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Has anyone tried 'gradual retreat' with their baby? Help!!

(14 Posts)
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Wed 23-Oct-19 07:38:26

I'm on night two of gradual retreat.
He's 10 months and wakes 6-20 times a night.
No he doesn't have CMPA. Yes he has reflux (that's a 20 wake up night if that's bad) but it's under control now and he wakes every sleep cycle. Probably caused by the initial reflux, so usually wakes 6-10 times a night.

I need to teach him to self settle.

We co-slept but it doesn't work for us at ALL.
Night one he is in his cot, no longer fed to sleep white noise, perfect nighttime routine and patted/shushed to sleep.

He woke 11 times.

Same last night.

I was thinking about the next stage of 'retreating' but I'm not sure how?? He seems pretty needy of the 'patting'.

If I just place my hand on his back he starts screaming and sitting up.

Has one done this who can tell me how they did it?
When did it improve?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Wed 23-Oct-19 09:33:48


DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Wed 23-Oct-19 10:12:48


FriedasCarLoad Wed 23-Oct-19 10:17:34

I’m afraid I have no wisdom to offer. But could you call your health visitor? Mine have very good advice.

FriedasCarLoad Wed 23-Oct-19 10:17:55

*gave, not have!

Doingitaloneandproud Wed 23-Oct-19 10:35:03

Oh I feel for you, I had this with my DS years ago, I had co-slept for so long and fed him to sleep that he wouldn't settle without me. It was hard going for a bit, I'd let him cry but with me next to him and him in his cot. I then gradually moved slightly further away until I was out the door. It took some time but then he was okay and slept better tbf. I don't know if that's any help, or if you've tried it already. Good luck, it's awful not getting much sleep!

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Wed 23-Oct-19 11:08:24

I tried just letting him with me next to him but after 2 hours of pure hysteria I gave up and vowed never again.

This is the gentle method and I feel it would suit him better. He's responding to being patted to sleep (as opposed to fed to sleep) very well!
It's just the constant waking and transition to the next stage of retreat...

Windydaysuponus Wed 23-Oct-19 11:16:22

When ds was 10 months I rang for a GP app. Told wasn't any. Told the receptionist either she found me one or I would leave ds in their pram park....
Sleep deprivation at its worst. Ds had basically lived in hospital all his life and had never been alone /in the dark.
Put him in the cot awake, cried and I went in after 10 seconds, built time up, not hysterical but crying. Told GP I couldn't do cio. Key was baby awake as he was put in the cot he said. No talking. No patting. Ds slept through after 3 nights. Weren't that tough nights either.
Was armed with flask and a book but wasn't as bad as expected...
Youngest ds I sent dh in with bottle of water after 3/4 bfs each night was killing me (9 months) slept through also third night.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Sat 26-Oct-19 07:57:26


Night 5 and he woke 8 times

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Sat 26-Oct-19 07:57:42

Can anyone else help that did gradual retreat?

earlydoors42 Sat 26-Oct-19 08:23:50

I did it but not for so young a child. My daughter was 2 I think. It took forever but worked permanently.

drspouse Sat 26-Oct-19 08:27:46

I did for an older toddler too. She was old enough to stand up and try and get out and the pat was more of a "hold down".
I think carry on with more patting for the moment and move to slower patting.

LittleMissEngineer Sat 26-Oct-19 09:10:33

We were lucky with DS when he was very little - good sleeper - but he started regularly waking through the night at 13-19 months (bad teething).

What we did was put a spare single mattress, pillow and duvet on the floor next to his cot. If he woke, then one of us would go in, lie down, hold his little hand through the bars (or pat his back) and “shush”. It would work. If we were lucky, he would fall properly to sleep and could sneak out. If not - he was too disturbed or kept waking up - could stay there and mostly sleep. DH and I would do alternative nights. At 19 months old, he stopped teething and stopped waking.

Doesn’t answer you question, but is an alternative. Good luck.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou Sat 26-Oct-19 09:12:30

Thanks. My mattress is next to his bed so I'm kinda doing exactly what you did at the moment.

Every time I look on YouTube or google examples it's always for a toddler rather than a baby!

Thanks for your posts.

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