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Would you stay off work for a sick 13-14yo?

(48 Posts)
clary Tue 03-Dec-19 10:32:05

Just wondering really. Colleague called in yesterday to say they would be working to home due to child being ill - nothing dangerous, just off school with headache and feeling grotty.

Colleague worked from home but access can be a bit glitchy so this is not ideal, also had to cancel attendance at meetings and no one could ask them things in person. Colleague is v hard working, no issue there. I was just surprised as I would have left child comfortable on sofa with snacks and drinks and phoned to check, but certainly gone into work.

Mind you I used to be a teacher, which you obv can't do from home, also the hassle of setting work makes you much less likely to be in, also I would have felt guilty. Of course I am not thinking of serious illness needing hospital, or issues involving A&E, or a much younger child, but a 13-14yo? Really? Was I a harsh mum to trust them to be ok without me there? Would you stay off or go in?

clary Tue 03-Dec-19 10:33:02

Hassle of setting work (as a teacher) makes you much less likely to be OFF that should say!

Mrsjayy Tue 03-Dec-19 10:36:32

Everybody is going to be different maybe the kid was feeling grotty andthe parent felt they needed them, the parent is able to work from home which is great but you are moving the goal posts insinuating that isn't good enough and the kid should have been left .

Longfacenow Tue 03-Dec-19 10:37:30

I think it depends on the child, and what exactly was going on at home generally and other contextual factors might play a part in my decision, beyond just the nature of the illness.

I certainly wouldn't think it was odd.

namechangenumber2 Tue 03-Dec-19 10:42:45

I think it would depend on what was wrong with DS, if he had a cold/ headache I'd make sure they've got plenty of drinks and snacks and leave them home alone. However, if it's a bug ( D&V) id stay hold in case they make a mess and need help.

My eldest DS is very independent though so wouldn't want me to stay at home whatever is wrong with him!

Snaga Tue 03-Dec-19 10:45:21

My eldest is approaching her 13th birthday. I can't see me leaving her at home ill alone for the foreseeable...not while I have access to home working facilities at least.

I'd probably be more surprised if someone did leave their child home alone when they weren't feeling well enough for school with home working an option.

Maryfloppins Tue 03-Dec-19 10:47:31

I have left mine at home unless they have asked me to be at home with them. I think if they want you to stay with them that means they really are feeling rotten and as a parent it is my duty to care for them when needed.

WoollyFoolly Tue 03-Dec-19 10:49:29

My 13 yr old is home ill alone at the moment. I'm only out for half a day though, might be different if she would be alone for a long working day.

bloodywhitecat Tue 03-Dec-19 10:52:13

I have in the past. My daughter has brittle asthma and can go from OK to blue and non-responsive in the blink of an eye so yes, there were times when I stayed home with her when she was unwell with what, for others, is a minor illness.

Sistercharlie Tue 03-Dec-19 10:55:16

Depends on illness and individual child. All DC differ in terms of independence and resilience and levels of anxiety and self sufficiency. Some have been ill a lot and know how to cope alone. Others not so much. Teens can be magnificently independent and mature in one area and less confident in another. I would trust the parent to know their individual child's needs best.

Lipperfromchipper Tue 03-Dec-19 10:57:39

Well it absolutely depends on what the sickness is to be honest.

reluctantbrit Tue 03-Dec-19 10:57:56

It depends on the child. DD would be ok if it “just a cold” and food, drink, WiFi and TV are available.

A colleague’s teen had the tendency to faint when ill, no way her mum left her alone, too dangerous even if it was a cold.

But, we have decent wfh set ups, Skype and phone Re-routing means you are available for questions and we have the same access to everything apart from paper files which are now being made redundant with electronic filing anyway.

You may also not know all circumstances about a child, the age alone is sometimes not the answer to everything.

iwishiwasonhol Tue 03-Dec-19 11:00:58

yes i would stay off,i only work one day during the week,and last time my 15 yr old was off with a flu type bug, but was also having heavy nose bleeds and was not happy to be left on her own,as she was worried about them

nibdedibble Tue 03-Dec-19 11:03:01

TBVH yes I would if I could, otherwise my sick 13-14 yr old would spend the day on playstation. When there are sick days I see my role as jailer first and carer second blush

adaline Tue 03-Dec-19 11:04:49

If I had the option to work from home, I would take it, but if the option wasn't there, I wouldn't be taking a day unpaid to look after them, iyswim.

13/14 is a bit of a weird in-between age. Yes, they can cope alone but at that age it's so much nicer to have someone around to look after you! If, as a parent, you can stay home and get paid, why not take that option?

fedup2017 Tue 03-Dec-19 11:06:18

I think it's borderline.
I recently left my 12 nearly 13 year old at home whilst I went to work ( I took the PlayStation controllers with me). Luckily I only work 5 mins drive away.... But j felt dreadful when he rang me upset because he had vomited.
My 15 year old would be fine to leave.

Enb76 Tue 03-Dec-19 11:09:00

When there are sick days I see my role as jailer first and carer second

I second that, depending on illness - time off school should be very dull indeed. No catching up on favourite youtubers or watching mindless tv. It's spent in bed, possibly with an audiobook if I'm feeling generous.

My child is very rarely ill.

Fucck Tue 03-Dec-19 11:09:11

I'd leave mine, I've got two high schoolers at 12 & 13.

From the second they started HS I've been leaving them for increasingly longer periods of time. Started off leaving them to do the shopping, then hours long trips into town etc.
I just warn them not to answer the door, no cooking - cold food only and no friends in the house while I'm gone. They're sensible and I've had no issues.

nibdedibble Tue 03-Dec-19 11:12:05

Enb76 :fist bump:

Dull as ditchwater. We have about one day off a year on average.

mrsm43s Tue 03-Dec-19 11:13:48

Yes, I'd WfH in that situation, especially for the first day of sickness, as I'd generally want to keep an eye on how things progressed.

That said, I WfH regularly anyway, and am well set up to do so, and its no big deal.

Wallywobbles Tue 03-Dec-19 11:28:00

Wouldn't occur to me to miss work after the age of 10.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer Tue 03-Dec-19 11:36:00

Depends on the child, the sickness, any SENs, etc, etc. Ds1 would have been absolutely fine; he’s an independent personality, and just likes to be left alone when he’s unwell. Ds2 I’m not so sure about. I can also understand OP’s colleague taking the WFH option, seeing as that’s permitted.

BlastEndedSkrewt Tue 03-Dec-19 11:36:22

yes, would probably stay home if they are ill enough to be off from school. especially if it's a sickness issue

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber Tue 03-Dec-19 11:37:32

Why didn’t they dial into meetings? Why didn’t people just call them if they needed to speak to them?

changeforprivacy Tue 03-Dec-19 11:40:36

This has come up before. You don't know the ins and outs of the DC health problems, both mental and physical. You don't know their ability and their needs.

As for people who don't even let their webs watch TV or whatever when they are off sick? What is that all about? When I'm not well I love nothing more than cosying up in bed or on the sofa with a movie or something. What's the deal with not letting a teenager watch TV, is it some sort of race to be the most horrible parent or something confused

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