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Fucked up money wise. Need advice and guidance.

(84 Posts)
GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:24:04

NC as I don't want this linking to my regular username

Also, NB this is a thread to get my worries out of my system and perhaps get some advice and NOT a money begging thread, although I know MNHQ will post their usual cautionary advice - which I appreciate.

So... I have fucked up. May not be a massive thing to some of you but I am £400 overdrawn. It's crept up slowly slowly over the last year(?) or so. With the OD being easy to increase each time.

My husband, I think, may be suspicious of me getting into debt.

The way we split our finances is as we have always done it.

I get paid, work out my outgoings for mobile phone contract etc plus an amount to spend on what i want for the month. The remainder gets put into the joint account and DH draws from that for the bills we have. Historically they were set up in his bank account and we couldn't be bothered changing them. He also adds to the joint acc if he has money surplus above bills and his spending money but this doesnt happen often as ALL household bills come from his account.

We have always worked out money this way. I know it's a MN no-no to have separate accounts but thats how we work.

Anyway... recently we discovered when we decided to swap electricity suppliers that i have a carp credit rating. We weren't sure why and I looked into it. Turns out in cancelled a direct debit in 2014 for a phone contract and the last 2 bills went unpaid. Not a massive amount - £40 or so pounds. And as it will be written off my credit file in 2 or so years, it seems silly to pay it off.

Anyway... I went to renew a phone contract this year and couldnt get one with a new supplier in my name. For the above reason.

We have a decent amount in savings which has come purely from my husband being very good with money and savings. He is a saver. I'm a spend thrift.

We have paid for a few things this month which we wouldn't usually treat ourselves to. Husband messaged this morning when at work saying that we need to be careful as it appears we have't saved much this month. The £300 or so which would normally be saved has been spent on the afore mentioned items.

I am now panicking incase husband aska about my bank account. He's already asked if i was getting into debt sand i said no.

I have borrowed £200 from my Mum and will pay a further £100 of on payday on Friday.

So my questions are....

How do you manage to avoid the temptation of an easy, cheap overdraft?
How do I get rid of this guilt I am carrying? I cannot tell him because I feel, put simply, it would be the end of our marriage. Do I just pay it off and forget about it?
How do you budget and not get into such a bloody mess?

And finally, if you've read this far... thank you x

Bigpaintinglittlepainting Tue 22-Oct-19 10:26:19

Why is it the end of your marriage? It appears that you don’t have enough to live on if you are going into your overdraft. Unless you’re buying lots of luxury items ?

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:28:15

@Bigpaintinglittlepainting It's the money I am allowed to spend on myself... the monthly sum we set to spend on what we want, after bills etc are paid. And I have run up an overdraft on things like household goods (because i want them) and wine and treats for us all.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:29:34

And because I have lied and kept things from him.

MrsMaiselsMuff Tue 22-Oct-19 10:30:15

First, pay off that £40. It might be written off in a few years, but in the meantime it's screwing up any hope of getting a better credit rating.

Then spend a week tracking everything you spend, every penny, then you can see where you need to make cutbacks.

BeesKnees4 Tue 22-Oct-19 10:31:35

Simple get rid of overdraft, I’ve never had one, it’s called living within your means, learn the difference between want & need and stop wasting money on unneccessary crap.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:33:27

@BeesKnees4 Totally agree and I think, stupidly, and naively I've stuck my head in the sand.

By Friday my OD will be -£100. How do I best ensure I don't just think sod it and increase it with the click of a button? draw cash out and hide my card/delete the banking app?

StarShapedWindow Tue 22-Oct-19 10:35:47

It sounds like you’ll be able to get out of debt within a few months and then you can have your overdraft removed from your account. I find if I want something it’s often spontaneous so if I wait overnight before purchasing I have no desire to buy the item in the morning.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:37:01

Meant also to add in my OP that to keep paying off my OD over the last few months, I have been taking £100 extra each month. Paying off £100 then increasing it again.

DH asked this AM was it definitely X I pay into the account as things didn't seem to add up.

I am fucked arent i?

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:38:03

How do i explain "oh yes I've miscalculated and there's an extra £100 a month i've not been putting into the account" without makinf further lies by saying "Oh i've had a payrise"

TheOliphantintheRoom Tue 22-Oct-19 10:40:57

First of all, tell your DH. There has to be trust in a marriage.

BeesKnees4 Tue 22-Oct-19 10:44:10

Can you have the overdraft removed from your account?
You need to stop frittering money away!!
Leave your card at home, delete any pay apps on your phone and carry £10 cash.
Do you drive/travel to work?
Buy/take lunch?

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 10:44:44

@TheOliphantintheRoom There is... but I will have broken it

Reluctantbettlynch Tue 22-Oct-19 10:50:07

Do you know how much your Dh earns?
You need a spreadsheet for bills and essentials- look on Mse website for advice on saving on those things.
Get a monzo card and put your spending money there, instead of using bank card

Mintjulia Tue 22-Oct-19 10:59:31

For goodness sake, tell him. It’s £400 not £40,000.
Then agree a strategy together - alcohol free November or whatever to bring the general costs down.

whatalovelytub Tue 22-Oct-19 10:59:31

Ah that's actually really sad. The end of your marriage because you're £400 overdrawn? DH and I have our finances worked out in a similar way to you. We are both frequently overdrawn and neither of us judge the other. Please don't be too harsh on yourself thanks

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 11:00:06

I've no idea how much he earns, or really how much our bills are. He handles it all because historically, they were all set to come from his account.

I feel so childish because I almost don't have a clue about our money and know that i can get bailed out if i need to... and it's stupid of me.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 11:01:47

@whatalovelytub @Mintjulia It's not the amount. It's the fact he asked me and i said i wasn't getting into debt that will be an issue.

BeesKnees4 Tue 22-Oct-19 11:02:00

How can you not know these things? What age are you? How long have you lived together?
Grow up and stop being a silly wee girl.

BigFatLiar Tue 22-Oct-19 11:02:37

Tell him about it. He'll probably be more annoyed at you keeping it from him than by you having an overdraft. If you're running a risk of overspending it may be worth sitting down with him occasionally and talking through your expenditure.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 11:05:07

Can you have the overdraft removed from your account? Yes, once it is paid off/ No facility to remove the option though.
You need to stop frittering money away!! I know... live within my means. Life seems so boring without little treats but you are 100% right. Nothing is worth this feeling. Nothing.
Leave your card at home, delete any pay apps on your phone and carry £10 cash. Deleted now I will withdraw £10 on Friday
Do you drive/travel to work? I drive.
Buy/take lunch? I take lunch but will often end up buying shit to eat like crisps, chocolate etc. I can call at the shop for.. milk and come away £5/£10 lighter.

May i just say I really do appreciate the advise you are all giving me.

GenuinelyConfusedByItAll Tue 22-Oct-19 11:06:31

*How can you not know these things? What age are you? How long have you lived together?
Grow up and stop being a silly wee girl.* I suppose I don't know because he's always managed it and I've not needed to think about it.

Perhaps I need to look at shifting accounts to one with no overdraft option.

Blueshadow Tue 22-Oct-19 11:08:15

I think you need to learn how much he earns and get him to show you what your bills are. You need access to the joint account too. If anything were to ever happen to him, how would you manage? Money management is a joint effort in marriage. Don’t be hard on yourself £400 really isn’t a huge amount if you are both working.

BeesKnees4 Tue 22-Oct-19 11:09:34

Your £5/10 rubbish at the shop is £100/200 per month that would clear the overdraft in no time. It’s not a treat when it’s bought on money that you don’t have.

Eventrider1 Tue 22-Oct-19 11:18:08

Oh I feel for you OP. I have never been one for an overdraft but I do have a credit card that I occasionally say 'f**k it' and will splurge on something, never huge amounts but £300 on boots, £100 on tickets etc and it all soon adds up. Currently working hard to pay that off ASAP and not get in that hole again!
Once you have cleared the overdraft, swap to an account that doesn't give you that option. You do need to learn the difference between want and need. I have to be really rough on myself now. There is loads that I want but I don't actually need any of it, so until I can save up enough to buy them, I don't get them, simple.

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