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Help, I need advice 😢(7 Posts)
I hope someone can give me a bit of advice. Sorry for the long story in advance.
I have had to make a team member redundant due to the current situation. We really had no other option as have been nothing but fair, apologetic and have explained that there seriously was no other option then to have her share hours with our other team member, which she declined and other staff member was ok with it.
Now, it so happens that she is one of the mums at my sons (he's 7) school and in fact is friends with one of her twin boys, but not with her other boy (twin 2). They are all in the same year and share other friends too. Fact is my boy can be offended/agitated very quickly and then acts upon it with words, like saying: we're not friends anymore! We are working on this. Now twin 2 is very sensitive himself and starts crying with the first instance, but at the same time knows exactly how to wind up my boy. Ie: telling on him, making up unkind songs about him, name-calling etc. I am obviously not condoning our boy's behaviour, but feel like it is constantly being provoked. Twin 1 really gets on with my son, which is making twin 2 jealous at times. So after talking to their mum a few times and helping them out how to react, they started to be friends. Obviously during lockdown they couldn't see eachother for a while, but we met up earlier this week along with other friends and mums. Obviously I know being made redundant isn't very nice, so I had given her some space by not meeting up previously, but my son really missed his friends by now and I decided to go this time, writing her a nice message we would come along. So on arriving there was no word from her, not even a hello. Awkward, but ok I concentrated on the other ladies. Meanwhile, right before we wanted to leave, twin 2 and my son had upset eachother, but neither of us knew the exact reason. Obviously it was word against word. 1 of the other mums however had seen what had happened, but at the time we didn't realise. Twin n mum had already walked off to the car and, because of this I had my son apologize to twin 2 (he was still with me), as you would being polite, but my son said rightfully so, twin 2 has to apologize too, but twin 2 started shouting that he did not do anything and ran off to his mum crying. Next thing I know, they were gone. So I decided to send mum a message saying sorry for all the commotion and that I had my son apologize to hers. At which a very nasty message followed that she was fed up with my son and I was very blinkered regarding my sons behaviour. Needless to say I felt very upset about this, but decided to choose my words at a later time after discussing it with my husband and get it off my chest to follow with a polite message of where all this came from after also asking the other mum what exactly happened. Anyway, to make a long story short: after attempting to have a chat together, she decided there doesn't need to be a conversation, but instead they just need to be kept away from eachother. I am completely baffled as to why! Now there's a meeting coming up with a teacher who's leaving and they decided to ask all the mums in the same year group to join to say their goodbyes. Now she had replied, before I had a chance, with a resounding yes. Would you stay away to avoid a scene? It wouldn't be coming from me, but if the boys have another lash out at eachother than obviously she'll be unleashing hell! My son would love be to be there and 1: I feel like, why should I stay away? She decided they shouldn't be together. And 2: it isn't just my son at fault, they are both sensitive in a different way, no need to blame just my son! I don't want all this drama, but I don't want the other mums to be made awkward either or being taken for a mug myself or have my son affected by this. Would you let it go or just go, obviously instructing my son, to keep away from twin 2 and if he makes him feel upset, to come to me straight away and we leave? I just don't understand why she has to make it this awkward. I could understand if we had treated her unfairly during the redundancy or if it was on a personal level, but can she really not see that we just can't afford her in these difficult times, even though I explained? Surely she knows so many are struggling and plus we did give her another solution that wouldn't have resulted in redundancy, which she didn't take. Personally I find it really below the belt to take it out on me via my child even though she says it has nothing to do with work. Surely, if it really was that bad you'd sorted it there and then and not wait untill you're made redundant. And surely, I would have heard from other parents too (who I obviously will talk to). Anyway, any advice very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Go, and tell your son to keep clear of the twins. She’s feeling hurt, understandably, but it isn’t right to take it out on you.
You have to accept the relationship with your child and hers is over. This woman is clearly very bitter about being made redundant.
Of course she's going to be upset, being made redundant is a very hard and stressful thing. And she's got two young boys to feed and clothe. Your family need to give her family some space. Go to the meeting but keep to the other side of the room and your child just can't be friends with her child for a while.
It may not be about the redundancy as much as it was that she tolerated more when she was working for you. (That’s not to say your son is at fault alone).
I think you need to ask a trusted friend in the group how much she feels it may be your sone behaviour and how much is the other boy’s behaviour and really listen to the answer.
I would definitely attend the event but with strong warnings to your boy to give the brothers space for now until things are sorted, but without being unfriendly.
Thank you both. Maybe I don't see it from the right perspective 😢. I obviously understand that being made redundant isn't nice at all and honestly, we have tried to explain that we did not have any other choice, but on the other hand, she did have the opportunity to stay with us, but on reduced hours for the time being. The work is just not there atm. And trust me, I have had many sleepless nights over this, as it wasn't an easy decision 😢. Which is why I don't understand why it has to be taken out on me or my child in this way. Obviously she's not ready to meet up etc. But surely she could have stated this in a polite way? I don't know, I'm not the get back at someone kind of person. Maybe she didn't mean to either, but I just see it that way. I guess I just have to accept the situation and find a different group for my son. It's a hard lesson learned, never get involved personally with staff or vice versa it's not worth it.
Thank you burplecutter and fredafrogspawn. I am going to talk today with one of the other mums and see what she thinks and will ask the others too about the situation with my son. I guess I might be taking it al too personal, which is why I am on here to get neutral perspectives. I don't want this to escalate, so trying my best to do what's right, without getting my son involved to the point where it's going to majorly affect him. Xx
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