I’m sorry for taking up anyone’s time - I’m just feeling a bit low and rather than boring anyone IRL I thought if someone has time to reply to my trivial worries it might be nicer; and it’ll help to have my thoughts down in one place.
I have a young toddler, lockdown has been tough. All my family are overseas so no chance of seeing any of them any time soon.
I’ve always been mildly depressive; was diagnosed with post partum depression and anxiety after my child was born, had some therapy which helped.
I keep reading stories of people losing their mums and wondering what will happen to my child if I’m not around. She has a wonderful dad and wider family so this isn’t a logistical question. It seems so self centred given that people are actually losing their mums, and I wouldn’t mention it to anyone IRL. I wonder if I’m just being attention seeking and dramatic. Or slightly suicidal.
I really do love my child more than my heart can bear and wouldn’t do anything to myself. I had frequent suicidal thoughts as a very young child (6/7/8 - all the way through really) and I think it was just a way of self pity or attention seeking - although I never actually told anyone else. I’d just lie awake at night imagining the world after I died and feeling very sad for myself, and similar thoughts are recurring now.
I guess I’m asking if others have experienced similar? Am I just being a self indulgent wuss and I need to snap out of it?
My husband and I are struggling in the lockdown. Tempers are fraying, and we’ve been arguing a fair bit. I still love him and he’s a good man, hands on dad, and there’s no abuse. We’ve just had another row so I’m upset otherwise I also can think of warm things to say about him.
I’ve also had two miscarriages over the lockdown, making it four in total since last summer. I’m fat. I’m feeling really sorry for myself, but I’m also just feeling like I’m this superficial self centred vile person for feeling sorry for myself when so many people are suffering in the world.
Sorry for such a long long rant. Thank you if you got this far.
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*Trigger warning* Slightly suicidal / Depressive thoughts (feel like it’s all fairly trivial)
5 replies
ZaphodBeeblerox · 14/06/2020 22:58
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