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Should I be worried about DD?

(7 Posts)
DDMusings Tue 30-Jun-20 14:38:48

DD is 6 (will turn 7 in early Autumn) and in Year 1 at school. Over the past two years she has really struggled with friendships in particular and I'm starting to wonder whether there is perhaps something else going on. It's really hard to try and differentiate between is this all 'normal' for her age or if she perhaps needs some additional help or support. For context she has a twin sister who is a real social butterfly and the pair of them get on very well with neither of them being more dominant than the other within their relationship.
- She doesn't appear to have any specific friends. School tell me she plays with the other children but DD's perception is she spends every playtime alone (slightly different now due to bubbles)
- she attends after school club at her former nursery with a mixture of children some of whom she has known since she was a baby but again doesn't seem to be able to identify any specific friends and when asked who she plays with she says the nursery staff.
- she found phonics incredibly difficult to learn and struggles with blending words. She almost point blank refuses to sound out words as she wants to be able to just read them like the other children. She is in a very small class at school and is very conscious of being the weakest reader.
- She can not cope with losing and has a raging tantrum if she loses when we play games at home. We constantly try to model positive behaviour around losing.
- When meeting with family friends with children the same age she always prefers to play alongside the younger ones whilst all the children her age charge around together
- she is hypermobile
- very sensitive to noise
- she is a real worrier and very sensitive
- her interests are typically that of a younger child eg she's still very in to Paw Patrol.
I'd really welcome people's thoughts on the below (and am equally happy to be told I'm being neurotic!).

OP’s posts: |
fairyfingers Tue 30-Jun-20 15:54:37

My Dd2 has some similar traits. She is also a same sex twin of a social butterfly.

She is academically strong so we don't have that but she is quite young for her age and struggles with friends and tags along with her sisters mates a lot. School say people play with her and she's not unpopular but she doesn't have proper friends. She's also anxious. She has bad impulse control and gets too close to people. Would rather play with dogs than friends when on play dates or goes off by herself. She's y5 and it's got worse over the past couple of years. She's actually done well over lock down as it's given her a bit of space and her anxiety has decreased.

So no advice but you are not alone. My v wise friend also had a Dd who was similar with friends (also a twin). She kept an eye on it but let her be and her dd blossomed in secondary where she fit better and could find her niche.

DDMusings Tue 30-Jun-20 17:43:49

Thanks @fairyfingers our DD's seem very similar. I was pondering moving her schools earlier in the year but then lockdown came. Her current class has less than 10 pupils but it's the only undersubscribed class in the school - all the rest are closer to 20. The smaller class size has definitely given DD the academic support she needs but I may still move them next year. It's hard to find the right balance. It's reassuring to hear your friends DD flourished at secondary, I so hope DD finds her place sad

OP’s posts: |
Pinkbubbles12 Tue 30-Jun-20 18:03:44

Ahhh i have identical twin girls aged 8, one of my girls was exactly like this, again the other was a social butterfly.
I don't no what happened but she just caught up in the end, made her own friends. Are they in same class? I made sure mine wasn't as i wanted them bot to rely on each other and have there own friends.

fairyfingers Tue 30-Jun-20 18:25:12

We separated my two as well. Sadly social butterfly has taken off academically as she's not in her sisters shadow but poor darling Dd2 struggles even more (although she has also done even better at work).

I still definitely think it was the right thing though. I have a lot of same sex twins in the family and separate classes has generally worked well.

DDMusings Tue 30-Jun-20 18:38:27

Unfortunately their school is a one form entry so no scope for separating them unless we change schools which is a difficult decision as they both really happy in their current school. I'd never really thought of it as being a 'twin thing' as DD has always been like this but perhaps it's more of a factor than I'd considered.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkbubbles12 Thu 02-Jul-20 18:26:01

Yeah it really does seam to be a twin thing, i guess maybe the more confident one takes over and bit while the other is happy to let that happen and gets used to it.

Although my sister and me had babies at the same time, i had a girl she had a boy and they were inseparable, sge was very much the sociable one and he relied on her alot at nursery, we decided to ask for them not to put them in same class he struggled to start with but was absolutely fine. He did struggle again when it came to secondary school as my daughter was definitely going through puberty and growing up more than he was, eventually he caught up and now he is a lovely confident teen boy.

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