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To want DH to come home

(132 Posts)
HermioneSnape42 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:36:12

DH working away for the very first time in 27 years of us being together. I was totally against it from the start but as he’s self employed he basically said I need to go where the work is. He hasn’t had to up to now but I admit things are slow at the moment.
But typically after taking on this job he was inundated again. The usual thing with being self employed.

I have got progressively more annoyed as the date became closer. And he left Sunday night.

I want him to come home. I have anxiety and I’m Not coping tbh.

I’m up at 5am and not going to bed until after 11pm. I have insomnia so don’t sleep well generally but obviously it’s worse now I got 2 hours last night of broken sleep.

We have 4DC. 2 puppies. I’m at college and I have school runs, house work, dinners homework for the children and myself. It’s just too much. I can’t do it.

I’ve texted DH numerous times but he’s refusing and saying he’s committed and can’t come home.

I don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering keeping the kids off school and college. Between them I’m travelling 3 hours a day to take and collect them.

Making it worse is DH is working in a pub in a secondary role. So is getting 3 meals a day cooked for him and is sitting having a drink with the other work men after 6pm when he’s finished for the day. Whilst I’m still doing housework or dinner or washing up or ironing uniforms. I feel he’s taking the piss tbh.

Fallofrain Tue 15-Oct-19 19:40:55

How long is he away for?

HermioneSnape42 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:42:42

2 weeks.

Bunnybigears Tue 15-Oct-19 19:43:17

Lots of people do these things by themselves 24/7 365 days a year. You mention keeping DC's off school and college? How old are the DCs? Surely college aged ones can sort themselves out and help with housework and dog walks etc?

Apolloanddaphne Tue 15-Oct-19 19:43:42

Will he be home on a regular basis to give you a break?

SunshineAngel Tue 15-Oct-19 19:44:44

Firstly, I honestly do sympathise with you. I hate it when my partner is away, everything just seems more difficult.

Is there any way your older children could get themselves to school/college? Public transport an option? That would surely be a weight off your mind. DSS has just started getting the bus to college this year, and it has been such a weight off!

Do you have family members around you who might be able to help?

How long is he away for? If it's bothering you that much (give yourself time to get used to it, though) you need to consider whether whatever he is getting paid for being away is a) really worth it and b) desperately needed.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:44:54

It appears your husband is the only one financially supporting the family. If he has to go elsewhere for work, then that's what he needs to do. Something else stood out to me... You say you have anxiety, and you are clearly overwhelmed with children, their school, your school, and housekeeping. So why would you have two puppies? One puppy is a tremendous amount of work and added stress, nevermind two. Why would you take them on when you already know you have serious issues to contend with? I'm not meaning to be goady, but I think it's a legitimate question given what you've said. If you can't afford expenses without your husband's income, what do you expect him to do?

Foxyloxy1plus1 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:45:18

You said that he has to go where the work is, which is what you have to do if you’re self employed. He’s done that, presumably to ensure that you all keep a roof over your heads. It’s not a permanent thing I assume, if he’s got other work in the pipeline. He’s committed to doing a job and will have to see it through, otherwise his reputation will be damaged.

We’re you travelling to take the children to school before he went away? If so, that hasn’t changed has it? Perhaps take a break from college for a bit. Four children and dogs is a lot to deal with, but I think it would have an impact on his business if he abandoned the job unfinished.

Is there no one else who can help.

Aurorie11 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:45:36

How old are the kids, you mention college so assuming older, can't they use public transport? Prepare meals and generally share workload with you.
It's hard but what would it do for his professional reputation if he backs out?

TimeforanotherChange Tue 15-Oct-19 19:45:53

You need to grow up a bit, I'm afraid. I get that you have anxiety - but you can't demand that another adult comes home to help you when they are busy working. How old are DC and can they not help out a bit? Let the non essential housework go.

You can cope for 2 weeks with DH away. Plenty of single parents manage.

TeachesOPeaches Tue 15-Oct-19 19:47:10

It’s 2 weeks. You can do it. DH is away 3 days and 2 nights every week. I’ve 2 under 4. It’s tough, but needs must.

Celebelly Tue 15-Oct-19 19:47:09

Gently I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. By the sounds of things you don't work, so his income is needed. Being self-employed is tough and if he's been having a slow time then it's completely understandable why he's taken on this job. He's not away on holiday.

It sounds like you've taken on a bit more with life than you can handle, so when he gets back home
it might be worth figuring out what can be done to make things better.

Why two puppies by the way? It's rarely a good idea to get two puppies together.

unmumsymumof2 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:47:19

I'm sorry but you just sound pissed off your not in the pub having a drink & your meals cooked for you too.

I get it's hard with 4 kids, solely responsible for the house but some single parents do that week in, week out.

If he's HAD to take the work because there's no other option, he's doing his best for his family and you texting me demanding he come home isn't really fairy

unmumsymumof2 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:47:37

Fair* not fairly!

MarthasGinYard Tue 15-Oct-19 19:48:42

Perhaps if you worked too he wouldn't have to go away??

MarthasGinYard Tue 15-Oct-19 19:51:00

Can the older dc not bus to college or school?

DM1209 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:51:23

It's 2 weeks and he is not living it up, he's working, earning money for the family and I'd be happy that he's eating well.

The wider issue here is you need some mental health support, it must be incredibly suffocating for all involved.

Get some help if you can, family or friends, I would help if you were my friend. Don't burden him with your anxieties, try and work on them to be in a better place for yourself. What you're portraying can't be good for your children either.

Unless there is a huge back story and or you lack the mental or physical capacity to seek help, sort it out, or at least try to.

Girlundercover Tue 15-Oct-19 19:51:40

2 weeks? From the op I thought he had gone to the middle easy for 6 months or something. Seriously, I get grumpy when I’m on my own with the kids for a couple of weeks but I wouldn’t expect him to come home!

Countrylifeornot Tue 15-Oct-19 19:51:46

I don't understand at all why you think he's taking the piss? He's gone away to work, to pay the bills. He's not on a stag do.
You just need to get on with it OP, you are being a bit ridiculous.

limitedscreentime Tue 15-Oct-19 19:52:40

My Dh is away a lot. It's hard and extra pressure of the animals etc makes it 100x worse. I get a dog walker in which reduces the pressure there but it's still hard as still have my work, kids, house, other time consuming animals plus a building project to manage. As I work 'flexibly from home' a lot of my time is also taken up with helping people who don't recognise this as having to actually spend time working. I want him home all the time, but it's not realistic, esp with his own business (need to maintain good client relations as well as just bringing in the money). I have to seek out other ways to cope. And I need to learn to say no to all the other stuff grin

DM1209 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:53:20

Single parent here, 3 kids all primary age and NO family support at all, if I want childcare, I pay for it.

I'm not saying your feelings don't matter, they do. I think you're in a flap because you feel put out.

It is 2 weeks.

madcatladyforever Tue 15-Oct-19 19:53:26

Sorry but you'll just have to lump it.
He needs to earn money for the family, he is not doing it for the social side of it.
It's TWO WEEKS.
I was a single mum, suffered from acute anxiety, worked full time and had a 4 hour a day commute and no help whatseoever for 17 years as all my relatives lived abroad at the time.
You do what you have to do to survive and taking sdays off doesn't cut it.
You sound like hard work.

SprinkleDash Tue 15-Oct-19 19:54:03

All this fuss because he’s away for two weeks for work and you’re having to handle things by yourself? hmm Seriously?? You need to give your head a serious wobble!!

The way you were banging on I thought he’d gone away for several months!! Very, very, very weird reaction from you @HermioneSnape42!!!

AuntieMarys Tue 15-Oct-19 19:55:00

You are being ridiculous. It's 2 weeks. He is working, not having a boys holiday.

ShitOnIt78 Tue 15-Oct-19 19:57:14

Blimey confused

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