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Passive-aggressive schoolgate mum....rumours of me having voted Brexit

(35 Posts)
NotVeryChattySchoolMum Fri 14-Feb-20 20:02:19

Been doing primary school runs for the past 7 years - all pretty good so far. Even when our kids had squabbles, we all had good humour.

Then one of my DS best friend's mum turned sour and stopped all social invites, incl playdates (outside birthday parties) even though the boys were still close friends. About 3 yeas ago.

I felt she was being...awkward. Not neutral/just lost interest. I was resigned and put it down to 'one of those things hearing people' do as they tire of communication barriers with deaf people (me), deaf are used to constant social isolation. All written communication involving children were very civil.

However she was being unpleasant last time our families bumped into each other last time and I decided to text her, what's going on. She fobbed off with 'nothing, I was just tired, please don't take it personally'. I pressed further, 'No, come on, you have been acting so weird way longer than that!'

She said it's to do with me voting Brexit. Apparently my DS told her DS. She said sorry, it is my right to vote whoever I want, and she was trying to be civil but given the profound impact on her life as EU citizen, she can't look at me and not think of me voting Brexit, sorry to have made more spectacle of it than she should have.

Except...I voted Remain. My DS for some reason speculated I did vote Brexit and told his friend (both about 7-8 yrs old at the time). I was blissfully unaware.

So I texted back to that mum: 'Wow, if that's being honest, then I appreciate honesty. I don't generally tell kids who I vote because it's for them to think for themselves who's the best to vote, not copy what their parents or mates vote for. PS. I voted Remain'

She replied. 'Sorry if I got my wires crossed'.

Note - she couldn't resist adding 'if'.

Stone-walled further attempts at open-dialogue and everything I said was picked at worst possible interpretation and deflected badly on me, like I know nothing about Brexit.

Basically she made me feel like I wasn't worth engaging with.

Then I heard from my DS (now 10) that he thought I voted Tories last GE and told his friend. He probably told his mum. Also, not true.

So I am pretty screwed, lol.

No apologies from the mum. She doesn't seem to care.

I wish to ignore this and it seems so ridiculous that she acted on childrens' speculation. Educated 40+ something middle class woman with 4 languages did this. She can't have had that much respect for me to start with.

So it happened. Please tell me how not to be sensitive and feel shit, sigh.

Charlottejbt Fri 14-Feb-20 20:07:56

It's not your fault and you cleared up the misunderstanding. This woman's behaviour is her responsibility, but that obviously doesn't stop it being hurtful to you.

I also shun Brexiters, but only self-proclaimed ones.

BritneyPeedOnALadybug Fri 14-Feb-20 20:10:02

So I texted back to that mum: 'Wow, if that's being honest, then I appreciate honesty. I don't generally tell kids who I vote because it's for them to think for themselves who's the best to vote, not copy what their parents or mates vote for

8 year old kids aren’t eligible to vote.

She sounds like an idiot.

Why are you giving this any further thought? I would be glad to be rid of her! Very much a shame for your son though, but would you trust someone that has cut you off as instantly as this over an issue looking after your child and trust them?

iklboo Fri 14-Feb-20 20:14:28

Buy her this

NotVeryChattySchoolMum Fri 14-Feb-20 20:17:57

@BritneyPeedOnALadybug - Why are you giving this any further thought?

Because I'll have to pretend not to see her every morning for another few more years of school run?


OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 14-Feb-20 20:25:41

What a wanker of a woman. Whoever you voted for it’s none of her business. You took the good moral high ground OP I might have been tempted to text back something along the lines of “oh phew I thought the attitude might be down to mine and my husband’s side job in soft porn.
Glad it’s just political bigotry.”

NotVeryChattySchoolMum Fri 14-Feb-20 20:28:26

@OnlyFoolsnMothers - wish I thought of that before! smile

BritneyPeedOnALadybug Fri 14-Feb-20 20:32:54

OP, true. I was offering personal and what I thought was practical advice but I’m childless and don’t do school runs so don’t know what is involved.

To me, “the school run” means dropping and picking up children and maybe having to stand in a playground for some minutes. But I guess given the amount of threads it’s more than that, and probably somewhat sort of political.

I would not be talkative or polite or engaging to anyone that had been that rude to me. But that’s just me.

DontCallMeDarling Fri 14-Feb-20 20:38:24

Regardless of what you think of Brexit, it has left us divided and I definitely think there is a sense of anger lingering in the air. Our current Government doesn't seem to want to mend bridges, great for Brexit supporters but certainly not great for unity and cohesion.

Your ex-friend should not have let this ruin your friendship, especially when she got it wrong. I do understand I had trouble with some of the rhetoric of a few family members but I had to remember that despite it we had more in common and there is love there too. They are still idiots though, grin but I never tell them that!!!!

FridgeOffal Fri 14-Feb-20 20:49:26

One thing I hate Brexit for, is how it has divided people.

I won't say Brexit hasn't come between me and people- it has. She sounds a proper fucking twonk though.

Maybe have a word with your kid about the inadvisability of guessing other people's politics and the wisdom of keeping a bit quiet about it.

EnidButton Fri 14-Feb-20 20:53:28

Start wearing all blue and yellow and flying the EU flag from your car.

slipperywhensparticus Fri 14-Feb-20 20:54:37

Your deaf? Turn your back on her (my friend used to remove her hearing aids or pointedly turn them off she claimed she had an advantage of hearing people because she could choose not to listen to idiots)

And tell your son who and what you vote for is confidential he shouldn't speculate

EnidButton Fri 14-Feb-20 20:58:01

On the positive side, 10 years 'discussing' politics bodes well for the future. Good that they're taking an interest so young. Maybe have a chat with him about voting and how people decide etc.

EnidButton Fri 14-Feb-20 20:58:35

*10 year olds smile

katy1213 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:01:09

I don't think I'd want to be friendly with someone who is so bigoted.

SilverOtter Fri 14-Feb-20 21:08:15

Regardless of what she thinks, you are entitled to vote how you please. That's how democracy works.
To ditch a friend/acquaintance over something they believe in (and in this case, actually DON'T believe in) is shockingly bigoted and ignorant.
I know it makes things awkward, but I agree with previous posters - you are well shot of her!

mumwon Fri 14-Feb-20 21:09:16

a lot of people I know & like may well /did vote Brexit - I think their action misguided ill informed etc but that is one decision & we can do nothing about it - I challenge people racist views mostly when face to face in a round about way on line anonymously no holds barred, but, we all have to live together

Lindy2 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:12:25

Why on earth would you want to be friendly with someone who doesn't respect democracy?

BoxyLoxy Fri 14-Feb-20 21:13:55

She sounds unhinged and a totalitarian idiot with no idea how democracy works. Stonewall her right back and spread a rumour that she is an anti vaccer or something.

AmazingGreats Fri 14-Feb-20 21:16:39


From the picture the OP painted I wouldn't be surprised if she actually IS anti vax.

If it was me I'd get a I love Farage t-shirt and wear it on the school run every day along with a Union Jack hat or something. But then I'm a piss taker with no friends who spends the school run with headphones in trying to disappear. So what do I know? grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 14-Feb-20 21:19:21

”And tell your son who and what you vote for is confidential he shouldn't speculate“

I agree with @slipperywhensparticus - and I’d add that, even if he knows how you have voted, he doesn’t have the right to share that information without your permission. You could explain to him that the whole point of a secret ballot is that it is secret, mainly to avoid people influencing/dictating how someone votes, but that it also to prevent this sort of friction.

Fourtights Fri 14-Feb-20 21:23:54

Sorry this has happened to you.

I think all you can do is keep your head held high. You can't make close minded people open their minds.

I suspect she's probably embarrassed about how she has acted but instead of facing up to the fact she has behaved foolishly, she is just doubling down.

She isn't worth the space in your head or heart.

SkinRash Fri 14-Feb-20 22:14:21

She sounds like a petulant asshole. How dare she judge you on how a kid says you voted!?

It's hardly the type of thing kids mention it sounds to me like she's been grilling your child!

Never mind she may be packing her selfish judgmental ass back to wherever she came from soon grin. You don't need people like her in your life. I'd ignore her as if she's completely invisible at the school gates.

Aldilogue Fri 14-Feb-20 22:37:46

Wow. Does she not understand the ridiculousness of her attitude? Do kids really talk about these things. It must be so confusing for them to hear what’s happening but not really understand it, so they make comments about it because they think they should have an opinion on something they have no idea about. And what is she doing assuming what she heard is true??!!
I hope it’s not too stressful seeing her all the time, it would bother me having to see her everyday but just remember your opinion even if you did vote the other way is just as valid. That’s why it’s called a vote.

Mopmum35 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:47:20

Fuck all to do with her

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