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I can't cope any more

(5 Posts)
Silverbirch89 Sun 02-Aug-20 05:04:15

I just can't deal with life any more. There is just too much for me to cope with.

I am on maternity leave and have a lovely 9 month old who is great but very clingy and only naps on me. He sleeps ok but wakes once a night for a feed.
My older son has a severe disability. He would normally go to a special school with a one to one but has only had 2 days a week since march.

We started having an extension built in february pre covid and it has been a nightmare. We still have probably another 2 months without a kitchen and I am scared of another lockdown making this even longer.

As it the above wasn't enough my DH has now been offered his dream job in France. He wants to take it and I don't want to hold him back becuase it is a life changing opportunity for both of us in the long term due to the package and the ability to secure reidency before brexit however:

A) I don't want to take my son out of his special school unless we are 100% sure the move is right for us. My OHs job will pay for him to be home educated but if it doesn't work out I don't want to have to come back to the uk and fight for his place and ehcp again.
B) I am meant to be going back to work in November. I would love to do this but no idea how I can given covid and childcare. Our families live 100 miles away and gave refused to see us until there is a vaccine so zero support there.
C) My OH needs to be in France before 31st December because of brexit so he gets residency rights. No idea how this is going to work with covid.
D) My OH recieved a summons yesterday to do jury service in October. He is going to try to turn if down on the basis that he will no longer be in the uk but if it just another issue.
E) We currently have no windows on our extension so I have to stay in England until it is finished to make the house secure.

So the upshot of all the above is is that the plan is for my OH to go to France before 31st December and before covid shuts borders to secure his residence permit and for me to possibly follow with the family in 6 months or so if we are sure the move is right for us.

I meanwhile am left with zero support to deal with a severly autistic child, a baby, our extension build which is proving to be super stressful and no kitchen, not to mention trying to return to work in the middle of a pandemic.

Thanks for reading all of this. I just wanted to vent really as it feels like my head is going to explode with everything . If anyone has any advice for making my life slightly less stressful I would love to hear it.

OP’s posts: |
surlycurly Sun 02-Aug-20 05:16:46

I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. You can cope and you are. We all have periods in life like this where we're absolutely drowning in hard things. This is one of those times for you and I believe you will manage to navigate it. Ultimately in a year's time you could be settled in France and your quality of life will be vastly improved, in many ways. I know it doesn't feel like a consolation but think how fast the last year went! This will go quickly too. You will do it as I believe you're stronger than you think xx

Silverbirch89 Sun 02-Aug-20 06:04:00

Thanks surley. I think it is the uncertainty of all of it that is the hardest to cope with. If I knew I was working towards a certain end point it would be easier.

Long term I have no idea if my oldest will cope with out his special needs school and home education in France and I don't know how I will feel living somewhere with very limited language skills (gsce 20 years ago which I am trying to improve) and without a job as I doubt I will be able to work in France with limited langyage skills.

On the other hand however it could be great for my oldest and if we don't do it now we can never do it as it will not be possible after brexit with a disabled child.

It is all so confusing and the combination of covid, brexit and my sons special needs are making it harder.

OP’s posts: |
surlycurly Sun 02-Aug-20 09:48:58

I don't envy you but I have lived in France and it's so different than here; it's lovely! I can't allay any of your fears for your son but I have two ASD kids (I'm also ASD), so can understand your worries about moving him. I just think Britain is a sinking ship just now. I'd absolutely go if I could.

Silverbirch89 Sun 02-Aug-20 11:48:24

Thanks for your reply. I agree with you about Britain being a sinking ship, it does feel a bit like we are being thrown a lifeline but it is so sudden and a bit scary.

May I ask how you find being in France for autistic children? I read some articles which concerned me but it does sound like things are improving with the new autism action plan. My son is on the more severe end of the spectrum as he has an underlying genetic condition hence why we will be home educating.
www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/feb/08/france-is-50-years-behind-the-state-scandal-of-french-autism-treatment

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