Help but not Samaritains

[Flyinggeese]

Hi

I have problems I can’t talk to anyone about.

Very briefly, related to my partner who has a neurological condition he doesn’t want anyone to know about but it impacts us both. It’s a secret.

I can talk to him about anything but would rather not reveal how I’m feeling about done if which relates to him!

Ordinarily I’d speak to a friend. I can’t as he doesn’t want anyone to know about his condition.

There’s other stuff too.

I need to talk though! I’m not suicidal so can’t call the Samaritans. Not depressed in the medical sense so the GP can’t help.
I just need to talk and get another take on issues.

What would you do?

I’m really low.

Thanks.

[Atadaddicted]

Therapist

[5363738383j]

Anyone can call the Samaritans. You can just be lonely.

[Flyinggeese]

What type though? Thanks.

[cheezy]

You can call the Samaritans! They are not just for people feeling suicidal but those who are in distress in some way. Give them a call. You can always hang up if you don’t click with the person you get.

[totallyyesno]

You can definitely call the samaritans to talk about this .

[Flyinggeese]

OK I did call them a while ago. I bet they’re fantastic in a crisis but I just wanted to talk. They just made sympathetic noises so I thanked them and ended the call. They can’t give advice and I need it! I’m just paralysed in knowing what to do.

If I could talk to a friend I would. That would help massively. I just can’t as I’d be betraying my partner.

He’s not controlling or bad in any way, he just isn’t ready to talk about his condition to anyone other than me.

[Flyinggeese]

Butter we cross posted, thank you!

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

For various reasons, mum and dsis fairly regularly phoned the Samaritans. To the best of my knowledge (and I appreciate we don’t always know everything about another person, even when we’re really close to them) neither were ever suicidal.

Dsis was also a frequent flier in a variety of hospitals. If she knew she was going to be stuck in a hospital for a while, she always made use of the hospital chaplaincy service. Secrets of the confessional, and all that... Would this be a possibility for you? It’s available even if you’re not religious.

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

Sorry, OP, cross posted with you.

[OliviaBenson]

What about on here? Is there a board that fits the issues you want to discuss?

[whensmynexthol1day]

I think butterer probably offers a good solution- there are charities associated with its all sorts of conditions - in my case the charity associated with mine are so lovely and you can speak to nurses and get really expert advice. I'm sure they speak to relatives too

[Flyinggeese]

Thank you.

The issue is not necessary completely about his condition. I know what to expect as his mother has the same. It’s PD.

It’s more the matter of not being able to talk about it at all with anyone. Plus some other issues which are indirectly related but impossible to talk about meaningfully without explaining his condition. Sorry if I’m cryptic.

Thanks again for all advice. Maybe I could pour it all out on the 30 day only area but I don’t think it’s that busy over there and I’d be mortified if I didn’t get a reply.

I really want a proper conversation.

Will perhaps look for a therapist.

[Flyinggeese]

I appreciate all ideas from the chaplain to the Samaritains to the brain charity. However none can give that advice a mate would, you know?

Nearest could be a therapist who could help me with my thinking.

It’s relationship related. Maybe Relate but on my own? Is that OK?

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

I don’t know enough about Relate, Flyinggeese, but I think your own well being is as important as your dh’s. So anything you need to do to care for yourself, as well as for him, is right.

[Flyinggeese]

Thanks Butterer.

There lots of support around Parkinson’s. Some great organisations. But it’s not solely about that. It’s about our relationship. I can’t separate the two so it would be ridiculous to try and talk about my issues to a friend and just leave the PD part out, but it’s not a matter for a Pd helpline. Thank you though. I’m grateful.

[Flyinggeese]

Thanks *Matildatold...’. That made me emotional so think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

[BoggledBudgie]

Are you worried about how the PD will impact on your relationship, or about how caring for your partner might alter your relationship? I think there’s possibly a carers board on MN, people there will be able to support and help talk you through things like that if that’s any help?

[Timetospare]

Can you possibly afford a therapist or counsellor?
I saw one after a period of ill health, actually via the NHS at my local hospital, but whilst this may not be available to you, what I found was you go in expecting to talk about the obvious issue, but end up addressing all the underlying ones instead, and working through strategies too with an impartial counsellor.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

@Flyinggeese I think I hear what you want. Someone who will listen, encourage, empathize, kick you in the bum, hold you up(metaphorically or otherwise) when you can't, be like a real pal. But a real pal who will not judge you or question more than you want, or tell.

That is either a therapist OR here. Both could fill that role. I would not worry about not getting a response on 30 days only. There is always someone who will be glad to provide you an ear and a shoulder.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find support and peace

[Flyinggeese]

2018 yep! Just like that. I’m a talker. Really hard not being able to, or only to my other half.

[Flyinggeese]

Time I’ll look into what’s available counselling wise round here. Think this is the solution, really. Thanks.

Boggled thanks. It’s not really about the caring aspect, more relationship stuff but to have to discuss it without mentioning the PD wouldn’t make sense. Agh! Wish he’d just tell people but it’s not my decision and can understand why he hasn’t yet (work being a key reason, thinks he’ll lose his job, also doesn’t want people to think of it first when they deal with him, also never wants his mum to know in her lifetime).