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Is it me or are houseshares just full of bullies constantly?

(14 Posts)
Ukelele3 Sat 23-May-20 13:57:24

Been living in a house share for nearly 6 years now (hopefully buying a place soon though) and so I’ve had a number of different housemates over the years in the same house. They always tend to be either a bit creepy/pervy or very bossy or a selfish bully or a downright liar (telling tales to landlord about other housemates which are untrue) and the lockdown breakers (now having large gatherings in the shared house putting me at risk)

I’ve probably lived with 20 different housemates over the years and about 80% have fit into this category. The other 20% often keep themselves to themselves and are hardly in the house anyway.

I do wonder if it’s because most people in houseshares aren’t there by choice - either they’ve broken up with their partner so can’t afford their own place anymore, from abroad and a bit homesick or financially not well off enough to afford to rent a place of their own. I don’t really live with students so it’s often people who feel they’re too old for a house share.

It’s just so draining.

Ukelele3 Sat 23-May-20 14:47:56


PerspicaciaTick Sat 23-May-20 14:57:48

It is very difficult living with other people when all you have in common is your home.
At least some of the people you've lived with would probably say that you were hardwork in some way too. It is the nature of the situation that people will rub each other up the wrong way.

Lockheart Sat 23-May-20 15:04:19

My housemates (with the exception of one absolute psycho) have all been bloody lovely.

You need more stringent interviews before you move in / let someone new move in!

Feawen Sat 23-May-20 15:33:08

I agree with Miss Tick smile - it’s hard living with people you don’t have much in common with, and I think it’s inevitable that housemates annoy each other from time to time. However, my house sharing experience has been more good than bad. I lived in two different properties (one flat, one house) and who moved in with us was always down to the existing housemates, not the landlord or agency. Obviously they still did reference checks, but we picked people who we thought were like-minded and who we could get on with.

If you’re not ready or able to get your own place yet, maybe you could look for a house share where it’s the housemates advertising. That’s where I’d start with looking for somewhere. Then, when you view the house, have a good long chat with them and see if they’re your kind of people or not. A cleaning rota is good if you care about things being tidy, look for a house with communal space if you want to be social, etc. All house shares are not created equal.

Doingtheboxerbeat Sat 23-May-20 15:44:43

House sharing in London was the reason I moved back here. I lived in loads over the years and I had adjust my expectations with each and every house share for my sanity. Some, I was the uptight cleaning rota freak and the next I would be that free and easy laid back anything goes type of idiot. I always thought that I would fare well in the big brother house because I learned to adapt to any freak show grin.

Doingtheboxerbeat Sat 23-May-20 15:49:18

Ooh and the thought of sharing in lock down is the stuff of horrendous nightmares at least with big brother you can be evicted and you have a garden and a pool hmm.

jackparlabane Sat 23-May-20 15:57:05

If you don't have a say in who the people are, it's asking for clashes. I remember being worried about finding housemates for my 4th year at uni (friends all graduated) but they held a speed dating event to find households and 5 of us got together being very judgemental of others, felt guilty not giving benefit of the doubt, but it worked out really well.

Just as well, given as the house itself was a disaster.

user278654 Sat 23-May-20 16:18:46

I completely agree Ukelele3. Before I bought my own house very many years ago it was a minefield living with others. You had to put up with their strange habits. Mostly not able to clear up in the kitchen not paying bills,
having guests stay overnight and the inevitable problems about the use of the bathroom as in these days most houses only one bathroom.

There was also loud sex and loud music!

However when I did eventually buy my own house I had two housemates one after the other and they showed no consideration for my home needless to say they went and I moved to new area in less than year to live on my own.

Daffodil101 Sat 23-May-20 16:24:21

I’ve had few house shares before I bought a place, though that’s going back 24 years.

One was a huge narcissist, one was a ‘single white female’ stalker. One was pervy. One was a liar. One didn’t clean his own dishes. One was lovely.

So yes, I agree!

Ukelele3 Sat 23-May-20 22:29:57

Thanks so far everyone

Deathraystare Sun 24-May-20 08:05:18

I can really sympathise with you. At last our housing assoc. removed a very troubled man who was a misogynistic, narcisistic (?spelling?), bullying little napoleon. He is someone else's problem now!

I no longer hear him bellowing at the top of his voice and slamming doors. He did not want anyone in the kitchen when he was there. I had no problem with that but one other flatmate for some reason always seemed to want to get water/chuck something in kitchen's bin. I grew to loathe the little man so much that I avoided him at all costs.

He decided everything was my fault. He tried to say a package went missing and I had been responsible for that. He accused me of 'spying' on him when he was on the toilet. I just tried the handle and found the toilet locked! He did the same to me but I managed not to go over the top bellowing about people spying on me!!!

We are awaiting two more people (another flatmate moved out as could not stand his noise anymore). I do hope they are nothing like him!

Ukelele3 Tue 26-May-20 16:46:36

@Deathraystare yeah I’ve seen those types of characters frequently in house shares. I went through something very similar so I know the pain.

Blackbirdblue30 Tue 26-May-20 16:59:20

I had two alcoholics and a thirty year old virgin who listened at doors. Some lovely ones too who became great friends... But never again. I live in a tiny studio for now so I don’t have to share and retain my privacy and independence.

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