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Husband has died

(172 Posts)
AssignedFuckerAtBirth Sat 22-Feb-20 00:01:58

Hi everyone I dont really know what I am posting for or what I want to hear but I need some impartial help and support.
My husband of 16 years died 3 weeks ago, it was a sudden and unexpected and as yet unexplained death.
I have 4 children ranging in age from 8 to 16 and I just dont know what to do. They are all coping with it differently and I feel as though I am being pulled in so many different directions. As well as this I am trying to process my own feelings. I feel numb and shocked still and trying to help everyone at once. I feel as though I have had to put my own feelings aside for the kids but I miss him so much that it hurts me physically to think of it so I block it out.
Thank you to anyone who reads and listens xx

UhKevin Sat 22-Feb-20 00:05:42

I have no experience/advice but I couldn’t read and run. I’m so, so sorry. flowers

sunshinel Sat 22-Feb-20 00:05:59

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm sorry I have no advice but wanted to let you know I'm listening flowersxx

vinoandbrie Sat 22-Feb-20 00:06:29

I’m so very sorry for your loss, and hope these words do not sound trite and hollow.

Thinking of you, and your children, and sending you strength at this worst of times.

MrsAmaretto Sat 22-Feb-20 00:07:40

I'm so sorry to read this, you must be in so much pain. My dad died when I was 10. Have you had anytime alone yet, without the children? You sound like you need some space for you and your feelings. xx

BillieEilish Sat 22-Feb-20 00:08:12

Assigned I am so, so sorry, I honestly don't know what to say. This is dreadful.

You really, really have to look after yourself... I imagine you are running on adrenaline now.

Have you got anyone supportive you can rely on nearby?

Keep talking on here, I find it helps so much to have someone to vent to, often strangers are better than people you actually know.

How are you coping with the logistics of the whole situation? Did he leave you financially secure?

I genuinely am sending you love flowers

confusedandemployed Sat 22-Feb-20 00:09:30

I'm so very sorry. What a terrible thing.

I'm eternally practical, so my immediate questions were: are you getting help? GP, bereavement charities, counselling, help at school for the children?

Skagen Sat 22-Feb-20 00:11:25

Goodness me, I am so sorry for you and your children. Do you have any real life support?

I imagine that you are still in shock to be honest. There are charities out there who will help you to help your children when you're all ready. I believe Winstons Wish is one of the ones which is often mentioned.

Do you want to talk about your husband? X

user1333796 Sat 22-Feb-20 00:12:20

I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

Can you lean on support from others? People will want to help, even strangers will help. It sounds like you need some time to process being a grieving wife by talking with another adult while someone else takes over with the kids for a couple of days.

RossCaaan Sat 22-Feb-20 00:12:20

Sending you lots of love.


itsgettingcloser Sat 22-Feb-20 00:12:21

So sorry for your loss. To be dealing with your own emotions is hard enough and on top of it your also dealing with 4 other people’s shock grief and emotions. 💝 If you don’t have anyone to talk to about your feelings in real life perhaps you could speak to a grief councillor?

It may give you the listening ear and space you need to talk and refresh your own mind briefly to help you in then to be able to deal with the children.

Please don’t try to do it all alone there is help and support. Sending you 💝

MuchTooTired Sat 22-Feb-20 00:12:37

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you, your children and your family. Any death is horrible, but a sudden shock one is a particularly cruel one in my limited experience. It’s bloody awful, I’m so sorry xx

WitchSharkadder Sat 22-Feb-20 00:13:38

I am so sorry for your loss, it must be devastating for you and your children.

I would second getting gas much outside help as you can access, both for you and the children. School were brilliant with my children when they were grieving so do open up to your DCs school. Have you spoken to your GP or made a self-referral for counselling?

Understandably your children are leaning on you and need a lot of love, support and reassurance right not, but do you have anyone you can lean on?

Love to you all flowers

AssignedFuckerAtBirth Sat 22-Feb-20 00:17:43

Thank you everyone for your kind words.
To answer a few questions we had no life insurance or anything like that as we are both only in our early 30's and had not really thought about that sort of thing. So stupid I know.
I have amzing support from both my family and his but to be honest we were one of those annoying couples who did everything together so even when my house was filled with people I still feel lonely as none of them are him.
He was always the happy, joker in the family and I was the sensible strict one so there is now a massive hole that I dont know how to fill.

bettybattenburg Sat 22-Feb-20 00:19:56

I'm so sorry thanks

Pumpkinpie1 Sat 22-Feb-20 00:20:04

I’m very sorry for your loss x
A friend who lost her husband young and suddenly , got a lot of support from WAY I don’t know if they could help you too

AssignedFuckerAtBirth Sat 22-Feb-20 00:20:54

The kids are getting counselling through their schools and also CAHMS for the teenager.
I dont know what I could say to a counsellor to be honest as nothing will bring him back. We had so many plans for the future too and if I look that far ahead I think I will crumble.

BillieEilish Sat 22-Feb-20 00:26:12

Bless you, you have organised help for your DC's. Well done you.

I think it is literally day by day at this point. Just try and get through the day. But honestly, I don't know. I just imagine this is how I would cope.

No, not many people in their 30's organise life insurance. Of course. You are not stupid. Do you work? Do you have enough money to cope right now?

I am so pleased you have supportive family, close to you x

AssignedFuckerAtBirth Sat 22-Feb-20 00:26:15

He was funny and kind, not a saint by any means but a brilliant daddy and a generous husband. I had no idea he was so well loved until he died when we received over 700 mass and sympathy cards and every single one said the same thing that he was a true gentleman in every sense of the word.

Katypyee Sat 22-Feb-20 00:28:47

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Hug big gentle hugs.

HerewardTheWoke Sat 22-Feb-20 00:28:56

So sorry flowers It must be incredibly hard not to have an explanation yet. I hope you are able to find out so you are not left with unanswered questions.

I know there are quite a few people on here who have lost partners at a young age so I hope some of them find their way here.

LizzieVereker Sat 22-Feb-20 00:29:18

I am terribly sorry, and sending you love.

What a wonderful tribute those cards are. And you have done so well to organise that support for your children, you sound like wonderful parents and a love.y couple. I am so sorry.

BillieEilish Sat 22-Feb-20 00:29:18

Well, isn't that lovely that you had such a happy and wonderful marriage.

That would bring me some sort of peace, personally.

He was loved and happy x

MySweetLittleTriffid Sat 22-Feb-20 00:30:29

I'm so sorry for your loss, what a dreadful tragedy flowers

AssignedFuckerAtBirth Sat 22-Feb-20 00:30:32

Dealing with all the financial stuff is so overwhelming. I should be ok after it all gets sorted out but it all seems so irrelevant now.
My youngest daughter in particular is worrying me as she is so angry at me all the time and is lashing out at her siblings. She was definitely closest to her dad so I kind of understand but its almost like she hates me for not being able to fix it for her

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