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First night alone since my friend died

(9 Posts)
theotherfossilsister Tue 21-Jul-20 18:47:13

One of my closest friends died last month. She was very mentally ill and the mental illness killed her. Since then I have been a bit crazy. Plagued by intrusive thoughts, etc, but really focusing on self care, living in a way which will honour her memory. I loved her deeply and it's so painful.

For a while after it happened I went to my parents, and then went away with DP for a few days. He is struggling to cope too - not as much as I am maybe but he was also good friends with her. Tonight we are home, and he has gone to his parents.

This is necessary, I know (I need to learn to be alone again) but I keep having horrible intrusive terrifying thoughts, and really want a plan for this evening, I guess. What would people suggest?

OP’s posts: |
ssd Tue 21-Jul-20 18:50:55

How about getting a takeaway delivered, then run a bath, have that then watch something on catch up you like, even if it's an old episode of something.

I'm sorry about your friend, that sounds so sad flowers

rosegoldivy Tue 21-Jul-20 19:01:37

I'm sorry your having such a bad time, I lost my closest friend a few years ago and it still hurts.
I would try what previous poster suggested, get some feel good comfort food, try and relax, watch a box set, go a walk, do anything to take your mind off of it (easier said than done)
Sending an unmumsnetty hug your way

theotherfossilsister Tue 21-Jul-20 19:05:40

Thank you so much, both of you. A boxset snd takeout sounds good. The cat has just curled up on me too, maybe he senses somethinh.

I'm so sorry about your friend @rosegoldivy it really hurts so much.

OP’s posts: |
ssd Tue 21-Jul-20 20:35:48

I hope cuddling your cat helped. I found solace in reading helped me, sort of took me outside myself.
Do you have a book to read too?

Spied Tue 21-Jul-20 20:44:05

Could you go for a short walk?
Maybe call in the supermarket ( should be quiet) for a browse (if there's any local), choose a book or a mag and something to eat.
( A walk to our local Sainsburys for a browse and a treat has saved me many times when I've felt myself spiralling although I recognise it could be your idea of hell).

Lizzie523 Tue 21-Jul-20 20:46:51

I have been there. A close friend died 10 years ago this month actually and I had intrusive thoughts for a long time.

In the early days candles, flowers, lavender under pillow (awful as it sounds I felt dead inside so sensual scents and so on meant a lot), definitely echoing the bath and ordering to making some nice food. Time to just do what brings you comfort. flowers

theotherfossilsister Wed 22-Jul-20 13:26:16

Thank you so much for the later replies. Cuddling the cat helped so much. He's a very lovely empathic cat. My friend loved him, and he her.

Lavender is a good idea. My mum used to use lavender when I was little. It smells of bedtime.

In the end I watched life on Mars and ordered saag paneer, and it was ok. The intrusive thoughts come and go, but for the first three weeks they flawed me, so I guess this is better. It's so hard. I miss her badly and wish she was alive. I keep talking to her in my head.

OP’s posts: |
theotherfossilsister Wed 22-Jul-20 13:30:50

Sorry, to the other posters who have lost good friends. It hurts a lot.

OP’s posts: |

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