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Pregnant again, first child is 15months old...(42 Posts)
so, I've just found out I'm pregnant again, my dd is 15 months, and won't even be 2 when the new baby is born.
Is this too soon? How will it be/ways to cope? I'm just so worried it might be too soon. Please can someone give their views or experiences to give me an insight?
It'll be fine, mine are 23 months apart (teenagers) and most of my friends have a two year gap too, it's very normal. Hard at first and makes childcare expensive but then the years of needing childcare are shorter.
Bless you. It took me years to get pg with no1, I assumed it would take years again for no2 so we started “trying” around his first birthday and a couple of weeks later got a BFP. I remember the shock well. It took weeks to sink in. I assumed I’d miscarry. I did not! Kids born 21 months apart are now 5 and nearly 7.
I won’t lie it was very hard work especially the first 18 months or so which I don’t really remember tbh. However it is worth it. They broadly like the same things, play together nicely, share a room and are best buddies (2 boys). I wouldn’t change anything.
Mine are 20 months apart.
I tried to get dinner prepared and ready to go during morning naps.
Lots of slow cooker and microwave triple stacker Tupperware dinners, that went into microwave for 25 minutes.
Then , when witching hour hit, I did not have to worry about dinner as well.
Work as a team to get dinner, baths, bedtime stories and bottles done.
I had a box of toys that DD1 only got to play with when I was breast feeding DD2. Reading together and the wiggles also helped while breast feeding.
One practical point- both of mine were rubbish sleepers. Hopefully yours will be better but the only way we got through it was for dh to sleep in spare room and deal with ds1 in the night and for me to have ds2 with me. That lasted about a year although I think we all slept together at weekends.
Hi - mine are a week shy of two year age gap and looking back (now young teens) it was bloody hard work at the time - there's no escaping that. However you are very much in baby mode so no having to refresh things. I would advise to get as much support as you can and don't be afraid to stick CBeebies on for a hour or so when you need it. My abiding memory of a newborn and an almost two year old is me sitting on the loo, breastfeeding baby whilst toddler was in the bath - multi-tasking to the max! What is lovely is that my older DD loved helping with the baby and don't forget that when the baby is old enough to sit in a bouncy chair or high chair they are absolutely enchanted by watching their sibling - kept mine entertained for ages. Once they get a bit older it's much easier because activities and days out are equally appealing and they can share so much.
Good luck- be kind to yourself and lower your expectations- I remember feeling exceptionally proud if I managed to get out the door with both of them to get to toddler group. Also a good buggy helps- I'm obviously out of date but had a secondhand Phil &Ted double which had a section for newborn and toddler buggy too - actually makes me quite nostalgic thinking about it now so can't have been all bad!!!
I'm scared I won't be able to cope with them so young. I dont really have a support network as my parents are not local, and my partner will likely be doing lots of hours at work once he is back off furlough. I hadn't really thought about having another, but it would be lovely for my first to have a sibling, as I'm only child and would have loved having someone else.
Longer term it's great having them
close in age, they generally enjoy the same types of day out, holidays, toys and games, there are fewer years when they are in different stages of education which are the harder years logistically. Not too many problems with age appropriate TV and films. From a fairly early age mine went to bed around the same time - mine were good sleepers but tricky eating habits. They can share bedrooms both at home and on holiday easily.
2 years is a pretty normal gap I’d say. Most of my friends have between 18 and 27 months between their first 2 children. I can’t think of anyone who left longer through choice.
There is pros and cons with any age gap.
Mine are now 14,15 ,17 and the first year of 3x pre schoolers nearly killed me but it got easier and they are close enough in age to all get on fairly well ( some of the time!!)
Personally, if you are planning several children, I would say get it over and done with and you can start moving on from nappies, car seats, pushchairs, teething etc etc. 🙂
We had our third when eldest was two and a half. I loved having 3 under 3 but only survived with routine and other mothers who I met through various groups. I had a double buggy with a seat on top and we walked everywhere just to get out of the house! Toddlers were fairly easy as they all did the same thing at the same time more or less - it was when they were 14,15 and 16 that I found most difficult. Now they are 18,19,20 they are good company and most of the time get on well.
We had a Phil and Teds buggy too, made life so much easier. It was a mammoth effort at first getting them both out to toddler groups but we got there in the end. It was also brilliant for me having another maternity leave when my oldest was only 2-3 years old and we got the full benefit of the time together, but he stayed at nursery one day a week and my parents are only half an hour away so I acknowledge that it was easier for me than some. Have you made any friends through baby/toddler groups etc with your first? I found in some ways the groups were hard work but I did make friendships that have lasted.
It really is a very normal gap, of the families my two were at primary school with about half were sibling pairs in the same two year groups.
Mine are 20 months apart. As others have said, lots of routine, a double buggy, bath both at the same time (take a baby bouncer into the bathroom when they're very small and do one after the other). It was hard work in the early days and DH used to work shifts until 11pm so I Wass mostly on my own with them. But as they got older they entertained each other and it all got easier.
They're older teenagers now and they're such great friends and have mostly the same interests so they spend a lot of time with each other. DC2 was a surprise but I wouldn't change how it turned out.
Its so nice to hear the positives! And to hear that I'm basically worrying over nothing in the long run.
I wish i had to confidence to go to the baby groups, but my anxiety flares just thinking about it.
My second DD was born just before my first DD was 15 months old.
Any age gap is a tough with the adjustment from one child to two but you will be fine.
It’s hard work but it’s doable. Being organised is helpful, and not having huge expectations of yourself. Mine are 15 months apart, then 20 months, then 2.5 years. So I had four in 5.5 years.
Mine are teens now and I’m so pleased I had them close together.
2 years isn't a small gap, my children are older now but when I had them 18 months was the standard age gap, when it 2 years become unusual?
No one can tell you if you'll manage but I don't think it will be determined by a pretty normal age gap. Ime if you think will be fine and I get on with it, it will be fine.
A friend had 3 month old twins when she was found out she was pregnant with her 3rd who arrived a day before the twins' first birthday. She coped. I am sure you will too.
Mine are 20months apart. Honestly... I found having baby and toddler easier than just having the first baby. Presumably because I was more confident second time round. Not saying it was all plain sailing.. but mostly great. They are 9&7 now. Last few months having two close in age has been a blessing.
The hardest part was the 6months between DD1 starting reception and DD2 starting school preschool. DD2 was really lonely.
I have just under 11 months between my middle 2 and it was very hard for the first year but then it just got easier and easier.
My DD was still very much a baby when DS2 arrived (5 weeks before her 1st birthday!) but yours will be a toddler which I think will make it much easier.
Routine is your friend OP
Mine are 20 months apart. As others have said, lots of routine, a double buggy, bath both at the same time
Slightly more age gap. I bough a fabulous double buggy and it was hardly used. Youngest was walking at 9 months and really didn’t want to get into any buggy. Eldest also wanted to walk everywhere. My idea of power walking around pushing a double buggy evaporated and I was reduced to pushing a single buggy with buggy board which kept catching my ankles at the speed of a toddler.
I ended up selling the double buggy on eBay after 2 outings in a year.
Mine are 17 months apart, we were TTC from when DD1 was 5 months. Honestly, it is fine. Lots of parents have similar age gaps.
DH worked every hour when the DC were small so I did make a real effort to go out to whatever group was on that day. It gave me something to focus on and aim to get out for. I also made lots of friends which really helped (I had moved away from my family too).
Having DD2 was a doddle compared to becoming a parent for the first time. I was confident in my own parenting and actually knew how to hold a baby that time round 😂.
I wish i had to confidence to go to the baby groups, but my anxiety flares just thinking about it.
Hi OP, is this covid related? Do you want to elaborate, maybe we can help.
What helped me with my dc (I have 4, 2 sets with similar age gaps and DH a parents worked FT) was to make sure I had plans (on my phone notes) of afternoon outings ideas like picnics in the park, play parks, even just a walk round the block. Then I made sure I was well stocked with a selection of indoor toys/crafts - blocks/construction, colouring books, playdoh, books to read together etc so I had a back up of stuff to keep toddler occupied. On a night time I'd prepare snack foods and even packed lunches for us both for the next day as I found I got frazzled trying to keep them both happy whilst hungry myself, trying to prepare food.
Also I heavily relied on a sling, mine seemed more settled being close and high up to see what's going on and had my hands free for the toddler.
I had 18 months between two of mine, then the last one was 21 months later. Their eldest brother had me to himself for nearly three years.
It was fine, just busy. I managed on my own, without any family help, my DH worked away most of the week and I just got on with it. I think it helped in that I can't stop being organised, so just got on with it. I usually managed to get sat down by nine at night for an hour of peace and quiet before I went to bed myself.
It doesn't last that long. They're all grown ups now and I miss them.
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