Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.(217 Posts)
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I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.
I have had enough.
Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.
My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.
My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.
I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.
My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.
This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.
We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.
My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.
I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.
I cannot do this anymore.
Then theres my parents who say they may have no money after 17th December because their benefits are being assessed again yet my Mum wants to buy a fucking fire for £200 and they spend £20 on a macdonalds... I seriously don't fucking understand
Haven't read the rest yet but 5yo's are not shitty and disrespectful Jesus Christ.
They are at a very challenging developmental stage and need understanding from adults around them
Well you have to do it buck up.
Your son is 5 he is acting up because he can sense your miserable. Stop taking it out on him.
Tell your husband to stop moaning.
@helpagirloutplease Right now I feel he is and perhaps if you had read the read of the thread you might see why. Thanks for your helpful input.
That does sound shit. My husband was the same until he reached the lowest ebb in his job and started looking for a new one. I think you'll just have to wait. Regarding your son, it sounds like you could do with some new ideas to get him on track. How about calling your health visitor so she can refer you?
It can and will get better.
@Lllot5 I've tried keeping it to myself and generally manage OK. His beahviour is declining and if I let it go, he gets worse, if I discipline him he gets worse. I genuinely do not know what to do for the best and feel like I have no way out of all of this shit right now.
Am so sorry OP - sounds really tough. Am sending you a hand hold and an unmumsnetty hug. Kids can be a total pain sometimes and it can really get to you. And five year olds especially so. Really hard if you have little support in real life (parents can also be a pain). Hopefully somebody along soon with something more helpful to say but didn’t want to read and run completely (before I head off to work!)
@LongLiveThePenis Thank youi for your reply. I'm sat here in floods of tears because genuinely, everything is miserable and I want to just end it all. I;m at work and can't concentrate. I cant talk to my husband because he's just beyond help right now.
I just want to go home, curl up in a ball and cry because this is not how it should be.
Ok now I've read the rest of the thread and I stand by what I said.
Unpopular opinion here probably but contact your local children's centre and ask to go on a parenting course.
Your 5yo is technically still an infant.
Not a little shit as you describe him. How do you expect him to have respect for others when the person who is his number one influence in life has this attitude towards him.
I'm genuinely sorry that your husband doesn't like his job and that your parents don't have much money.
But I'm not sorry you have a developmentally sound child.
It sounds like you need to look at your mental health and how you're dealing with things
He kicked off last night because he's overtired. Just let it go, honestly. Calm, early bedtime tonight. He needs firm, consistent boundaries, that will help with his behaviour.
The tablet thing...well I'm afraid I'm v anti-tech for small children, so I've never dealt with that. Is there something else he could play with in the morning? (But how do you have time for playing? We're always dashing to get out for school/work).
Your parents aren't your responsibility, you have enough on your plate. Do they need the fire though? (i.e. is it there only source of heating?)
Ps have you asked the school for advice. You have nothing to lose and they can often be surprisingly helpful - they will have seen kids who are being a bit difficult before (and also they will be able to tell you about all the times he is good which might cheer you up - nearly every kid is much better behaved at school than home
Be consistent with your son, if you swap between letting things go and disciplining him, he will get really confused and behave even worse. Be firm and consistent, and ask your DH to support you in this. Your parents are adults and if they are not managing their money, that is down to them - takeaways and a new fire should definitely not be a priority in their situation. If you can focus on your son's behaviour and feel it is more under control, the other things you are dealing with might feel a bit less daunting. But it does sound hard for you at the moment.
@haba this is a regular occurance with his behaviour. I brace myself daily. And feel pathetic saying I feel like he bullies me. We play regularly. I do lego with him each morning. He goes on on on on on at me to do stuff with him like I never do. I always do. As does my husband.
They have heating. My Mum has MH issues and I could "hear" he psiral she was starting with when she got her letter.
Ah OP I think I might know which poster you are.
If I’m right, I think your anxiety plays a large part in how you’re feeling about it all. Your son sounds like a fairly typical 5 year old... he needs boundaries. Kicks off about coming off his tablet? Well he doesn’t get his tablet in the mornings then does he? Natural consequence.
The playground stuff is difficult but again, not abnormal. They’re little and still learning social boundaries and conflict resolution. I think your anxiety makes you worried about how the other parents perceive you and your child, and that means the situation blows up in your head.
Your parents are adults. You can advise them, but you can’t change them. Have they always been bad with finances?
No it isn't how it should be and you've reached out which is good. Why don't you start a quick list of what you need to do, hopefully that'll put it put of your mind until lunchtime.
So you want to call HV
Help for your parents maybe, can you get them the number for help the aged to call tonight?
You could even print off some job adverts to show your husband tonight, it's up to him if he wants to act on it
You feel miserable right now because it feels insurmountable but it's not. He's only 5 and his behaviour can be managed, you and your husband will need to learn new ways to discipline him because what you've been doing hasn't worked for him. That's not a criticism, it might have worked for another child but everyone is different.
I could walk out of here right now and never come back
Not really any advice but just wanted to say this sounds really tough op . Sometimes life is so difficult and relentless and you feel worn down by it.
Sounds as if some outside support with your son might be helpful? Maybe some others on here could offer advice as to where best to find it as I am not in UK? Are there any parenting organisations/charities you could contact?
Good luck. Hang in there. And give yourself a few breaks during the day. A cup of coffee by yourself. Half an hour walk. Do something you enjoy for an hour each week so you have something just for yourself to look forward to?
Maybe a family conference where you all get to say how you feel, with some suggestions as to how things might improve? Each one holding the wooden spoon while you talk so no interruptions. Suggest to your DH and ds that you cant keep the whole shebang going alone and that you all need to work as a team? Give your son a few small responsibilities?
Good luck and maybe see gp if you feel you could benefit from counseling or medication
Get yourself into parenting classes. Having other people to talk to about it can be a bloody god send even if the lessons just tell you what you already know (but can't make yourself do).
You are not responsible for your parents. They are feckless. Their problem, not yours. Step back. Make a point of shutting down any money talk.
Same for your husband. He's dumping on you about things he could choose to do differently. You've got enough on your plate. You don't have to listen to endless whine without action.
Harsh as that ^ ^ sounds it is right.
You've reached the end of your tether. Other people are off loading on to you and you are saturated with care, anxiety and all sorts of issues.
In turn you are looking at a perfectly normal 5 year old and elevating his behaviour to that of an adult, deliberate, provocative, knowing.
That's not fair on him or you! YOU need to reach out and get some help to cope. SureStart, GP, ANYONE. You need to reassess your reaction to him before it is too late and you cannot see passed this.
As for the real adults in your life tell them to grow up and sort themselves out. You don't need to know the in and outs of your parents finances, you only know because they find off loading onto you gives them some relief and maybe some financial help. Your DH can be told to do something about his work issues and stop moaning at you, you can't keep hearing the same gripes, you are not coping, can't find him a solution etc.
Put yourself first, regain some equilibrium. Best of luck
Five year olds are tough I think. What boundaries are in place? If he's naughty what is his consequence?
Also this may sound really blunt and I don't want to upset you but if you keep kids up past bedtime there is a good chance they will get over tired and kick off. I get trying to make your kids happy and please them but ultimately you're the parent and you have to sometimes be firm to get them to behave.
Speak to a HV and see if you can get some support. Re DH is there no way he can look for another role? Being miserable at work is really hard but he should try do something about it?
Set mum up with CAB for her benefits and step away
Tell DH to shit or get off the pot. If he decides to stay where he is...tell him you don't want to hear about it (talking from personal experience!)
For yourself- get down the GP and get a week or 2 signed off. Use that time to organise your head
op, in the nicest possible way - have you ever considered you might be depressed? feeling like a 5yo is bullying you isnt brilliant.
You parents are not your problem, so forget about them for now. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost.
The happier you are the easier it will be to find the strength to discipline your 5yo, and when he starts to realise that you actually mean it, he will listen, believe me.
Your husband, all you can do is give him advice, its up to him to change his job if he is miserable.
You sound overwhelmed, maybe you could break what's getting to you down into smaller issues. Write them down in a list, every bit of it, then write what you can solve and what you can't.
Your parents spending £20 on McDonalds when they're saying they're skint? You can't fix that so put a line through it.
Your son misbehaving? Break that down into which behaviours you can't tolerate, and write what punishment will be given when he shows these behaviours. And stick to it. Make sure he knows these consequences so he can choose to behave.
The milk being off? Make sure you check the day before so you can be one step ahead of things like this.
And so on... the smaller you break down your problems the easier you'll find them to fix, but don't forget to cross out the ones you have no control over!
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