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I'm going to die fat.

(259 Posts)
MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 11:49:43

I just can't control my eating.

Have had disordered eating for as long as I can remember. Never seen a doctor for it. Well general GP who just tells me to join Wright watchers etc...

I was a normal size at 20. After my first kid I went up to about 13 stone.

15 years later I'm now almost 16 stone.

I've lost 1.5 stone though a shake replacement diet but now I've just fell off the wagon.

This morning I've had.
3 kit kats
A curry pastie
4 jammy dodgers

Once I start I just CANNOT stop myself. Its like I try and fill this emptyness with food but it never works.

I can't do this anymore.

I always lose a stone or 2 and put it all back on.

I can't do it.

I binge. Vomit. Starve myself (600cals) or binge and don't purge gaining weight.

I never have a steady pattern

I've tried
Slimfast
Keto
VLCDs
Weight watchers
Slimming world

All of it.

Why am I like this sad

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 11:51:41

I lost this 1.5 stone and thought 'this is it. I can do this. This VLCD is for me...'

Then boom. My resolve just goes and I eat everything in sight.

I hate myself.

TheQueef Wed 09-Oct-19 11:52:08

What about bariatric surgery?
It's clear the diets don't work for you, is it worth spending the next ten years trying new ones?

AudTheDeepMinded Wed 09-Oct-19 11:52:21

Have you ever been referred for any therapy? If your Dr isn't helping you explore this avenue I would see another one. Is that a possibility?

AudTheDeepMinded Wed 09-Oct-19 11:53:30

Also, have you sought support from these people? www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ They may be able to signpost you to tailored therapy etc

staydazzling Wed 09-Oct-19 11:53:31

marking my place, i could have written this op.

Dazedandconfusedmostdays Wed 09-Oct-19 11:53:38

Can you increase the levels of exercise you do, it will at least ensure you’re burning additional calories that you’re eating?

AudTheDeepMinded Wed 09-Oct-19 11:54:07

Surgery has its own dangers and really should be a very last resort.

BuffaloCauliflower Wed 09-Oct-19 11:54:40

@TheQueef terrible suggestion. People have to control their eating more after surgery not less, it’s a total lifestyle change and really not a good idea in most cases.

OP - it sounds like you would really benefit from some counselling around your relationship with food, before learning a new approach that isn’t just starve or binge. Could you speak to a doctor about getting referred for therapy?

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 11:54:50

The GPS are shit. They don't help me with any of my problems (I have depression and pretty sure I have endometriosis and they help with neither)

I can't afford surgery. I wish I could sad

P1nkHeartLovesCake Wed 09-Oct-19 11:56:00

You haven’t fallen off the wagon, you’ve had 1 bad morning that’s all. At lunch start back with the diet....

You need to lose the mentality that a few biscuits one morning means you’ve failed, it doesn’t. You only fail if you don’t pull it back after this small blip.

Of course you can do it, IF you want to do something then you can do it. Somethings aren’t easy but want it enough and you can do it

TheQueef Wed 09-Oct-19 11:56:36

At 16 stone the only likely bariatric option would be a removable balloon.
After 15 years of trying I would at least consider the option.

makingmiracles Wed 09-Oct-19 11:57:29

I feel your pain! I notice you haven’t listed blood sugar diet in things you’ve tried...maybe buy the book and have a read through....I’ve tried many things like you and found them unsustainable but I always keep coming back to bsd, it’s basically high fat, but no grains, starchy food, rice, pasta etc. The idea is to be around 800cals but even if you were over that it would bbe a better way of eating than at present. You probably think you’d be hungry on it but the fat keeps you satisfied for much longer than most things. Might be worth a read? They also have a fb group and the diet was designed by a dr -micheal Mosley and his gp wife.

eenymeenyminyme Wed 09-Oct-19 11:57:56

You poor thing, I hate it when I have days like that but thankfully it's happening more rarely these days as I finally feel that I'm getting my head together (most days anyway).

I'd absolutely recommend hypnotherapy to change your outlook so that you WANT to eat healthy foods and only eat enough, not binge on stuff.

Also write down a list of positive things in your life, look in the mirror every morning and say something out loud that you like about yourself and an improvement, however tiny, you promise that you're going to make that day... teeny steps and you'll get there!

Good luck flowers

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 11:58:47

I've been on antidepressants for 12 years now.

I'm just a fucking shell of a person. I have no friends. I have no life outside my house. I'm just so, so sad.
It feels like food is all I have to make myself feel happy but it backfires. It makes me sadder. The guilt. The vomiting.

I'm just messed up.

I've been to the GP before and they just say 'if you lose half a stone we will give you fat burning pills' the ones that make you shit out fat.

Or do some online CBT.

When I brought up therepay they say its for extreme cases and the wait lists are long.

BuffaloCauliflower Wed 09-Oct-19 11:59:17

I would second the Blood Sugar Diet as well as therapy. I’d also strongly suggest the book The Diet Myth, to learn more about how food really interacts with our bodies and gut microbes. Really changed my perspective on food

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 12:00:23

Oh yes I've tried hypnotherapy too.

It was 70 quid a session (am on benefits so I literally had to beg borrow and steal but I was desperate) it did nothing sad

thetardis Wed 09-Oct-19 12:00:40

have you ever done a basic food diary like myfitnesspal? just filling it in regularly, making no concerted effort to cut down. it can really help get a handle on patterns and i find it encourages me to exercise. once i'm aware of the "cost" of everything going in i can make informed judgements about what's "worth it" and what isn't, and what a long walk can do for the balance sheet.

i've been everywhere between an 8 and an 18 over many years and my healthiest weightloss has happened when i'm doing a food diary.

eenymeenyminyme Wed 09-Oct-19 12:01:24

When I brought up therepay they say its for extreme cases and the wait lists are long

You might not get hypnotherapy through the NHS but find out how much it costs with a local therapist - even try buying a Paul McKenna CD off eBay might help, anything to help you get your mindset right so that you don't even want to binge on unhealthy foods.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 09-Oct-19 12:01:55

You need to fix the inside first before you can break the cycle

But

It's one day you haven't fallen off the wagon you have just lost a shoe keep going

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 12:02:17

When I did keto I felt great.

I lost Loads. I wasn't tired. I had energy.

But I just stopped and ate shit.

I don't know why I do it. There's this massive self sabotage element in me.

I'm not thick. I know how to lose weight. I know what I'm doign wrong.

This cloud comes Iver me and I just DON'T Care about anything and I eat the sadness away

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 12:03:25

Yes tardis.
My fitness pal
monitor your weight
Fit bit tracker
Paper diaries

Had them all

Fettfrett Wed 09-Oct-19 12:04:14

I know you've tried a lot of 'diets', but I've been on a programme called One Path which is NHS recommended. As well as giving diet advice you get a mentor and daily articles on the psychology of eating, forming habits etc.

One of these things it addresses is the feeling of 'I've binged, I might as well give up'. It has really changed the way I look at food - I feel like I've permanently changed my diet and I'm steadily losing 1lb a week even after 12 weeks. Take a look (I don't work for them, I've just been impressed with how it has dealt with so much more than diet)

MrsFattyBumBum Wed 09-Oct-19 12:04:52

The hypnotherapy was just weird. I was just lay there listening to her. Nothing happened. I didn't go anywhere or fall asleep. I felt no different. It just didn't work for me at all.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 09-Oct-19 12:05:43

Change your name you are not going to be mrsfattybumbum for ever be mrsslimmingdown mrsgoingtodoit you will get through this go to a different dr tell them the tablets arnt helping you need therapy

And pick your diet back up again keep going you can do this

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