Overheard my DS on the phone. I feel sick.

[NameChangeCentral]

I've just been having a lie down in my room with a headache. 14yo (nearly 15yo) DS1 is on his phone to a friend.
I have picked up from the conversation the following -
"But she's only 12. She told me on snapchat she was 15. She asked me out and we were going to, but I backed out at the last minute. Shes blocked me now so I cant screenshot the messages. She lied and now I'm being called a paedo for something I didn't know. I asked her before how old she was - she had told me shes 15 and doing exams.
Her pals have told my pals I'm a paedo. I'm fuming..."

For purposes of full disclosure and not drip feeding, he has aspergers. I have no clue if his literal/straight to the point way of dealing with this is relevant or not, as I haven't spoken with him yet.
I believe totally what hes saying, ie he asked her age etc.
But any advice about how to deal with this before I vomit?

[xTinkerhellx]

They're both minors and only a 2 year age difference. I wouldn't worry too much.

[CoffeeRunner]

He’s 14. She told him she was 15. They never met so how can he have known otherwise?

Your DS is not a paedophile and nobody else will think he is either.

[NameChangeCentral]

It's the drama that that age group create though- I'm so worried he'll get thumped by someone or that other dramatic teens do believe them

[NameChangeCentral]

I'll also add, hes my eldest so this kind of level of stuff is way beyond me 😳

[NameChangeCentral]

Hes now taking to someone else. Apparently people are now posting things about him.

[DecemberSnow]

His 14....

Even if she is 12... Its 2 years.... Nothing at all at that age...

They didnt meet? Why are you going to vomit?

[ElderAve]

Paedo is unfortunately used in the same way friends would have ribbed each other about "cradle snatching" when I was young. It doesn't mean any of the young people really think he's committed a crime or caused any harm to the girl.

[Bluntness100]

They've never even met, I'd really try to calm yourself down. He did the sensible thing and backed out.

Yes kids can be dramatic, but to be honest, you're being more dramatic with the whole need to vomit thing.

[NameChangeCentral]

The vomit thing was a bit tongue in cheek. Just my heart is thumping

[NameChangeCentral]

Thanks for the logic. I have calmed down. I came on here to stop the drama, so you don't need to tell me stop it, I know I have to.

[OhLook]

Who was he talking to on the phone if not one of his 'pals'? It's a very oddly worded conversation.

[Bluntness100]

Is the heat thumping tongue in cheek too?

Seriously op, I mean this gently, but grow up, just speak to him and give him some tools to deal with this.

If it's just his mates, get him to calm down and laugh it off.

[Itwasntme1]

Kids and their drama😂. A 14 year old dating a 12 year old is not a peado😂. They use this language but don’t really understand what it means.

Have a chat to your son once you have put this in perspective. Check up he isn’t stressed about anything. It’s a word kids kick around unfortunately.

[PeridotTopaz]

My DS is 14 and his peer group use this "paedo" idea as an excuse to take the mickey out of each other.

For example, one boy had a girlfriend in the same academic year as him, but with a later birthday. So for a few months he was 14 and she was 13. Cue lots of teasing about "watch out for X, he likes little girls!". Good natured though.

[FluffyAragog]

I can see why it threw you OP. Kids can be cruel, add social media to the mix and it can become unbearable for them. Had a situation with my little brother a couple of years ago, something blew up out of proportion and his so called "friends" were posting snapchats about him, Instagram posts etc all in the name of "banter" but then it poured over in to school and it just became a big "thing" that ended with my brother seeing a counsellor. Not because it actually was a big deal, not because he had actually done anything wrong, but because a lot of teenagers can't see past what's happening to them right at that moment in time and no matter how many adults reassured him that it was fine, he wouldn't get in trouble, just ignore it and it would pass, to him it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. I'd talk to your DS and tell him you couldn't help but overhear and that he doesn't have to talk about it but just know that you're there if he wants to or it all gets too much.

[BettySwoll0cks]

It's the drama that that age group create though- I'm so worried he'll get thumped by someone or that other dramatic teens do believe them

I think I understand OP - you're worried that he will be ostracised or victimised by his peer group which would be upsetting. Well the good news is that he hasn't actually done anything wrong, so beyond a few stupid jibes it's likely to simmer down fairly soon. In the meantime just keep checking in with him. See if there's anything he'd like to talk about. Esp if he's seeming anxious or distracted. Good luck.

[steppemum]

lessons learnt for him, time to sit down and explain more explicitly about how some girls behave (lying about age etc)

[SunshineCake]

While I don't think he has done anything wrong I think it isn't nothing when a girl is 12 and a boy is 14 and I would be very concerned why she's trying to say she is 15. 12 is very different.

[SunshineCake]

Using peado is never good natured and should be stopped.

[Tippexy]

But surely at 14 you have his social media passwords and so you have been checking his inboxes for this sort of thing? So none of this should really be a surprise?

[AlpineSnow]

That's horrible. Your son didn't do anything wrong and it sounds like a trick by the girls. I can see why you are concerned, especially as your son is vulnerable. I think he should come off social media so they get no reaction and they can't upset him. I bet if they get no reaction they'll look for their nasty entertainment elsewhere

[AnneOfTeenFables]

So rather than talk to him, you're updating regularly on MN.

[MummySharn]

Have you told him you heard?

[FluffyAragog]

@AnneOfTeenFables OP's posts are all within a ten minute period. Hardly updating regularly. Her last post was nearly an hour ago. Perhaps she's speaking to him now.

[PawPawNoodle]

OP it'd be a good idea to talk to him and find out what people are posting about him online, and also to double-check that neither sent anything explicit.