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Friends with benefits

(5 Posts)
Kazbot Sat 09-Nov-19 09:11:06

Just as the title says. I'm having sex with an ex (well we was together when we were teenagers, first ever bf) but we have stayed friends. I know i shouldnt of started a friends with benefits, I've never done anything like this in my life, but We am both single, me for 12years, him only a year.

We both have children, I have 1 child whose disabled & hes a single dad whose got custody of his 2 kids.

The only thing is I think we am falling for each other & I didn't want a relationship, as I foster & I need to concentrate on my kids. They haven't met him yet & I don't want them to meet just yet anyway, I'm old fashioned where I need to no we are serious first.

It's bad enough asking a man to take on another man's child but to ask a man to take on someone else's children is asking to much, but he's turned round & said he's willing to do it, but why am I so nervous about that? My heart is saying jump at it but my head is telling me no & just concentrate on the kids, I live for my kids (Even if 2 ain't mine) & they need me.

At the start we discussed this, & we promised each other we wouldn't fall for each other, as it could get messy but I think we am, my heart goes all fluttery & my belly goes in knots when we see each other, which isn't a good sign. I feel like I am being selfish wanting this, as my kids need me more. I'm in such a mess :'(

Singlenotsingle Sat 09-Nov-19 09:26:44

There's a big step between a bf/gf relationship and a full blown moving-in situation. You don't have to live together. It's not compulsory. Carry on with your FWB friendship as it makes you both happy, and if it becomes more then that's ok too. Just go slowly.

Kazbot Sat 09-Nov-19 09:37:10

I don't think we would ever move in together as we would need a 6 bedroom house, just to house our brood lol but it does make us happy.

I wouldn't rush into anything as I have my kids to thinks of, I just wasn't expecting it happen, & I'm really torn on what's best to do.

ComtesseDeSpair Sat 09-Nov-19 09:37:12

Agree with previous poster, you’re really jumping ahead of yourself: there aren’t only two options, FWB or full blown married couple living together you know! You can continue what you’ve been doing albeit a little less casually and see where it goes - go on dates, spend time together when you can, be friends to each other. Eventually if it goes well it might feel as though you want to introduce the children. You don’t ever actually have to live together if it isn’t in the best interests of all the children involved - an increasing number of couples don’t (and you also save on all the arguments about whose turn it is to do the washing up etc which end up being the death knell to many relationships.) Just take things slowly and forget about any expected “escalator” you’re suppose to take where there are set things to do to make a relationship “more serious.”

Lastly, I’m not entirely clear from your post whether you’ve both talked about having feelings for each other or if you think it’s only you. If the latter, you need to tell him how you feel out of fairness to both of you; and if he doesn’t feel the same then none of the above is relevant anyway.

Kazbot Sat 09-Nov-19 09:49:55

I think it's cuz I've been single for many years I just worry about everything. I've done the relationship where we didnt live with each from a previous relationship & it was nice it kept that spark alive, & as I've been so independent for so long I don't think I could have anyone living with me lol

Oh yes sorry, we have spoken about our feelings & he has said he's fallen for me, me on the other hand am just starting to have feelings for him, which I didn't bank on :-(

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