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Homophobia alert. A middle aged woman said this to me today about her adult grandson. It’s not ok, is it ?

(239 Posts)
Shortfeet Tue 18-Feb-20 19:17:36

‘I’m so happy for my grandson .
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “ .

I was speechless l and somewhat upset when I stopped to consider what she had just said.

Discuss

Medievalist Tue 18-Feb-20 19:19:51

Well it was a vile comment. What's to discuss?

WorraLiberty Tue 18-Feb-20 19:19:58

Did you 'discuss' it with her?

What did she say when you pointed out what she said was homophobic?

iwantavuvezela Tue 18-Feb-20 19:20:45

Sorry OP but I hate the “discuss” bit - why don’t you start - or say what you are thinking

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 18-Feb-20 19:21:41

I doubt she was middle aged if she had an adult grandson

ComtesseDeSpair Tue 18-Feb-20 19:21:57

Out of context I could probably try and give her the benefit of the doubt. Being gay is still more difficult than being straight despite the enormous bounds we’ve made in recent years, and she could mean that she wouldn’t want those difficulties for her grandson. Or, yes, she could just be plain homophobic.

PotteringAlong Tue 18-Feb-20 19:23:08

Objectively, life could be perceived as harder for people who are gay.

Harder to have children
Harder to deal with other people’s views
Having to acknowledge your sexuality to friends and family in a way you don’t have to if you’re not gay.

So, in that context, wanting your grandchild to have a life that is easier to deal with and move your way through is not an unreasonable thing to be thankful for. She’s probably got nothing against people with disabilities, but doesn’t stop her from being grateful that her children don’t have one.

It depends on how you reckon she meant it.

Lllot5 Tue 18-Feb-20 19:23:31

She just randomly added it in the conversation?
Did you say anything?

MissClareRemembers Tue 18-Feb-20 19:23:40

Sometimes you come across these people who seem to let the past 50 years just pass them by. It’s jaw dropping at times and there’s no helping some folk.

I know a woman who said “I’ve got nothing against homosexuals but why can’t they just keep it to themselves?”

There was no telling her.

🤦🏻‍♀️

mbosnz Tue 18-Feb-20 19:24:51

I doubt she was middle aged if she had an adult grandson

I know of a 55 year old with a 16 year old grandchild. . . so it's not out of the realms of possibility!

SilkCottonTree Tue 18-Feb-20 19:25:05

Without knowing the person on the motivation behind the comment, yes on the surface it does sound homophobic, but if she had had a male relative who she saw suffer homophobia and discrimination then if she was coming from the viewpoint of 'thank goodness my grandson won't go through that', then her comment might be coming from somewhere other than homophobia. Only you know the context OP so what is it you want people to discuss?

turnandfacethenamechange Tue 18-Feb-20 19:25:12

I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own

Ergghhh.

Reminds me of my late DMs clanger "and the man in the shop...he was a black chap...but you know he was nice"

Shortfeet Tue 18-Feb-20 19:25:36

It’s obvious what I am thinking. That I was left speechless by a homophobic remark and that it was not ok.

I’ve been turning it over in my mind all day.
That woman is expressing her own true feelings which really shocked me. But that is how she feels. Does she have the right to feel that way?

How do you change those attitudes/ feelings ?

TwitcherOfCurtains Tue 18-Feb-20 19:25:36

"Discuss" at the end of a post is incredibly rude.

Fishcakey Tue 18-Feb-20 19:26:46

She's allowed to feel like that. It's not very nice and it's not 'politically correct' but it's her opinion.

Shortfeet Tue 18-Feb-20 19:28:11

Son is 21 and the woman is 65 .

I disagree it’s incredibly rude to put discuss at the end of a post

PotteringAlong Tue 18-Feb-20 19:28:49

But that is how she feels. Does she have the right to feel that way?

Yes. You are allowed to feel however you want.

Eckhart Tue 18-Feb-20 19:29:30

She has as much right to her feelings as you have to hers. How would you feel if she tried to change your attitudes and feelings? If you don't like her, avoid her. Why do you think it's your job to fix her?

Eckhart Tue 18-Feb-20 19:30:07

*as you have to yours

Shortfeet Tue 18-Feb-20 19:31:03

@Fishcakey that’s what I’m getting at.

I’m still shocked . Mostly that she said it out loud . You would think people with those views would at least have the grace to keep quiet about it nowadays.

I can’t remember the last time I heard anyone say anything remotely like that.

AFistfulofDolores1 Tue 18-Feb-20 19:31:20

A good friend of mine stated to me that they wished they weren't gay because it was that much harder. Is that homophobic?

turnandfacethenamechange Tue 18-Feb-20 19:31:49

She has as much right to her feelings as you have to hers. How would you feel if she tried to change your attitudes and feelings?
You could get away with an awful lot of discrimination with that attitude confused

isadoradancing123 Tue 18-Feb-20 19:32:15

How can. You say “is she entitled to feel that way”, she is entitled to feel how she feels, end of, what do you want next, the thought police.?

CinderellasSecrets Tue 18-Feb-20 19:33:25

What a weird thing to throw into a discussion, was there previous conversation about sexuality? Not that it matters, it was a disgusting comment just seems very odd. I can't imagine having a conversation about someone saying "oh yes so-and-so has done so well for himself, he has a lovely job, a lovely home and he's straight" it's just not something worth mentioning.

IsAnybodyListening Tue 18-Feb-20 19:34:45

Did you actually put 'Discuss'?! Oh, no OP. Just don't.

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