Your worst ever colleague

[CrimsonCattery]

Just a bit of fun. All my current colleagues rate from amazing to only mildly irritating but in the past have worked with some right wankers.

The worst one was a couple of years ago. Civil service open plan office. Friendly team. One man was the same grade as me and started at a similar time never spoke to me which was fine if a little odd as we were all learning the work. We had the same mentor who was a lovely older woman eho had been doing our job for years. Our boss was also female.

Mentor told me he was completely blanking her and would only go to the men in our team for advice. He refused to take any direction from women and would default to our boss' male counterpart. We hotseated and he started kicking off if asked to sit next to someone of a lower grade (we were still relatively junior) which was bizarre as no one else cared about seniority like that. The men in our team also hated him and he narrowly escaped being hit at one Xmas social after a disgusting comment he made about the women in the team (they refused to share what he said). His work was also crap and he got fired for a combination of that and his terrible attitude.

We later found out from Google he had been fired from his previous job where he should have been helping people because he was unfairly finding against people he disapproved of. It was in the news as he lost an employment tribunal after he sued them.

Have also worked with milk thieves, phantom shitters and other oddballs. Its very dull where I am now in comparison!

[Deathraystare]

He sounds a night mare but I reckon he still gets jobs!


Mine was not half as bad but there was deffo something wrong with her. At interview she seemed very nice and friendly but blimey she changed. Was very demanding and used to phone the pathologists up about getting paid upfront (we got paid extra for typing up 'special' post mortems these were murders.

When she left (well, our office was made redundant) she said to my boss that "you had better give me a good reference or I will kill myself". She was a bit unhinged.

[Ilikewinter]

I work with someone who drops digusting farts and walks of laughing about it, i work in retail so cant walk off from the till, its so bad the smell makes me gag and i dread to think what customers think.

[Yawnfest]

We had a woman in the office who spent all her time on Facebook and following a band she was in to, wore earbuds and refused to take calls. If you had to ask her something you had to call her name over 3 times so she could hear, shed pull the buds out and spin round shouting WHAT! giving you a death stare.

Everyone was running around trying to pick up her work, while she came in late and left early. I brought up her attitude to team members and while the women would say " I don't know how she gets away with it" the men would say "I know but I like her" I raised it with the manager who said "yes I know exactly what she's like."

It was like a treat em mean keep em keen attitude.
When she got promoted I left.

[undercoveraessedai]

Oooh I've had a few. Boss that told me to treat him like a king , a male colleague who asked me what it felt like to always be the fat bridesmaid (I found this hilarious but presuming some people would have been quite upset) and a female colleague who just took random dislikes to people and refused to speak to or engage with them even when it was needed for the job.

I work for myself now

[draughtycatflap]

We had a very odd receptionist who seemed obsessed with teenagers having sex in the bushes bordering the property at night. One time he contacted the police and when they turned up presented them with a bag from his filing cabinet with a used condom in it! As evidence for DNA testing. 😂

The police declined to take it and gave him a roasting. The news went round the building like wildfire. I remember asking my colleague if the receptionist had filed it under J for Jizz...

[LilyE1234]

I was cabin crew and worked with some absolutely awful cabin managers. They’d shout at you in front of passengers, wouldn’t help at all (had “paperwork”) and would spend the whole time flirting with the pilots locked in the flight deck.

It’s then bizarre when you end up staying overnight somewhere and all of a sudden they’re shitfaced and trying to be your best mate or you see them crawling back to the hotel at 6am after pulling, only to be a dragon again once in uniform 😂 was a great few years but I do not miss it one bit.

[Sparklingbrook]

I was a 16 year old office junior. Had a 21 year old supervisor.
She would criticise me constantly for being slow even though I had just started.
A couple of weeks in I was finishing up before going home and she just switched the lights out on me, went home and left me in darkness.
Then she took the filing cabinet keys home because she deemed I had left them lying about. I didn’t sleep all night for worrying I had lost them. I was distraught. Then she waved them in my face when I got in, said ‘Looking for these Sparkling?’. Laughing.
Weirdly after a few months she became my friend and we would have a laugh. Not sure what it was all about really.

[PRandShoes]

Aaah, so many....

The man in the office who would sit at his desk, rub his hands together above his head, pick his nose, type and repeat. It was hard to work out what was more irritating - the hand rubbing or the nose picking. The same man was a bit senior to me and for some reason was obsessed with the fact that in his opinion, it was more efficient to have a notebook for each client. It really really wound him up that I worked off one notebook. And no, it wasn't for security or other purposes. It just infuriated him that I wouldn't do things his way.

Then there was the boss who didn't believe that colleagues should greet each other in the morning beyond "good morning". His view was that as soon as you came in, you should be working. Niceties such as, "good evening?" or whatever were inappropriate. And woe betide he ever caught anyone chatting about a tv show or something...

My favourite was when I worked in a really small office - two partners, me as the junior and a PA/receptionist. The PA once came to me OUTRAGED because the bosses didn't trust him and he couldn't believe it and how dare they etc etc etc. Turned out the reason he knew they didn't trust him is because he'd gone into their respective email and read messages between the two of them.... he was fired shortly thereafter.

[Inaquandry19]

A horrible, sneaky little liar who twisted things and crawled to the bosses to try and climb the ladder. She clearly thought she was better that the job she was employed to do, she wasn't. Bitched and moaned about not being paid enough but never wanted to actually do any work when asked.

[StinkyDrivers]

Name changed for this cause this guy was notorious in our area so it could be traced back to me.

Many moons ago when I was a teen I worked as counter staff in a take away restaurant. After I'd been there for a while they hired a new driver for deliveries. I've no idea why the owners thought it was a good idea to hire him to deliver food as he had the worst personal hygiene of anyone I've ever came across.

It was as if there was a layer of grime all over him and you could smell him before he came round the corner. He was well aware and use to joke he hadn't had a wash in two weeks but would get a bath that night so his wife would have sex with him.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

I worked with Mr Minorsexualassault who liked to grab backsides on staircases. You might expect him to be one of the old 'dinosaur' types but he was a little bit younger than me! The boss of that office didn't speak to any woman he didn't think was attractive.

My current team member, Mr Lazyarse, is one of the most disengaged, bone idle twats I have ever met. He tells lies too.

I've worked with some really vile people in schools - no idea why they were let loose near children and they were so childish and bitchy. One of them was genuinely paranoid. Sometimes I wonder how these people keep getting jobs.

[JoesExotic]

I worked with one guy who used to argue with himself incessantly, and loudly. He was well known for it and I don't even know if he knew he was doing it half the time.
We were all having a chat about something that had been on tv the night before, something inoffensive like Blue Planet, and he got up to walk off, I was making a brew anyway so followed on a few steps behind. All the way to the brew room he was saying loudly to himself "bunch of cunts, fucking idiots, dickheads, fucking pricks,....Squirrel!"
I was !

[Sloth66]

My worst was a Band 7 manager in the NHS.
Sweet as pie at my interview, but I soon realised that she made the work atmosphere awful and couldn’t cope - it was a clinic, not ITU.
Shouting and undermining staff in front of patients, rude and incompetent. People were going home in tears. I made a formal complaint and was told she’d be dealt with. She was pulled off a few sessions. Then sat in the office doing nothing, so basically rewarded.
She’s still there drawing a nice salary. Staff turnover high , not many stay.

[sashh]

Oh a few.

The more junior to me member of staff who put so much effort into not working it would have been less effort for him to actually work.

The guy who would always sit at the same desk and when he had completed his work would log of AND swittch off the computer he used. Which wouldn't be a major problem if that wasn't the server for the printer shared by everyone in the office.

He also smoked a pipe in the kitchen.

I worked for the NHS and some junior doctors treated non medicls like shit.

When we were doing stress tests we had to have 2 members of staff, on phisiologist and either a second or a doctor.

So you would bleep the Dr, normally they would get back to you and let you know they would be a couple of mins while they finished something.

If they were not available then you bl;eeped the more senior doctor and up the food chain.

One junior Dr was pretty obnoxious and told me he had no idea when he would be ready and I would just have to wait.

So I bleeped the next one up the chain and was surprised to get hte consultant answer, he was carrying the bleep because more senior was of ill and came down to attend the test.

Part way throught he test junior wanker doctor walks in, starts to ask me why I've started without him, notices the consultant and stutters. The consultant tod him to go back and carry on with whatever was more important while consultant finished his work.

I was too professional to kiss the consultant but I felt like it.

[AmNot]

Several. NHS. The criminally worst being 2 male nurses going to prison. One for sexually assaulting colleagues, one for grooming and having a sexual relationship with a young teen.

Consultant Psychiatrist being sentenced to over 3 years in prison for numerous offences was the worst though. He was a fucking bellend making lives a misery for years before.

[SedentaryCat]

I worked with someone who erroneously thought he was the most attractive man on the planet. From his brown polyester trousers to the BO, to his unwashed, unstyled greasy hair. For some reason he was also married.

His MO was to befriend any woman new to the workplace, take her out to lunch on the basis of being 'supportive', and knowing how difficult the first couple of weeks could be.

After a period of time he became attached and a bit of an annoyance, leading to little touches in slightly inapproriate places - the knee, on your waist but slightly higher, just under a breast, and moving up to a kiss on the cheek for 'all the support' you gave him

It was an open secret and the team he worked in made bets on how long it would be before the unsuspecting victim would be taken out to lunch. Horrible little man.

[CocoLoco87]

I used to work for a really small company. Female boss, and then me and 2 guys on the sales team. Whenever the boss was out, the 2 guys would start making awful sexist comments, be really derogatory towards women. They used to pretend to be a woman giving a blow job and start choking and gagging

It was horrific to work there as they were really liked by the boss. I didnt feel like I could say anything about it and there was no HR department as there were only 4 of us! I was so relieved when I left, I practically skipped out the door!

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

A toss up between :

The woman who forced the entire admin office to work in absolute silence for weeks because someone took her chair

The middle aged man who made unsolicited comments about every womans appearance

The young girl who turned on the waterworks at any perceived criticism

And That Bitch who bullied me for six months because of a misunderstanding of her own making and made it impossible for either of us to carry on working there.

Her because she looked an absolute fool when the truth came out, me because the managers knew and did nothing and I felt like it was condoned.

[User56781234]

Also ex NHS so I could write a book!

My special nomination would go to a spiteful little sh*t who would come in half an hour late, take half an hour extra for lunch and go home half an hour early. So, over 5 days, he wouldn't actually be in the building for 7.5 hours or 1 full working day. When he actually was in the building, he would vanish from his desk for HOURS at a time, swanning around the building gossiping or vanishing into the loos. His magic trick however, was to transform into the perfect employee when the boss was (only very) occasionally in the building.

[Jayaywhynot]

My married female coworker usedls the workplace as a pool of men to have affairs with, large male workforce, she does very little work and thinks she loved by all. "No hun, they love the blow jobs you give in the locker room" we still work together, her stories get me through dull days!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I have never worked with anyone that I didn't get on with and am now worrying that the worst colleague they have ever worked with might have been me..

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

Hard to pick really. My line manager when I worked in a Connexions team years ago has stuck in my mind as an incompetent fucking madwoman though. I genuinely hated her by the time I moved on and that is unusual for me. I try never to think about her because it leads to me wanting to find and punch her and I don't think these are very healthy thoughts. Fucking bitch though, fucking dishonest, self serving, ignorant, racist, bullying old bitch.

[foxychox]

My industry tends to be very professional but I taught abroad for a few years and that was a right opener! One guy turned up off his head on drugs with his underage girlfriend (a student from another school he taught at, no less) and one completely drunk leering at young girls. What was worse is that the manager did very little about it so as not to lose the teaching contract....

[jonnybiscuits]

The one whose nose whistled when he breathed.

I was fucking murderous