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Husband doesnt want baby number 2

(15 Posts)
JJsunshine Sun 26-Jul-20 19:48:35

Hi, I'm currently around 4-6 weeks pregnant but I dont have the support of my husband. Hes been upset with me every since I found out. It was deffinetly a surprise to both of us, as we were happy with having only one child, now aged 6. However, since finding out I have warmed to the idea. He says I cant cope with another one and puts me down sometimes by questioning my parenting. His concerns are the large age gap, house being too small as we only have 2 bedrooms, childcare issues and financial concerns. He would rather just spoil one than scrape by with two. I think it's his lifestyle he doesnt want to spoil.
My issues are that I dont want to upset my little girl by sharing my time between her and another sibling as well as the large age gap. Will they get on or have anything in common??
Also about how my family will react. My mum is very vocal about her opinions and wasnt very supportive when she found I was pregnant the first time. I know she'll be upset with me again.
What should I do?? Anyone had a similar experience?? I know it's only very early days yet, but cant cope with everyone being upset with me.
Any advice appreciated x x x

OP’s posts: |
Bitchinkitchen Sun 26-Jul-20 19:53:28

Can you afford it? Would paying for another child decrease the quality of life and opportunities you can give your existing child? Would you be able to afford the same opportunities for a second child? Is it truly fair to put your wish for another child above the quality of life for your existing child and husband? Let alone the quality of life of the new baby?

Lollypop701 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:56:20

Husband wasn’t keen on any, we have 2 and he’s a great dad. I took a gamble, as there is no way to know. He absolutely knew each time, but then shit happens if you’re having sex! I would have had another, but realised might push him too far. I made my decisions knowing I’d be fine whatever he chose to do. No one has the right to decide for you, because if your dh or dm don’t get involved then you are left literally holding the baby. Make your own choices, choose your own forgiveness. Good luck op

BarbedBloom Sun 26-Jul-20 19:57:32

This is your choice at the end of the day. If you continue you may lose your husband, can you cope as a single parent? If you did terminate could you live with that? It could poison your feelings against your husband.

What impact will this have financially? If this child is a boy and you can't afford to move, at some point would you be willing to sleep in the lounge on a pull out so your children have their own bedrooms?

What does scrape by mean? Does it mean you can still pay your bills, or not? Or is it just cutting down on takeaways and holidays?

Mischance Sun 26-Jul-20 19:58:16

Well - what your mother thinks is a total irrelevance. Forget her.

However, OH's view is a concern. Since he played an active part in creating this situation - well, I am assuming it was him! - then he has to take some share of responsibility for it.

There is nothing to be done - you have got your head round it all and obviously do not want to abort; so he will have to deal with his head.

Our third child appeared (planned as it happens) when DD's were 6 and 8. They loved the new arrival, who basically had 3 Mums. She is a joy!

Cabinfever10 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:58:34

There's 7 years between my 2, I won't lie to you it was hard at first going back to the nappy stage and dd wanted to send ds back as she wanted a sister not a brother.
It has got better but in a lot of ways it's like having 2 only children.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sun 26-Jul-20 19:59:06

I really dislike the “oh I won’t have enough time with DC1”...I don’t think any of my friends with siblings ever felt half as loved, or that they longed to be an only child. Only on MN do I hear of siblings not getting along in real life a sibling is a friend for life.

Practically speaking: a 6 year age gap does mean your kids won’t be into the same things, same
Activities etc but then again you will have time to
Bond with your new baby whilst your eldest is in school. There’s positives and negatives in every gap.
As for your house and finances only you know if you can afford another and what the word “sacrifice” truely means ie, 1 less holiday or 1 less meal...

Mischance Sun 26-Jul-20 19:59:39

Discussions about whether you can afford it are irrelevant - that ship has sailed.

user1498572889 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:59:43

You didn’t get pregnant by yourself. If he didn’t want more kids he should have had a vasectomy. Men like this get on my bloody nerves.

Bearnecessity Sun 26-Jul-20 20:33:10

There's 13 years between me and my sister...an age difference only matters if you let it.

Justjoshin22 Sun 26-Jul-20 20:37:03

Your DHs concerns all sound totally valid (although not questioning your parenting, that doesn’t sound good!) including not wanting to change his lifestyle. It’s ok not to want your life to change. But although this baby wasn’t made solely by you, ultimately this is your choice. If you were to have a termination because of the pressure of others it could have a terrible impact on your mental health so you need to be confident in your decision. Good luck, feel for you OP.

BlueLagoona Sun 26-Jul-20 20:37:26

I have a 7 year gap between dc2 and dc3...currently 10 and 3.

They’re great friends and play together all the time. Obviously they have different interests in lots of things but dc2 is often happy to use dc3 as the ‘excuse’ to play with things like cars and playdoh which he’d otherwise feel too old for!

Blackbelt Sun 26-Jul-20 20:38:15

Even after trying for a year, my OH had a meltdown when he found out I was pregnant. It was pretty horrible. It lasted until about 9 weeks. I'm 11 weeks now and he's come round to it, things are a lot better now.
Maybe just give it time? But I felt like I'd done something wrong which was horrible so I get it x

WeakAsIAm Sun 26-Jul-20 21:04:12

DS2 was not planned and DH was very similar didn't want another, 2 bed house financially not in a good place. There was never any decision to make for me so pretty much did everything on my own scans etc. Looking back it felt quite vindictive how he behaved.
Honestly his feelings remained the same for several years, in fact I'd say he's only just started to enjoy DS2 (12) in maybe the last 3-4 years. It's heart breaking.
Between Dad and son now everything is as it should be, like best friends a lot of the time and the love is unmistakable.
Me however I don't think I will ever forgive DH for how he behaved it's a very big wedge between us.
I agree with a pp the decision is yours, if you can manage this alone then that's all you need to know.
Good luck not an easy decision whichever way you go

MrJollyLivesNextDoor Sun 26-Jul-20 21:07:46

He should have been more careful then and made sure you didn't get pregnant

It's a bit rich for him to be up in arms about it now!

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