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If a feral little br...

20 replies

FancyPants20 · 16/07/2020 21:53

Launched a stone at your child's head, hurting them badly in the face, is there anything the parents could do to make up for it?
The feral brat in question is mine. Dp was meant to be supervising them, but "got chatting" and obviously didn't. I have had very stern words with both of them, but I'm still a bit mortified.
Dd was very sorry, and apologised to her friend, but the friend was howling, and will probably have a very nasty bruise for quite some time.
They're both four. Is this to be expected, or are we "that family"?

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yeOldeTrout · 16/07/2020 22:10

They're 4. :(
How well do you know the other parents, was it flung with malice or just high spirits?

FancyPants20 · 16/07/2020 22:50

High spirits, i think. I don't think she's really properly understood the whole "hurting other people" thing yet. She wails the house down if she's hurt, but doesn't really seem to have developed empathy so far. Should she have by now? She's only just 4, if that makes a difference.

OP posts:

FancyPants20 · 16/07/2020 22:52

We know the other parents quite well, but more as friendly acquaintances, rather than actual friends.

OP posts:

user1493494961 · 16/07/2020 22:57

I think you'll be 'that family'.

TheMandalorian · 16/07/2020 23:00

Depends if it was a one off and done in an unthinking way, or if it's a bit more than that.
A stern telling off for the 4yo and made to apologise wouls be fine with me.

TheGirlWhoLived · 16/07/2020 23:01

I’d probably write a note/let your child ‘write’ a note and annotate it with “dd is very sorry that ‘your Dc’ is hurt and after a long discussion/naughty step/taking toys away etc knows there are consequences to throwing things around without thinking”

If I got this then I would at least know that you as a family weren’t ‘that family’ and will probably discipline out the feral behaviour

TheGirlWhoLived · 16/07/2020 23:01

Oh and dd2 was a biter, soft play was.... hazardous- at least the stone could’ve been an accident!

Smallsteps88 · 16/07/2020 23:02

I don’t think you’re “that family”

Take DD over to apologise and maybe bring a small sorry gift? Like a bag of sweets?

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yeOldeTrout · 16/07/2020 23:02

bit harsh, user.
All you can do is apologise to the parents.
I know some people are against making kids say sorry as an empty gesture kids can't understand, but I think it's important to make them recognise there are behaviour expectations when they did harm.

Have to get her to recognise her friend was unhappy & she caused that & she shouldn't have. It's emotionally painful so she'll resist, but she can learn all that and that ppl can also make amends & move on, be forgiven for our mistakes.

Smallsteps88 · 16/07/2020 23:03

I see DD has already apologised but I’d still go round with some sweets and ask how the child is.

patas · 16/07/2020 23:22

@yeOldeTrout

bit harsh, user.
All you can do is apologise to the parents.
I know some people are against making kids say sorry as an empty gesture kids can't understand, but I think it's important to make them recognise there are behaviour expectations when they did harm.

Have to get her to recognise her friend was unhappy & she caused that & she shouldn't have. It's emotionally painful so she'll resist, but she can learn all that and that ppl can also make amends & move on, be forgiven for our mistakes.

Kids must understand saying sorry does mean something....Cos they all hate saying it!

catbellz · 16/07/2020 23:27

It depends on if this is an isolated incident. Once and I'd put it down to "kids being kids!!" But if your kid was perpetually being an unruly brat and always hurting others, be prepared to be dropped pretty quickly. Sorry op.

FancyPants20 · 16/07/2020 23:28

Thanks. I think I'll take DD over tomorrow with a cake or something.

OP posts:

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 16/07/2020 23:31

If the parent apologised and was upset I would be fine. One of my children had a best friend who was a biter. She was a lovely little girl with lovely parents who were mortified when the she suddenly bit someone on the hand and their apologies made it clear that the behaviour was not acceptable.

DowntonCrabby · 16/07/2020 23:51

Every “that family” I know wouldn’t dream of acknowledging their precious DC was in the wrong let alone apologise so profusely. I think you’re fine OP, it was an accident, you’ve spoke to her.
As long as she realises it was very dangerous.
As above some sweets and maybe a card would be a nice touch.

FancyPants20 · 17/07/2020 00:25

@catbellz

It depends on if this is an isolated incident. Once and I'd put it down to "kids being kids!!" But if your kid was perpetually being an unruly brat and always hurting others, be prepared to be dropped pretty quickly. Sorry op.

This is the first and (hopefully) last time this sort of thing has happened. I do think she didn't mean it, and that she just didn't realise the implications . Hopefully I've gotten through to her now.

OP posts:

chipsandgin · 17/07/2020 00:41

Having had a child on the receiving end of injuries caused by ‘spirited’ children (specifically the child of a family member) I can only tell you the thing that wound me up the most was the total lack of any consequences or attempt at explaining why it was wrong or how the other child might feel.

The only thing that ever happened when these incident occurred was a very gentle and insincere ‘oh he’s so sorry aren’t you X and that must of been very upsetting’ (for the perpetrator not the victim!) followed by ‘how about an ice cream to cheer you up’ (again for the perpetrator!). I’m sure you didn’t mean it did you’. Which must have given such mixed messages - he hurts someone (intentionally or not), his Mum tells everyone he is remorseful (he isn’t) & has no idea why he should be & he’s instantly rewarded and told its all ok!?

All I would say is try and not only communicate to your child that what they did was wrong but also try and make them understand how their actions have consequences so that they don’t do it again.

The fact you are mortified and concerned enough to post I’m sure means you’ve handled it well and going round with an apology & an apology gift and re-iterating to your child how wrong and upsetting and not ok it was will help shape an empathetic future (rather than the entitled, entirely devoid of kindness or friends, teenager my feral little family member has turned into...).

snitzelvoncrumb · 17/07/2020 02:00

Four year olds have yet to master impulse control, I wouldn't stress too much its very normal. It happens so quickly even if she was being watched closely it still could have happened.

betteliefsen · 17/07/2020 02:05

You'd only be that family if you ignored it or laughed it off.

Sobeyondthehills · 17/07/2020 02:14

DS was slightly older, when he became a target for another boy. The one thing that made me stop and think was the mother took time to find me on facebook and message me explaining what was being done and how they were working with nursery to make sure it didn't happen again.

TBF it never did

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