Neighbours ignoring me ** Advice Please **

[SavannahCat]

I'm a 58 year old female and I live alone. Man who lives opposite me is 63, and, also lives alone. He calls to my place daily for a cup of tea. Completely platonic relationship. On Tuesday (this week) he suddenly blurted out that he wants to leave his property & move away because the police had been to his home to interview him last Sunday (24/5/2020). He said the police told him a complaint had been made against him by his next door neighbour (who is a female in her late eighties). He said to me that on Saturday 23/5/2020 at 9pm he became aware that he couldn't hear the lady's television (which he usually could), so, he walked around the back of their properties (adjoining semi detached bungalows), past her bedroom window to listen for any noise coming from her tv. He told me that he only did this as he was concerned for her welfare. He said he explained this to the police officer, she asked him to confirm his full name and date of birth, and, said "ok, that's it", and, went back to her squad car. There are a couple that live next door to him (at the other side). They are normally very friendly with him. And me. But, they are very close to the elderly lady that contacted the police. Since Monday, said couple are not speaking to him, nor me. Every day this week, (with the weather being sunny), he has come to my place to sit in my garden & has analysed endlessy why are the couple ignoring both of us? He has JUST told me now that when the police officer arrived at his property she said the complaint the next door neighbour had made was that 'he had no trousers on'. He said he most certainly did have trousers on. I asked him what colour and he said sand coloured jeans. I remember him wearing them that day. I'm mega stressed that he has only just told me the most vital part of the story. Any thoughts anyone?

[doughnutmuffin]

Hmm well if you can remember he was wearing sand coloured jeans it does seem plausible the woman thought he had no trousers on! He scenario sounds either totally innocent and misconstrued or he's a weirdo and I'm assuming your neighbours think the latter. I'm not sure why they've stopped talking to you though. I think he needs to get things cleared up with the neighbour in her &0s

[doughnutmuffin]

*80s

[bigchris]

Oh this sounds awful

Have you considered trying to talk to the other neighbours yourself, taking the sand coloured jeans as proof ?

[SavannahCat]

Thank you for your advice doughnutmuffin. I really appreciate it. Yes, I'm sure the neighbours will think he's a weirdo, most likely a pervert! He will not speak up for himself. He's timid

[SavannahCat]

I have bigchris, but he keeps saying "I don't want any more trouble"

[Sarahandco]

He should call the officer that dealt with the call and explain that he has heard that the lady believed that he had no trousers on. He should explain that he was wearing the light coloured trousers etc. He should ask the police to talk the lady in her 80s about this - to put her mind at rest (assuming the police believe him!)

[cabbageking]

If they think he is a pervert why would they engage with him? Leave it to the Police as they have the full story and any previous form.

[sawollya]

I can see how that could happen. I used to see those salmony pink jeans (which are a nice colour) as nakedness! And my eyesight is good.

[Samtsirch]

Surely the police would have taken further action if they believed your friend was a danger or a nuisance ?
I would ask your friend to try to calm down about it all and to give everyone some time and space. Just keep being there for him and supporting him as a friend if you feel able to.

[Haretodaygonetomorrow]

I don’t know why he didn’t tell you the full story to begin with? Although those coloured jeans can play tricks on your eyes.

[Windyatthebeach]

The man is clearly your friend. Support him and ignore your nutty neighbours...

[Itwasntme1]

You can’t control what the neighbours think, your primary concern should be to support your friend.

He can offer you up as a supporting witness and you can tell then about his jeans. Unless there is more to the story I doubt it will be taken further.

[billy1966]

Well that is quite believable.
If you are used to huge noise coming from a house and its suddenly quiet.

You know your friend, support him.

It would be awful for him to move.
Encourage him to speak to the 80 year old, and the policeif necessary.

[SavannahCat]

Thank you everyone. We're not close friends. We're just neighbours who chat regularly. Im much the same way that I chatted with the neighbours who are no longer speaking to me. It's really upset me

[Therebythedoor]

Just wondering whether he knocked or rang the doorbell at the front door before heading around the back. It may be that he didn't and that's why it appears odd.

[differentnameforthis]

So he couldn't hear her TV, but instead of knocking on her FRONT door, he walked around the back to listen for noise?

Sorry, I find that odd in itself.

If you are concerned, you knock on the door, even knocking on the back door would have been better than just listening.

Plus listening for TV noise doesn't prove that she is OK!

It's not really adding up in my head.

[SavannahCat]

Spot on in everything you've said. The things you've mentioned are really niggling me. Somethings not ringing true. I can't understand why he went around the back of the property to listen to her tv, when her tv is at the front... I'm wondering if he 'did it'. Then I feel bad for thinking that about him

[milcmxxx]

The amount of times I’ve seen someone in light trousers or leggings and thought they didn’t have any on!! 🤣 I deffo believe what he’s told you sounds like he genuinely was just concerned!! He might have been embarrassed about that part of the story. I would just come out and ask him why he went round the back of her house x

[Wieas]

Can you tell him next time he comes round for a cup of tea to wear his sand coloured jeans and to start wearing them regularly? That way the neighbours will realise their error, if they see him.

[PotholeParadise]

Okay. I can see why the neighbours are very concerned and suspicious. I can also see why a timid person would have preferred to surreptitiously listen and reassure themselves that no further action was required, rather than knock on the door and disturb them the neighbours unnecessarily.

Especially in these days when we're supposed to be keeping away from elderly people in case we're carrying coronavirus.

A very apologetic note laying out his explanation might help.