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Disappointed in DD and feel It's my fault.

(55 Posts)
Privacygif1311 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:38:57

I check my dd's (13) phone now and again. She has always promised to not to upload photos of herself on Instagram. Not only has she started to do this but they are provocative poses in tiny tops, teeny dresses. I was hoping that she would have more self respect and avoid this, in favour of building a healthy self esteem by nurturing her intelligence or sporting achievements. I work in a school and see that she is more like the shallow vain girls who often get into trouble.
We are very very close and I love her dearly but am struggling to accept this side of her.

I will talk about these images and the way she wants to present herself. Is there anything else I can do? Is there anyone whose DD has not gone down this social media path? I feel like I have failed in some way and she is seeking validation because of low self esteem.

Macandcheeseplease Tue 12-Nov-19 12:29:45

I don't mean vanity and shallowness being a defining aspect of someone's personality as being par for the course. Some people are vain and shallow whatever happens! But more that rebellion, experimentation etc happens and it does not necessarily define a 13 year old for ever more.

sheshootssheimplores Tue 12-Nov-19 12:32:11

She’s exploring her sexuality. We all did it. It’s just nowadays everything’s so public!

VioletCharlotte Tue 12-Nov-19 12:49:46

Please don't feel disappointed in your daughter. She's a normal 13 year old girl. Crop tops, etc are perfectly normal clothes for teenage girls to wear. She's just copying what she sees others doing. It's not about being sexually provocative and attracting boys, she just wants validation and to be told by her peers she looks good. That's normal and part of growing up, it doesn't make her shallow or vain, or mean she'll get into trouble.

Work on your relationship with her. Talk about the good sides of social media and also what can do wrong. Be open with her and encourage her to be open with you. Help her to be confident in herself and understand that what she is inside is what really matters, but don't dismiss her concerns about her appearance. 'What I look like' is of upmost importance to teenage girls and that's fine and normal. Just help her find a healthy balance.

Thatagain Tue 12-Nov-19 15:55:07

There is not much you can do. My DD when 14 usto come down the stairs with makeup on before school. When I drove her to school I got her to take it off with a baby wipe. Checked her bag ect for makeup nothing. When she came home from school she had loads of makeup on. You can be strict you can be kind and supportive although they think they know best so it's a loosing battle. I would of been furious with her if she posted herself online and she knows it. Switch the internet off as it sounds to me that she may not see the dangers around the corner. I would feel like you op

Londonmummy66 Tue 12-Nov-19 16:10:41

I explained to my DC (who are a little older than yours) that at my last job the IT manager had to do an internet search on all the partners' names every week to see what came up. It led in to a discussion on how you will want to present yourself at work one day and would you be happy if some of the photos you took of yourself came up when you were applying for a job etc. If so, don't post them. They sort of understand about taking the longer term view now and think a bit more about what they post.

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