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Fantasy house buying - would you share with extended family?

(53 Posts)
JustaScratch Thu 21-May-20 14:12:06

Fantasy house-buying conversation between me and DH - if we could buy a decent size house in the country that had cottages or separate annexes in the grounds, we could move into the big house and put my parents in a cottage and my sister in another cottage. I thought it was a joke, but he weirdly seems quite keen on the idea and has started to research houses...

Pros: near family; get much bigger garden/grounds; babysitter when needed; can support parents as they get older.

Cons: may be privacy issues; potential challenges with doing it all legally and fairly, etc; may find mother wants to chat over coffee every morning when I need to get on!

This is all pure fantasy for now what with everything that's going on - but would you ever consider something like this, if you could? What would be your ground rules?

Aquamarine1029 Thu 21-May-20 14:17:02

Hard no from me. I love my parents but that is way too close for comfort. I value my privacy very highly, and I know my mother would pop over unannounced, and telling her not to would just be a hassle I wouldn't want to deal with.

Losedontsnooze Thu 21-May-20 14:19:38

It wouldn't work for me. I like the idea of this but in reality I would need to install a shark infested moat and a drawbridge.

madcatladyforever Thu 21-May-20 14:21:13

No, my mother decided out of the blue to buy a house opposite me some years ago. It was bloody awful because she's knock on the door at 6am on my day off wanting something.
Then she's go away for months on end to holiday homes or whatever and I'd be expected to clean and garden her place as well as mine.
She wasn't old then in her 50's.
I moved, it was too close for me.

Waxonwaxoff0 Thu 21-May-20 14:27:23

I would absolutely love it but I love being surrounded by people anyway.

Only rules would be no coming over unannounced. But my mum wouldn't do that anyway.

Youcunnyfunt Thu 21-May-20 14:37:40

I totally would grin

feedmecheese Thu 21-May-20 14:40:37

I couldn't do it- I like my own space too much and my parents/in-laws would not have any respect for privacy.

If you're considering it you'd need to think about how everyone would be about 'ground rules' (eg. whether they can pop in unannounced/which areas are communal etc). I know my family would be unhappy at even the idea of having rules- they'd expect that the plan would be for us to all be together all the time etc.

Also, how will it work financially? Assuming your parents/sister would in effect be buying their own part of the house how would you decide the cost of each section? If any of you need a mortgage how would that work? What would you do if any one of you wanted out?

Fishlegs Thu 21-May-20 14:41:30

I don’t think my family would like this, I’ve got too many kids who would be the ones popping over unannounced!

However, myself and a good family friend have discussed a similar scheme where our 2 families move in with her sister (a single parent). It would work really well, to share childcare etc, but none of have the cash to do it, which may be just as well grin

JustaScratch Thu 21-May-20 18:06:00

It's definitely a good point... when we stay with my parents my mum likes to follow me around the house to talk to me. Even to the extent of coming in to chat while I'm in the bath or getting dressed. grin

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Thu 21-May-20 18:15:38

We used to joke about this with my family but realistically, no way.

Hendalle Thu 21-May-20 18:49:04

My dream is to buy a plot, with enough space to have a decent garden, lawn/run area for the dog(s) and to build a nice little house for me and DH (maybe a log cabin, just 2 bedrooms) and a smaller cabin/studio with an en suite which would be a little way away from the house. This would be available for my DM, DAunty and PIL to come & stay in for as long as they like (they all live in New Zealand so usual visa restrictions would apply grin so they couldn’t stay for too long).
This property would also have a heated swimming pool, made out of a container. And parking for a car and camper van.
I have the plan, we only need the money grin

Paranoidmarvin Thu 21-May-20 19:07:11

My husbands mum would be a big yes ... my side of the family would be a big no

TARSCOUT Thu 21-May-20 19:11:44

No! I own my DM house and that's bad enough having her as a "tenant". Friend has just done what you have, well, built studio apartment onto theirs. Already causing nosy where are you going at this time of.night mum issues. Friend is 52...

DeRigueurMortis Thu 21-May-20 19:23:07

Potentially if said plot had 3 distinct houses over 10 miles apart grin.

Don't get me wrong I love my parents and in-laws but there is no way I'd want to live with them - and frankly I'm pretty sure they would say the same!

I think it's one of those things that sounds idilic until it's a reality, with the problem being it's an incredibly difficult situation to back out of once it's done.

Tbh I'd suggest to your DH that you go on holiday for as long as possible with your parents/sister in as near to the circumstances as he is thinking about.

I'm pretty sure he (and they) will feel differently after that....

Btw I did note in your opening post that there's no comment on what your family think of this idea.....and I'm not sure I'd be happy about being used as financial fodder to buy someone else their own dream home....

Rumtopf Thu 21-May-20 19:28:52

Yes, we're going to be doing just this. My parents are getting on but still very able in body and mind. They would love a wooden lodge type affair with a veranda and a view. We would like a large farmhouse with a decent acreage of land and woods. Parents would like to be close enough to use a golf buggy to get back and forth but not close enough to be intrusive.
We'd also like to make provision for dh's parents when they wish to retire and have a business venture too.

We've found somewhere we really like, but it's in Wales so can't go and view yet!

qate Thu 21-May-20 19:34:41

Yes, to both sides of family. Get on well with my parents and would love having them closer. MIL is getting older and think it would be nice to have her near us especially if she had her own cottage/annex so we all had some privacy and our own space.

iklboo Thu 21-May-20 19:35:52

Under no circumstances whatsoever. I love my parents, MIL, a couple of BILs, auntie & cousin but I'd be doing a long stretch of hard labour if I had to live with them.

Dozer Thu 21-May-20 19:37:03

Hell no!

BarbedBloom Thu 21-May-20 19:37:29

Not a chance in hell. MIL is lovely but we lived with her for a bit and I just couldn't do it again. I wouldn't want to be that near my mum either as we are chalk and cheese and can only spend a day or so together before we start arguing

Dozer Thu 21-May-20 19:37:49

And I have a good relationship with my parents and also like the in laws.

blaaake Thu 21-May-20 20:10:53

Absolutely not. I love my parents dearly but there's a reason I live 15 miles from them!! Close enough to pop in but far enough to have to arrange it first grin

mindutopia Thu 21-May-20 20:21:12

Dear god no, not unless it was a few hundred acres and they were miles away. And even then probably still no.

Is there anyone who might be able to make an investment in the property by gifting you some money and then you could turn the self-catering annexe into an income generating project?

That’s what we’re doing. But no way in hell would I let them live with me.

hiredandsqueak Thu 21-May-20 20:37:03

No chance, I wouldn't even share with my adult children grin I love them dearly but love them even more when they aren't in the same house as me.

EwwSprouts Thu 21-May-20 20:41:29

I like the idea of this but in reality I would need to install a shark infested moat and a drawbridge. This.

DelurkingAJ Thu 21-May-20 20:42:56

No way. I’d love to be closer (we’re a couple of hours from both) but about 5 miles would be my limit. I know they’d say the same!

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