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42 offered great new job but that will mean no more children.. wwyd?

(84 Posts)
dilemmallama Sat 18-Jan-20 23:58:28

I'm 42 I have been in a job I don't much like for a long time as I've not wanted to move on as we wanted another child. It didn't happen.. until last year when it did but I miscarried at 8 weeks. It's taken a while to build up to try again and we have just started trying again .. didn't happen this month but I'm still hopeful. In the meantime I've been offered a new job which sounds perfect .. I really want to take it but I can't if I'm still ttc. But if I stop that's it... no more kids. Tbh .. even if we keep trying it may well not happen anyway or go wrong again if it does because of my age.I just can't take a new job and get pregnant though.. so I will have to stop and forget about more kids if I take it

Such a dilemma!

Whoops75 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:01:12

That’s a tough one!
How many children do you have?

ActualHornist Sun 19-Jan-20 00:01:46

How many children have you got?

Although personally I wouldn’t want to have a child at 42 or older so I would take the job.

chester18 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:02:53

What puts you off taking the job and still trying? Is it maternity pay etc?

busybee987 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:03:04

i hope this isnt a daft question but why can u not have both? take the job and see what happens?? if u get pregnant then great go with it or do u mean your new job and pregnancy dont mix? if its the first then u can have both, if thats what u want

TW2013 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:04:28

Well you can start a new job and get pregnant, you might not have as much paid leave, but could your oh take some leave. You could get pregnant for a few more years yet, do you want to stay in a job you don't like for that long just in case? If you take the job and you get pregnant you and the employer will just need to manage it. If you take the job and don't get pregnant then it is better to have moved.

MaraScottie Sun 19-Jan-20 00:04:29

You can take a new job and get pregnant.

Nobody knows what's around the corner, so take the job and if you get pregnant then cross that bridge. You won't be the first nor the last woman to take maternity leave!

All the best

Krazynights34 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:06:29

Take the job!! I was in this almost exact situation (at 41) and ended up pregnant (now have my only DC). My DC is disabled (physically) so I had to resign. I missed my new job and kept in touch with friends from work and the the role no longer exists. I wouldn’t change what I did. Either way I’d have been happy.
Personally I waited years in jobs I wasn’t happy in for money and waiting to get pregnant. Wasn’t til I left that I got pregnant

dilemmallama Sun 19-Jan-20 00:07:18

I've one child age 7.5.

I just don't think I could take a job and the announce I was pregnant within the first 6 months .. I would feel awful. I'm not worried about maternity pay and leave although I would receive more money and be more protected if I stay where I am. The problem is if I turn the job down now I don't think it will come along again and then if I don't have another child either anyway I'll be gutted for wasting the opportunity

SleepingStandingUp Sun 19-Jan-20 00:08:50

Another vote for take the job and continue ttc. Unless your job is dealing with high levels or radiation or something else that would harm a fetus, you absolutely can do both

Letthemysterybe Sun 19-Jan-20 00:11:55

Take the job no matter what. And if you want to carry on ttc then please don’t feel guilty. Women get pregnant,they go on maternity leave and then they return to
Work. No big deal.

TW2013 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:15:30

To be honest with a 7.5 plus age gap, unless a new partner I would probably assume that a pregnancy was an accident so if you do get pregnant you can say that it was unexpected as in some ways it is. Leaving a stressful unhappy job may be what you need to get pregnant. I would go for it. You still have 25yrs of working life to go, might as well do something you enjoy whether you have another child or not.

Marmighty Sun 19-Jan-20 00:20:01

Take the job! You don't know what life will bring. You might get pregnant in 9 months and then you'd have been there 18 months by the time you go off, perfectly reasonable.

xnjx Sun 19-Jan-20 01:26:45

I also think you should take the job and continue ttc. You never know what will happen and you don't want to regret not taking it. Plus as you're not worried about maternity pay or leave you have nothing to lose but something to gain. smile

managedmis Sun 19-Jan-20 01:28:44

Take the job, continue ttc.

MelAndShoe Sun 19-Jan-20 02:05:47

Do both. Live life.

Sparkle2020 Sun 19-Jan-20 02:45:45

Do both. It’s your life. You get one so do what makes you happy, not your employers.

Bluerussian Sun 19-Jan-20 02:52:57

Take the job and enjoy the seven and a half year old you already have.

OffTheShelfElf Sun 19-Jan-20 03:27:39

Take the job and TTC. You'll have plenty of years to carry on working for them after your maternity leave.

Nicelunch25 Sun 19-Jan-20 03:32:23

I started a job pregnant, then when I went back after maternity leave I was pregnant again and it hasn't ruined my career. People are generally nicer to you when you are pregnant anyway.

Keepmewarm Sun 19-Jan-20 03:35:39

Another vote for do both. You could still be ttc in a year (hopefully not!) and you’ll regret not taking the job.

Good luck

Oceanbliss Sun 19-Jan-20 03:55:53

There's no reason you should feel bad for falling pregnant after starting a new job. Why would you? Are you concerned that your new employers would be angry or annoyed or feel inconvenienced if you became pregnant? The way around that is communication. Tell them that you would love to accept the job, you think it is a wonderful opportunity and then let them know that you are ttc.

So, you can rest easy knowing that you have had a conversation that will inform you on how they will respond. You can discuss whether you would take maternity leave and continue back at work or whether you would be planning on leaving to be a stay at home mum. They might be more than happy to still employ you knowing that you might leave after a short time. They might think you will be an asset to their company even if for a short time. They might be happy to accommodate you for maternity leave, because again they might think you would be an asset to their company and giving you time off is worth it. You really can't know unless you have a conversation.

Make your decision based on information, not assumption.

Good luck flowers

Oceanbliss Sun 19-Jan-20 04:02:26

Oh, and if they react badly then would they be the type of employers you'd want to work for anyway?

BillHadersNewWife Sun 19-Jan-20 04:16:32

Of course you can take a job and then get pregnant! Happens all the time. If men could get pregnant, they'd be popping babies out right left and centre AND expecting full maternity packages no matter HOW long they'd been employed!

Penny31 Sun 19-Jan-20 07:42:39

How would you feel if you didn’t take the job and continued ttc but it it didn’t work out? Would you regret not taking the job?

I’d take the job and keep ttc. It could take 6 months, it could take a year... I know plenty of people who got and job then got pregnant. They went back to the job with no problems at all.

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