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Step daughter(6 Posts)
Newby here 😬
So basically I need some advise. I am a mother of 3, 1 biological and 2 step. I've been with my partner for 6 years and helped bring his kids up since they were in nappies. The eldest child is where I struggle immensely. She's always been a daddies girl which was fab and sweet. She never quite bonded with her mother for a number of reasons. Everyone has issues I'm not going to go into it. She has said some horrible things about her mum in the past and up until last year we believed everything she told us, at one point almost getting the local authorities involved due to child protection. We decided Instead to confront her mum, who explained everything over and when it all came out the girl was lying (cctv footage). Since then we realised there was an even bigger problem, all the lies, why is she doing this? What can we do to help? So since then we checked up on most things that she told us, planned mother and daughter days for them to help them bond ect.. it was great to see the child genuinely excited and loving towards her mum. But now, she hates me and my partner (her dad). She's told her mum some horrible things about us and how we hate her and made horrible lies up about on how all we ever do is shout at her, I didn't buy her a gift for her dad on father's day, I sit down drinking tea all day whilst she looks after our 2 year old, we have no photographs in our house of her... I could go on and on. It's really dragging me down. She's caused a fuss about coming to stay at our house now and has kicked off a few times about coming. (She's always come to our house from been 3 year old with no fuss). She will happily go to Grandma's house though (dad's mum). When she speaks with mum, our house is the issue. When she's with grandma, mums house is the issue. I can see that she is trying her hardest to play everyone off around her. Sadly nobody else can see it. Everyone and I mean everyone is pandering to her every need. Me and my partner had a massive argument last week because she wouldn't come to our house and ended up going back with her mum, I had her brother and step sister with me, anyway I went out running errands and attending appointments and her dad phoned me and said I'd to go home because she was outside my house. I told him i wasnt going to go home because I was busy and said she should of come when she was suppose to come and that I wasn't changing my plans now she's decided she wants to come. We had a massive argument about it all and in the end he left work to go and pick her up. In the meantime she'd told her mum 'if you don't let me sleep in your bed, I'm not going to my dad's tomorrow and I might as well move in with grandma' (in my opinion she only came back to our house because she thought dad was going to let her go spend the night at Grandma's house). I'm not sure if it's just me who thinks this is plain as day menipulating and attention seeking behaviour or if we are all doing something wrong??! We/ mostly me have been painted as the bad guys when all we have ever done is love, help and support her. She really has portrayed me as the evil stepmum. I treat all my children equally before anyone tries to say anything. She is 9. I'm just about ready to pack my bags and leave it's gotten so bad. Any advice on how to handle the situation? On how to deal with it with my partner so it doesn't end up splitting us up?
It sounds like she really needs psychological support. She is acting out because her world doesn't feel secure.
You've already said she is insecurely attached to her mother. She could also be prepubescent.
She did have a hard time bonding with her mum but this past year her and her mum have formed a fantastic bond which is brilliant. I also did think it could just be the start of the mood swings. I just don't know which way to turn. Counselling is next on out list because we have exhausted everything.
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