Advanced search

Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

(184 Posts)
iwasoffill Thu 27-Feb-20 13:45:51

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

OneHanded Thu 27-Feb-20 13:50:34

I’m so sorry you had to endure that and I completely empathise. Unfortunately you can’t trust anyone.

PointlessAddict Thu 27-Feb-20 13:52:24

Outrageous. No wonder you’re furious

TurquoiseKiss Thu 27-Feb-20 13:52:58

Wow. That is poor form, i'm sorry you're going through this OP! You have every right to be angry. Whatever happened to believing what your staff tell you? No hard evidence either - if you were in the pictures, maybe there'd be some substance to it. There's a snake in the grass among your colleagues.

No real solid advice but just to say I share in your frustration. I assume there's no policy written in stone that absent employees will be questioned if they're tagged on social media!?

Years ago (when Facebook was more of 'a thing') one of my colleagues was on in at lunchtime on their work PC. Our line manager, who had recently added her as a friend, was working from home at the same time, sent her a message via Messenger saying "why are you on Facebook when you should be doing work?" er...could say the same thing to you!

Connie222 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:53:08

Christ, that is shitty! Sorry that happened. People are arseholes. I bet it made them feel great to run off to HR and tell on you.

HolyChickpea Thu 27-Feb-20 13:53:31

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach?
Someone reported it, management and HR dealt with it and it's sorted.
I wouldn't let it worry you any more.

heartsonacake Thu 27-Feb-20 13:55:15

Thing is, colleagues are people that you work with first and maybe friends second. If you being off is creating a horrible situation for them and they think you are taking the piss, they will tell their boss and they have a right to.

They haven’t done anything wrong; your settings allowed them to see these posts and they misinterpreted.

elastamum Thu 27-Feb-20 13:55:43

If you are feeling brave, under GDPR you cold insist they share the information they have about you. I would make a formal request. They have no right to keep electronic pictures of your children.

Hercwasonaroll Thu 27-Feb-20 13:55:44

I can see both sides of this. You rang in sick and someone tagged you at the beach. It's crap whoever reported you but there are loads of people who do take the piss nowadays.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:56:27

"looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this."

It'll be the one who smiles at you sweetly and pretends to be your best mate sad

iwasoffill Thu 27-Feb-20 13:56:40

@HolyChickpea I totally understand why I have been asked - it's the issue that someone hasn't even had the guts to ask me, and has ended up with me being hauled in for a bollocking

My anxiety now feels 100 times worse and I've been sat at work in floods of tears because someone decided to interfere in something

BlackCatSleeping Thu 27-Feb-20 13:56:57

I think you are completely and utterly overreacting. Someone had concerns and they were investigated. That's all. Surely you can see it looks suspicious that you were tagged at the beach. 🤷‍♀️

JollyGiraffe12 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:57:34

Put in a complaint with HR and demand an apology

iwasoffill Thu 27-Feb-20 13:58:37

It'll be the one who smiles at you sweetly and pretends to be your best mate That's the hardest part.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I get hurt by"friends" far too often but rather than react to it, i carry on with my heart on my sleeve.

If I become difficult I am accused of being obtrusive.

AnnaJKing Thu 27-Feb-20 13:58:48

Please be careful what you write here - I also saw your post on a FB group so I know your name etc.

BlackCatSleeping Thu 27-Feb-20 13:58:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CharmingB Thu 27-Feb-20 13:58:57

I can understand why your boss had to ask but in your position my anger would be directed in the same way as yours - to whatever "friend" told the boss in the first instance.

Unfortunately work friends can lull you in to a false sense of security. You often feel like you're really good, close friends but it's only when something like this happens or one of you leaves and you lose contact that you realise you probably weren't as close as you thought.

I would be slightly annoyed at the presence of HR in the meeting though. It could easily have been dealt with as an informal chat. It makes it look to your colleagues that even they think you're taking the piss!

iwasoffill Thu 27-Feb-20 13:59:35

@BlackCatSleeping It was a photograph of my son. Not me. I was tagged in the photo by my husband so I could see it as I was at home, ill, wracked with anxiety being alone and worrying if my son was OK.

BlackCatSleeping Thu 27-Feb-20 14:01:19


I totally understand. I'm just saying that often when people are tagged in photos, it's because they are there, hence the misunderstanding.

That's all it was, a misunderstanding. It's really not worth getting so upset about. flowers

SinkGirl Thu 27-Feb-20 14:01:37

She wasn’t tagged at the beach. She was tagged in a post when a family member posted photos of her child. Pretty typical behaviour. I tag DH in posts all the time if I want him or his family to see them. Doesn’t mean he was there’s

Unfortunately it does seem to show on fb as “SinkGirl was with SinkBoy”, but surely anyone on Facebook understands this quirk?

Divebar Thu 27-Feb-20 14:01:58

The sort of people that report to HR ( or management) are never never going to ask you directly about it. Never.

heartsonacake Thu 27-Feb-20 14:02:12

* it's the issue that someone hasn't even had the guts to ask me*

Why should they? If you’re taking the piss it’s a matter for your boss. Employees shouldn’t confront each other on whether others being off are actually sick or not.

You’re making a mountain out a molehill. You were asked, you explained, it’s dropped. Get over it.

iwasoffill Thu 27-Feb-20 14:02:37

I am going to sign off and leave this post now.

Just needed to vent. Going to try and give this no more of my headspace.

JudgeRindersMinder Thu 27-Feb-20 14:03:41

I feel your anger. I’m dealing with a loosely similar thing just now.
It’s not so much the being asked, it’s the way in which you’ve been asked-the assumption that you’ve done something that you need to defend rather than just asking for an explanation.
You’ve done the right thing in deleting work colleagues-I’ve done the same.

heartsonacake Thu 27-Feb-20 14:03:45

wracked with anxiety being alone and worrying if my son was OK.

If you have anxiety over your son being cared for by his father and grandparents you need to see a doctor. It’s affecting your day to day life.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »