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Tik Tok concerns

(30 Posts)
bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 13:41:19

My DD age 10 has very very restricted access to Tik Tok which I have only allowed as most of the girls she's friendly with in her class have it. I have full access and check everything she posts. She only has 10 followers / friends on there.
Some of the girls however (and boys for that matter) have un secured accounts and 300/400 followers: not her immediate friends but children she knows and can see the accounts off. Parents must not be checking as surely this makes them very vulnerable?
There's a lot of really bad language and references to guns / sex / violence / b*tches etc. Some of the kids are only 8 or 9 and the oldest I've been looking at are in Year 6. Anyone else encountered similar? I'm torn about speaking to school about it.

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bsc Fri 27-Dec-19 14:11:55

How is it school's issue? You have consented to her signing up, and the other children's parents have consented to them signing up. Where does school come into this?
I am sure school would advise against any primary aged children having access to tiktok.

MyOtherProfile Fri 27-Dec-19 14:14:15

School will be very aware. Unfortunately they can't police families. Carry on keeping an eye on your child but sadly you have to leave other children to whatever rules (or lack of rules) their families have.

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:16:51

I know it's not a school issue per se but I think some schools do a lot on internet safety and not making friendships with people you don't actually know? Ours is very very limited and restricted but concerned that children may be putting themselves at risk, that's all.

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rockingaroundthemulberrybush Fri 27-Dec-19 14:17:23

Why have you posted this twice?

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:19:18

I wasn't sure where to post and cant now delete it, that's all

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Ynci Fri 27-Dec-19 14:21:52

Sorry but the school can do nothing. Whenever online issues crop up with my year 5/6 class, I reiterate the guidelines (including age limits and why they are there) but at the end of the day if the parents sign them up, there is nothing I can do.
Following a couple of incidents that spilled over into school, I have also quietly suggested to some parents that they might like to get rid of the the app. but almost all of them say it’s not the app but other parents fault that they don’t manage their children properly. I would say the same to you. If you think your child is coming across unsuitable material, get rid of the app. But you won’t!

AustrianSnow Fri 27-Dec-19 14:22:53

This is a good article which might interest you. It’s not just about who can see them but who they can see.

lanbro Fri 27-Dec-19 14:24:44

A load of my 7 year olds friends are on it, personally I think that's madness and my dds know they aren't allowed on it. You can't control how other people parent though, just be safe in the knowledge you're keeping your own child safe

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:26:23

Thankyou for your insight. It's a hard one to call and one that I am sure many parents are trying to wrestle with at the moment. I just wanted others views. I was on a tube in London recently and there were loads of primary aged girls doing tik toks. Same on a train recently so I'm sure it's not just local to us.. seems a lot of kids have it.

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bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:34:40

This was an interesting read too... similar issues.
Anyway, I'll just keep my mouth shut and prevent my DD from hanging out on the app. She doesn't have her own phone yet anyway, so I can see everything etc

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ballsdeep Fri 27-Dec-19 14:36:50

It's a parenting issue ffs. If you're stupid enough to let your child have tic tok at a primary school age then you're asking for trouble. You do know it's been called a paedophile playground don't you?
There are numerous threads on here about security slipping so even if you think your child's account is locked down, it's actually not.

TriSkiRun99 Fri 27-Dec-19 14:38:13

I said no to tik tok my DD is 12. You are the parent, I agree with Ynci that all parents blame the others rather than make informed decisions.
There is huge peer pressure to have all sorts of apps, we discuss the positives and negatives of them using the NSPCA guide with myDD. Most of these apps have a min age of 13, which my DD is in a few months, and she also a lot more emotional mature to cope with the negatives now as well as the positives of social media, than she ever was at 10yrs when she started asking for different apps. They also had a fab year 5 school teacher who took it off her own back to educate her class after she could see that several social media apps where causing issues. There’s a great video about it aimed at age 9+ explaining the impact of oversharing on these platforms which she used with the class but I can’t remember the name of it.

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:43:46

Thx Tri, I'm not blaming other parents but do think there's a lot of parents who don't realise and thus kids are putting themselves at risk. It's very easy to say 'don't give them the app' but what about when they are being laughed at / left out for not having it? Or download it without parents knowing. That's where schools can help.
Anyway, I'll take the advice to just protect my own child and not be concerned about others.

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Mrsjayy Fri 27-Dec-19 14:43:54

School s have been banging on about internet safety since the days of Msn and Bebo. Yet some parents still let their kids free reign on the internet adding every body and their cousins. I'm now so out of the loop I don't know what tik tok is but it seems parents are still thinking not my kid they will be safe at 10 years old !

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 14:49:14

Yes it seems so. I was actually surprised how many primary age children of teachers have Tik Tok too.. some with restrictions and some not.

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pearpickingporky84 Fri 27-Dec-19 14:54:43

After numerous issues with kids in DS’s class talking about the inappropriate things they had seen on YouTube school eventually organised internet safety talks by the police by for both pupils and parents. I went to the parent meeting, there was virtually no one there and the parents who did attend were the ones already well aware of internet safety!

GaaaaarlicBread Fri 27-Dec-19 14:55:52

What’s tik tok ??

Notenoughbookshelves Fri 27-Dec-19 14:58:45

Parents like you op are causing the issue. You are teaching your dd that it is ok to break rules online. Under 13s are not supposed to be on it. Plenty of primary aged kids aren’t on it where I work.

TriSkiRun99 Fri 27-Dec-19 15:00:40

It’s a parenting conversation like any other I think. Yes I’m not naive my daughter can access other apps via her friends, but we have had several conversations about things she’s seen that have upset her and then how to process that. They can’t “un-see”things once seen, or “unshare” things once they are set loose in cyberspace it’s helping them understand the consequences and yes I have been “That Parent” by saying No on a few occasions but equally chatted to other parents who wished they’d said No or have also said “not yet”. Kids grow up SO fast it’s good to put the brakes on sometimes and that’s what good parents do I think to help them process the world around them at an age appropriate level for your child.

Some WhatsAp chain mail messages my DD has had, have been utterly vile which kids where sending on as they feared the “consequences”... this prompted a few late night chats and tears as we talked about those!

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 15:04:41

Pear - that been my experience in the past too, but my DC were younger when I went along to two events at our school. Most parents there were either pretty clued up and looking for more help or had encountered cyber bullying via things like Yr6 snap chat accounts: which now seems to be less used. Very few attended. At the time my DC were too young to be expose to it really. Now we are in a world where friends have seen Yr6 boys watching porn whilst walking to school... maybe there is little schools can do to influence it in reality from what people are saying.

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Notenoughbookshelves Fri 27-Dec-19 15:05:29

But parents like you are ignoring the advice.confused

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-19 15:09:48

There's a lot of really bad language and references to guns / sex / violence / b*tches etc.

And yet you think bowing to peer pressure on your 10 year old child's behalf by letting her on there, is a good idea? confused

It's very easy to say 'don't give them the app' but what about when they are being laughed at / left out for not having it?

What about when she's being laughed at / left out because her parents have 'heavily restricted' her access to it?

Kids will always find something to laugh at other kids for. The best thing you can do for such a young child is help her to learn that.

bombaychef Fri 27-Dec-19 15:12:08

Yes I am a failed parent. I get that. Noted. My DD doesn't have a phone nor unrestricted access to anything but when the norm around her is some thing different, I was just interested in others experiences / thoughts. Smart Phones in Yr6 are normal here (city), if not in Yr5. Most kids seem to have own iPads also.

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WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-19 15:14:56

They're normal here too but generally given by parents who want their kids to have them, rather than teaching them to give in to peer pressure.

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