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Help but not Samaritains

(29 Posts)
Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:22:23


I have problems I can’t talk to anyone about.

Very briefly, related to my partner who has a neurological condition he doesn’t want anyone to know about but it impacts us both. It’s a secret.

I can talk to him about anything but would rather not reveal how I’m feeling about done if which relates to him!

Ordinarily I’d speak to a friend. I can’t as he doesn’t want anyone to know about his condition.

There’s other stuff too.

I need to talk though! I’m not suicidal so can’t call the Samaritans. Not depressed in the medical sense so the GP can’t help.
I just need to talk and get another take on issues.

What would you do?

I’m really low.


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Atadaddicted Thu 30-Jul-20 18:23:02


5363738383j Thu 30-Jul-20 18:23:51

Anyone can call the Samaritans. You can just be lonely.

Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:23:55

What type though? Thanks.

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cheezy Thu 30-Jul-20 18:24:07

You can call the Samaritans! They are not just for people feeling suicidal but those who are in distress in some way. Give them a call. You can always hang up if you don’t click with the person you get.

totallyyesno Thu 30-Jul-20 18:25:14

You can definitely call the samaritans to talk about this .

Butterer Thu 30-Jul-20 18:25:44

You don't need to be suicidal to call the samaritans- they will listen to whatever you need to say. I don't think they can advise though...
I don't know if its appropriate to your circumstances, but would a carers support group/ service be useful?
I'll have a bit more of a think about what might be out there.

Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:27:14

OK I did call them a while ago. I bet they’re fantastic in a crisis but I just wanted to talk. They just made sympathetic noises so I thanked them and ended the call. They can’t give advice and I need it! I’m just paralysed in knowing what to do.

If I could talk to a friend I would. That would help massively. I just can’t as I’d be betraying my partner.

He’s not controlling or bad in any way, he just isn’t ready to talk about his condition to anyone other than me.

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Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:28:13

Butter we cross posted, thank you!

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Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Thu 30-Jul-20 18:30:59

For various reasons, mum and dsis fairly regularly phoned the Samaritans. To the best of my knowledge (and I appreciate we don’t always know everything about another person, even when we’re really close to them) neither were ever suicidal.

Dsis was also a frequent flier in a variety of hospitals. If she knew she was going to be stuck in a hospital for a while, she always made use of the hospital chaplaincy service. Secrets of the confessional, and all that... Would this be a possibility for you? It’s available even if you’re not religious.

Butterer Thu 30-Jul-20 18:31:33

The Brain Charity offers emotional support, practical help and social activities to anyone with a neurological condition and to their family, friends and carers.

I'm not sure if they have a helpline, but they do have support groups.

There might also be other groups specific to his exact condition?
Good luck, OP - it sounds like a difficult situation .

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Thu 30-Jul-20 18:31:58

Sorry, OP, cross posted with you.

OliviaBenson Thu 30-Jul-20 18:35:48

What about on here? Is there a board that fits the issues you want to discuss?

whensmynexthol1day Thu 30-Jul-20 18:40:01

I think butterer probably offers a good solution- there are charities associated with its all sorts of conditions - in my case the charity associated with mine are so lovely and you can speak to nurses and get really expert advice. I'm sure they speak to relatives too

Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:42:54

Thank you.

The issue is not necessary completely about his condition. I know what to expect as his mother has the same. It’s PD.

It’s more the matter of not being able to talk about it at all with anyone. Plus some other issues which are indirectly related but impossible to talk about meaningfully without explaining his condition. Sorry if I’m cryptic.

Thanks again for all advice. Maybe I could pour it all out on the 30 day only area but I don’t think it’s that busy over there and I’d be mortified if I didn’t get a reply.

I really want a proper conversation.

Will perhaps look for a therapist.

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Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:48:09

I appreciate all ideas from the chaplain to the Samaritains to the brain charity. However none can give that advice a mate would, you know?

Nearest could be a therapist who could help me with my thinking.

It’s relationship related. Maybe Relate but on my own? Is that OK?

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Butterer Thu 30-Jul-20 18:50:25

I'm guessing PD=Parkinson's ?
Theres definitely a helpline that friends and family can also use, and they say they offer emotional support amongst other things.
I don't think they'll stop you talking about whatever you need to (even if you use them as a stepping stone to elsewhere)

I agree that a therapist might also be useful.

Again, good luck!

Butterer Thu 30-Jul-20 18:52:07

Sorry just seen your update... yes, you can go to relate on your own.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Thu 30-Jul-20 18:52:48

I don’t know enough about Relate, Flyinggeese, but I think your own well being is as important as your dh’s. So anything you need to do to care for yourself, as well as for him, is right.

Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 18:52:53

Thanks Butterer.

There lots of support around Parkinson’s. Some great organisations. But it’s not solely about that. It’s about our relationship. I can’t separate the two so it would be ridiculous to try and talk about my issues to a friend and just leave the PD part out, but it’s not a matter for a Pd helpline. Thank you though. I’m grateful.

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Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 19:04:16

Thanks *Matildatold...’. That made me emotional so think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

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BoggledBudgie Thu 30-Jul-20 20:52:49

Are you worried about how the PD will impact on your relationship, or about how caring for your partner might alter your relationship? I think there’s possibly a carers board on MN, people there will be able to support and help talk you through things like that if that’s any help?

Timetospare Thu 30-Jul-20 21:00:53

Can you possibly afford a therapist or counsellor?
I saw one after a period of ill health, actually via the NHS at my local hospital, but whilst this may not be available to you, what I found was you go in expecting to talk about the obvious issue, but end up addressing all the underlying ones instead, and working through strategies too with an impartial counsellor.

2018SoFarSoGreat Thu 30-Jul-20 21:13:10

@Flyinggeese I think I hear what you want. Someone who will listen, encourage, empathize, kick you in the bum, hold you up(metaphorically or otherwise) when you can't, be like a real pal. But a real pal who will not judge you or question more than you want, or tell.

That is either a therapist OR here. Both could fill that role. I would not worry about not getting a response on 30 days only. There is always someone who will be glad to provide you an ear and a shoulder.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find support and peace flowers

Flyinggeese Thu 30-Jul-20 21:23:49

2018 yep! Just like that. I’m a talker. Really hard not being able to, or only to my other half.

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