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DH has very kindly dug his own grave.

(94 Posts)
ProperVexed Tue 07-Apr-20 06:32:03

What a star! I always knew he was a goodun. However, after many, many years of marriage and the current lockdown I have been eyeing up the patio and wondering how I can get him under it. But, in a delightful turn of events, DH decided to move a magnolia tree from the front garden to the back. So he and DS spent many happy hours digging and uprooted said tree. It is now laying on its side next to a very, very large hole. Unfortunately tree has proved too heavy for the whole family to lift to its new home so it was all a pointless exercise.
So, if DH gets on my last nerve once more I can bop him on the head, drag him into the hole, tip the tree back on top of him, and watch the blooms from such good compost for many years to come undisturbed.
It could be the perfect murder.
I'm tempted.....I think this is lighthearted...but my level of planning worries me.

KatherineJaneway Tue 07-Apr-20 06:41:12

Take out really good insurance first grin

ProperVexed Tue 07-Apr-20 06:43:40

He's well insured. I might get him to finish painting the hall, landing and stairs, and finish the garden fencing.

DonnaDarko Tue 07-Apr-20 06:51:07


penisbeakers Tue 07-Apr-20 06:55:57


Mary1935 Tue 07-Apr-20 07:01:42

Good to have some humour.😀😀

NiteFlights Tue 07-Apr-20 07:03:35


Pinkarsedfly Tue 07-Apr-20 07:05:14

I’m worried...for your poor magnolia, obviously.

TrudysTerribleFringe Tue 07-Apr-20 07:05:55

What a considerate DH you have. Are you strong enough to tip the tree though.

ChrissieKeller61 Tue 07-Apr-20 07:06:51

Now it's premeditated, frankly you've stuffed this up.

prampushingdownthehighst Tue 07-Apr-20 07:07:04

This has put a smile on my face!! ( for the first time in a while)
Thank you grin

ProperVexed Tue 07-Apr-20 07:08:18

I will find the strength to tip the tree. Main problem will be if the tree also dies because it has been uprooted for a while. Poor tree. Magnolia's hate being disturbed.

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne Tue 07-Apr-20 07:11:26

He's of the helpful sort!
I would act sooner rather than later though, the magnolia won't be happy about being uprooted and might decide you don't deserve any blooms.

Wasail Tue 07-Apr-20 07:12:16

The magnolia will be fine with it, all that extra rotting human fertiliser will do it good. Your main problem is it will look suspiciously healthy considering it’s disturbance

SignGrudgeBluebook Tue 07-Apr-20 07:12:49

The fact they have unprooted a Magnolia with no real thought for the next move and probably killing it into the process would have me ending the pair of them!

LellyMcKelly Tue 07-Apr-20 07:15:01

I wouldn’t drag him to the hole. Bop him while he’s standing right next to the hole and then you’ll just need to tip him in.

incognitomum Tue 07-Apr-20 07:17:27


Potterspotter Tue 07-Apr-20 07:22:00

Team Magnolia here - if the magnolia dies he’ll need a date worse than death 😀

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou Tue 07-Apr-20 07:29:28


countrygirl99 Tue 07-Apr-20 07:45:26

Definitely get the painting done first

Troels Tue 07-Apr-20 07:50:30

Poor Magnolia.
Dh told me he'd dug the family grave yesterday, I could hear digging, he's taken up the slabs at the side of the house to move the path and widen it, so he said we could just make it a bit deeper.
I did tell him. Family plot?, my arse, theres only room for you. Slabs are still up.

Mulhollandmagoo Tue 07-Apr-20 07:59:08

Hahahahaha, I love this! It's the perfect crime 😂

Mumski45 Tue 07-Apr-20 08:01:10

I too am worried for Magnolia tree. I love magnolias and I'm not sure it would take well to being moved especially as it is now flowering season. For that reason if I were you DH would soon be in the hole with magnolia back on top.

SchadenfreudePersonified Tue 07-Apr-20 08:03:45

I would do the deed now while the magnolia still has chance of recovery.

tellmetocalmdown Tue 07-Apr-20 08:05:45


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