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To be ashamed that my life is as normal??

(64 Posts)
BeingLonely Thu 02-Apr-20 00:32:30

Name changedsad sorry!

All I keep hearing from the government is how life shouldn’t feel normal just now but mine does. Granted the kids are off school and me and OH are still at work because we are key workers but otherwise nothing has changed.

I don’t socialise, I have no friends. We don’t have babysitters so no date nights. I can’t remember the last time I was in a pub or had a fun night.

It’s sad to see everyone saying how much they miss their friends and family and how they can’t wait to get together when I know for me life will stay the same.

Anyone else feeling the same and just wanting a sad moan? sad

lonelylouise Thu 02-Apr-20 00:38:34

Nothing has changed here either, still as lonely.

Kyliesgoldshorts Thu 02-Apr-20 00:39:26

I’m the same. I can’t work though and am feeling a bit depressed at the lack of company. I work from home though (I’m a hairdresser with a salon my house) so I never leave home anyway hardly.
I’ve two teens 13 & 15 but their chat isnt the same as my clients.

HarrietThePi Thu 02-Apr-20 00:39:30

Can you plan a night out with your dp for once things are back to normal? I'm sure you could get childcare sorted for a few hours one evening? Sounds like it would do you good.

My life hasn't changed much either, taking work and school closures out of the equation, but I'm happy how I usually am.

Designerenvy Thu 02-Apr-20 00:41:01

@beinglonely , use this as an opportunity to change things . When things are back to normal, maybe arrange a babysitter and go for a drink / meal with DH.
Join a club, walking group, a short course , anything ..... just to meet new people and maybe just have an interest outside home or work.
We all get stuck in a rut sometimes, but we can change it .
Start planning now and it will give you something to look forward to.

SquashedFlyBiscuit Thu 02-Apr-20 00:43:06

I think many of us missing people are actually stuck in their houses 24/7 all the time so life really doesnt feel like normal. I would guess your life hasnt changed as drastically (for you) as you're still going out to work and seeing people?

BeingLonely Thu 02-Apr-20 01:06:50

@HarrietThePi it’s definitely something we need to put more of an effort into. It’s just easier to stay home isn’t it sad

@SquashedFlyBiscuit I guess your right. My work hasn’t changed at all minus the social distancing and hygiene efforts so life hasn’t changed for me. Except when I go to the shops now I guess grin

SquashedFlyBiscuit Thu 02-Apr-20 01:12:18

I literally haven't left my house or seen anyone for 3 weeks! It does strange things to you hence people missing their routines and seeing people they recognise. I wasn't particularly social before but thered be people at the school gates I'd see or at work I'd pass time with

Not meaning to minimise what you're doing or feeling at all. I'd have a whole different ball of anxiety if I was out and about and I'm so unbelievably grateful to all key workers, it just might explain why some people feel life has changed beyond all recognition.

Hadenoughofitall441 Thu 02-Apr-20 01:15:34

I too don’t socialise much, having a child with asd who relies mostly on you does that for you. I don’t drink anyway. I do miss visiting family, I haven’t seen my little brothers and sisters since October, we were due to go 2 weeks ago but now that will be put on hold until god knows when. I think it’s the choice, like at the moment we can’t go out for meals, we can’t go shopping easily. When you don’t have many options you kinda feel a bit trapped.

SapphireSeptember Thu 02-Apr-20 01:25:27

Nope, my life is still fairly normal, I'm still going out to work (supermarket) and not leaving the house on my days off. I suppose I'm lucky I'm still working. Gives me people to talk to. smile Also means I still get to see my FWB even if he can't come and visit me (as he's someone who works there too.)

The only difference is I haven't seen my friends in ages and church is closed for a while. Oh well.

amazedmummy Thu 02-Apr-20 01:31:56

I'm on mat leave but would be classed as a key worker. My life is very different. I can't go to baby groups and meet up with the mums I was getting to know. My mum and sister haven't seen DS in weeks and he will have changed so much when they're able to. DH isn't working at the moment so he's around all the time and we're starting to get on each other's nerves. My entire day just revolves around the same things feeding, changing and playing with DS. He has a nap and we do it all again. It feels like Groundhog Day.

RupertBear15 Thu 02-Apr-20 01:48:31

Yes OP I feel very much the same as you! My lifestyle has barely changed, if at all. I am stay at home mum and have been for 16 years. I was a teacher before I had kids and am only now just starting to go back to work to do some tutoring for a supply agency and local adult Ed college. I had 3 children in 3 years and have stayed at home while my DH works. We could never have afforded childcare for 3 under 3 and secondary teaching is not really available part - time. So my giving up work was right for us at the time, plus my DH earns far more working in Tech as I would do as a teacher. All I have done is bring up babies, take them to toddler groups and then the school run for 10 years. So my daily routine has been; morning school run, back home & chores, afternoon school run and homework and things like Scouts, cook dinner - see my DH in the evening and bed. Every bloody day ! For years! My only change is when I go to my local Tesco and then into town for a coffee once, maybe twice a week. I need reconstructive abdominal surgery as well so can’t do any physical work at present, apart from the basics. I can’t drive, have no friends and know hardly any one locally.

I did have some friends when we lived in London but we then moved to a small market town in the south east to buy a house rather than rent. I have found getting to know people isn’t that easy. I joined an art club that I didn’t much like and as a Catholic, I tried the local one for ) months but it was very much focused on the older parishioner so I stopped going eventually which has upset me. So yes, I’ve lived most of the last twenty years in my house like a recluse! I do go out to our nearest city for a break some weekends but I’m the whole I spend my life at home.

I’m sad that my life is so restricted ; I suffer from anxiety but it’s actually my circumstances that haven’t helped. Just cooped up every day with 3 small children, constantly sleep deprived and little money has made me more introverted.

HarrietThePi Thu 02-Apr-20 01:52:35

It might be fun for you two to plan something nice to look forward to when this ends. It is easier to stay at home I agree!

I think even with going to work still, you and most of us are also missing out on small daily interactions now that we are encouraged to stay home as much as possible, and stand 5 miles apart from each other at all times! I think it makes things feel lonelier or more isolated, even for people who aren't big on going out, most of us are used to small moments of interaction.

Lynda07 Thu 02-Apr-20 02:13:52

My life hasn't changed much either. I do feel as though I'm in a time capsule at the moment because of the virus and that is weird but most of the time, everything is OK. I didn't go out unless I absolutely had to before all this and now have an excuse :-). That probably sounds dreadful, I'm just being truthful. I'm trying to help others in more need - remotely - where I can but it's not much, honestly.

You and husband are key workers so do go out to work and presumably see other people. I'm retired. I don't get why you feel sad - you can't socialise at the moment but you say you don't do much of that anyway. Do you wish you did? Maybe you can address that when this is all over. Does your husband feel the same? I presume your children have friends.

I hope you cheer up soon, BeingLonely. wine

Lynda07 Thu 02-Apr-20 02:15:49

PS: Plan a nice break away somewhere for the future. Let your imagination run wild over it, something to look forward to.

eaglejulesk Thu 02-Apr-20 02:16:20

My life hasn't changed a great deal. I took redundancy from my admin job 19 months ago, and while I have been doing a bit of temp work most of the time I haven't been working. Apart from being able to go out for coffee on Sundays, and lunch with friends now and again I am doing just as I was before lockdown, although I'm not seeing my father - keeping in touch by phone. I always went for a daily walk so that continues. I'm not lonely however as I love living alone, and I'm an only child so quite self contained. Plenty of books, DVDs and music and my cats - that's all I need!

notangelinajolie Thu 02-Apr-20 02:27:43

My life is pretty much the same as it was before. I'm happy with my own company and could quite happily live the life of a recluse in my own island somewhere. We are all different and I don't imagine my life would excite most folk. It's the going out/sociable people I feel sorry for. My kids are really struggling with it.

Lalala205 Thu 02-Apr-20 03:10:50

I'm a keyworker and my life is still the same work wise, but now also shopping for myself plus 4 family members who are self isolating. It's pretty wank trailing round numerous shops due to the limit on purchases (obviously I completely get it!). Also extra petrol expenses, feelings of 'am I doing enough'?... But work feels weirdly comforting because its the same as it ever was (with added handwashing). When I go on fb it feels like another world with loads of folk following the new guidelines, rating Joe Wicks PE.... I'm still at work so didn't follow SM much before, and probs less so now 😂 I feel like I'm not living how the majority of the world currently exists? I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing? I'm travelling in my car with a keyworker letter, and my work badge has never got so much an outing 😁... I'm not NHS so don't get the relative 'perks' that are currently being extended (as they should!).... I feel like I'm just someone in between either camps currently, and it's 'different but the same' 🤔

Purpleartichoke Thu 02-Apr-20 03:15:10

Hardly any difference here. I already worked from home. The only difference is that I no longer have to worry about doing the school runs on time. I had no social life to give up anyway.

Custardcreamies101 Thu 02-Apr-20 03:19:25

Me too

Petiolaris Thu 02-Apr-20 03:24:22

My life hasn’t changed much. I’ve been trapped at home with DC for over two years because of the high cost of childcare. The only difference is I’d usually take DC out for a coffee and a walk around or visit the park etc for an hour to break the monotony, but now I can’t. I’m not bothered - we play in the garden instead and I bought a coffee machine. In fact my life has actually improved, because now DH can’t go out at the weekend and leave me holding the baby, so he has no excuse not to take his turn and I actually get some time off.

aLilNonnyMouse Thu 02-Apr-20 03:24:52

Nothing has changed for me either. I can't leave the house alone as I can't self propel my wheelchair more than 30 meters and my carers are too busy to take me out more than once a month or so. I usually only ever left the house for doctors appointments.

I'm 100% business as usual with the exception that my carers can't visit so I'm eating takaways every night instead of having someone cook for me and the flat is getting a bit messy as there is no one to clean it.

IHaveBrilloHair Thu 02-Apr-20 04:19:10

I never really go out as I have a chronic illness/disability.
It's normal for me to stay in for days, even weeks at a time.

FinnsLeftSpoon Thu 02-Apr-20 05:00:07

It's normal for me and the added anxiety on top of the usual loneliness is just horrendous.

Work is very very stressful because of the pandemic and I have no one to talk to about that or anything else. I can't do the usual activities where at least I might get to talk to someone for a few minutes.

Someone at work asked me two weeks ago if I was ok and I very nearly burst into tears.

cornishdreams1 Thu 02-Apr-20 05:51:03

If you are still working, and you have a quiet life anyway of course its going to feel the same for you. That doesn't make it sad or something to upset about, you are one of the few that have hardly been impacted.

My dh is the same, he likes his own company and is working from home, so his life has barely changed at all.

The government and news channels are really referring to those that have stopped work, schools have stopped and no one can go anywhere, for them it is a huge change, even if like you they have a quieter life.

A quiet life is nothing to be ashamed of IF you are happy with it, but if you secretly wish for more, then I would use this situation as an opportunity to change, when everyone goes back to work/school/gym/nights out then there will be an opening to reengage with the world around you.

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