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How much physical affection do you and your DP show each other?

(54 Posts)
BigbreastsBiggerbeard Tue 08-Oct-19 20:21:28

Are you hand holders? Huggers? Do you like to sit with your legs touching whilst sitting watching TV? And how important is physical affection to you?

We're all individuals, I know, and all have different needs, so I guess it's really curiosity. This has been at the forefront of my mind lately, so guess I'm hoping to find I'm 'normal'! Yeah, yeah, I know, there's no normal....

Would love to hear how important it is to others smile

QforCucumber Tue 08-Oct-19 20:23:14

DH and I have been together almost 9 years, we are not hand holders and we sleep facing away from each other, but we always have a kiss or a cuddle through the day.

PickAChew Tue 08-Oct-19 20:23:37

Naff all. He's not a touchy feely sort of person.

WickedLemon Tue 08-Oct-19 20:24:43

We always kiss hello/goodbye. Hold hands occasionally in public. Sit on the sofa watching TV with legs draped over each other or one of us will snuggle into the other.

Physical affection is of some importance to me, not hugely important but if there was none then we’re just housemates, not partners.

Yeahnahyeah1 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:26:29

A lot, we’ve been together 3.5 years and married 2 months, so I guess it’s still early-ish days but I don’t think it’ll change too much, we’re both very touchy feely and it’s important to us both to be physical with each other. We’re on separate sofas right now but he’s got his hand on my leg, for example.

wonderwooman Tue 08-Oct-19 20:28:01

- Occasional hand holders in public.
- we hug when one of us is showing empathy rather than as everyday thing
- we kiss goodbye rather than hello
- we sit on different sofas
- we cuddle up in bed as long as it’s not too hot

Deedee248 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:28:16

We’ve been married 31 years. Still hold hands sometimes when we go out. Usually sit close on the sofa with physical contact. Have a regular cuddle or hug during the day. Always kiss goodnight or goodbye. Physical contact is really important to both of us.

wonderwooman Tue 08-Oct-19 20:28:40

sorry, should have said, married nearly 19 years

missyB1 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:30:37

Always kiss goodbye, often have random hugs and kisses. In the evening I sit with my feet on his lap so he can rub them. We cuddle up in bed.
Both in our 50s been married 11 years.

tempnamechange98765 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:30:57

We've been together 9 years, married over 5.5, 2 kids (one is a baby). We don't hold hands in public - DH has never been a fan! We cuddle a lot in bed at night (when it's not boiling) and DH in fairness is good at always making the effort to give me a hug/quick kiss/bum squeeze grin

BigbreastsBiggerbeard Tue 08-Oct-19 20:31:47

This is good to hear, thank you.

PickAChew - does that bother you? I know some people are just not into touching and whatnot. I am, so would miss it, but it's hard when you're with someone that's not fussed!

CherryPavlova Tue 08-Oct-19 20:32:23

Together 32 years married 28. Hand holders sometimes when we’re out walking and the world feels good.
Kiss hello, goodbye, for no real reason.
Hugs often. Empathy, joy, celebration, comfort.
Draping over sofa. No, too uncomfortable and dog gets jealous. We use different sofas.

Ember12 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:32:42

No hand holding. Sit on different sofas, face away in bed. Kiss goodbye and goodnight. Been together 9 happy years.

areyoubeingserviced Tue 08-Oct-19 20:33:01

Married eighteen years.
Lots of hugging and hand holding

confusedofengland Tue 08-Oct-19 20:33:16

Been together 19 years.

Always hold hands walking along. At home we have different ends of the sofa, but if we're sitting together we'll often hold hands or snuggle. In bed, we have to have at least one part touching each other to go to sleep, even if only little fingers or feet blush

Also say I love you a lot throughout the day (random intervals!)

JorisBonson Tue 08-Oct-19 20:34:14

Neither of us are particularly tactile but we always hold hands / link arms when its just the two of us.

milski Tue 08-Oct-19 20:36:12

Me and DH hardly ever hold hands. We sit on different sofas. Sleep in separate beds. We always kiss hello and goodbye. Neither of us are very affectionate but i do crave it a lot but don't really instigate it very much. We have very young children but that's no excuse. I think I need to buck my ideas up and make more of an effort after reading these posts!

StarlingsInSummer Tue 08-Oct-19 20:38:41

We’ve very touchy feely. DH a bit too much at times! Verbally affectionate too. We’re both from huggy families, and DS is also a cuddle monster too.

Trinpy Tue 08-Oct-19 20:40:16

Been together 11 years, married for 8.

Physical affection is very important to both of us. Lots of hugs and kisses, we always cuddle up together on the sofa, also tell each other we love each other every day. We only hold hands some of that time but that's usually because we're busy herding cats trying to get the dcs to keep up and walk in a straight line.

Ninkaninus Tue 08-Oct-19 20:40:20

We are very snuggly. Hold hands while out, hug and kiss a lot, snuggle up on the sofa to watch telly, quite often sleep snuggled up too.

I’m glad he likes to give and receive affection as much as I do. Sometimes he even wants it more than I do, which I find really endearing and reassuring. I don’t think I could be happy and really feel emotionally secure with someone who wasn’t physically demonstrative.

EmmiJay Tue 08-Oct-19 20:40:34

I was a straddler if we were alone. shrug

MattBerrysHair Tue 08-Oct-19 20:40:36

Hold hands when walking quite a lot, lots of spontaneous hugs and kisses when we're alone, often sit watching TV with my legs up on his lap, kiss hello and goodbye eery time. However, I hate anyone touching me when I want to sleep so we face away from each other. Sometimes I even sleep in another room. Been together 4 years.

Whatsyournameagain Tue 08-Oct-19 20:41:55

None whatsoever, not a good morning or good night kiss, zilch. We are both from families that show no affection and never say ‘I love you’, so it’s hardly a surprise! I hate it, but feel after 20 years it’s way too late to start showing/asking him for affection now!

Pollaidh Tue 08-Oct-19 20:44:31

Together 16 years, married 11.

Hand/arm holding when out and about without children hanging off us.
Kiss hello and goodbye.
Random hugs/cuddles/sit on lap during day.
If watching television we sit on same sofa, pressed up against each other. Sometimes he sleeps with his head on my lap, to have his head stroked.
In bed it varies, sometimes a cuddle, sometimes not, but tend to sleep away from each other (SK bed) with maybe a leg in contact.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard Tue 08-Oct-19 20:44:57

Ninkaninus - that's it, feeling emotionally secure. I'd find it endearing too if he initiated it more!

expatinspain Tue 08-Oct-19 20:46:33

Less public affection than at the beginning. We always held hands or had our arms round each other, now we do that sometimes rather than frequently. At home I usually have my legs on him if we're watching tv or sometimes he lies down with his head on my lap. I'm not a hugger when sleeping, DP does try but usually gets pushed off. We do sleep touching though, usually bum to bum or bum to leg. We have a cuddle before going to sleep most nights. We don't kiss each other goodnight, or goodbye either, unless we're going on a trip or something.

SimonJT Tue 08-Oct-19 20:46:48

I’m very hands on, if my boyfriend wasn’t hands on I wouldn’t like it, I would also be worried if I was annoying him by always touching, hugging etc.

Bouffalant Tue 08-Oct-19 20:48:10

We're both quite cuddly, though in bed we both like our space we always have our feet touching even if we have a gap between us.

DP is a bit of a childish pain at times, hugs descend into tickles/blowing raspberries on my neck/biting my nose.

9 years.

fantasmasgoria1 Tue 08-Oct-19 20:48:38

We cuddle each other an awful lot. When it's hot we just hold hands in bed but when it's cold we cuddle up. We hold hands when we are out and we cuddle. When my fiance get in from work we have a long cuddle and kiss. Basically we are very soppy and cuddle and kiss each other an awful lot!

ChinChinPassMeTheGin Tue 08-Oct-19 20:50:44

I crave intimacy, he doesn’t. Hates kissing “every 5 minutes”. Right now I’m in bed, he’s downstairs.

Pyjamaface Tue 08-Oct-19 20:51:44

Been together 11 years

Not a lot really, we occasionally kiss goodbye but no hand holding, rarely say I love you, he has his end of the sofa and I have mine and I have before considered smothering him with a pillow when he has been breathing on me in his sleep, so god knows what I would do if he tried to actually touch me when I was trying to sleep.

We show our affection by insults, taking the piss and generally acting like 5 year olds grin

C0untDucku1a Tue 08-Oct-19 20:56:40

Been married 11 years. Dh isnt affectionate at all. Winds me up no end. But he does make me
A cup of tea in bed every morning.

DramaAlpaca Tue 08-Oct-19 20:57:18

Married almost 30 years. Neither of us are very tactile & we aren't from demonstrative families. We hold hands sometimes & we hug, but we aren't draped over each other all the time. I couldn't bear being with someone who was touchy feely, it would really annoy me. We love each other & are very secure together, we just don't need to be in each other's space all the time.

StCharlotte Tue 08-Oct-19 20:59:59

Kiss hello and goodbye. Occasional hugs during the day (more so now the dog's gone). He always cuddles me in bed smile Married 20 years.

Leftielefterson Tue 08-Oct-19 21:03:38

DP and I are both very tactile. I love the intimacy of physical affection. We actually bought a corner sofa so we could get cosy side by side. We mostly hold hands when we’re out and we are very kissy.

When we see one another we kiss and hug. Lots of cwtching in bed too.

Everyone is different though.

shiningstar2 Tue 08-Oct-19 21:15:28

Been married 45 years. He puts my arm through his or holds my hand when walking through town. Always kiss goodbye when one or other leaves the house but like our comfort now and sit with feet up on separate sofas in the house grin

particularsrequired Tue 08-Oct-19 21:28:07

Always kiss each other hello and goodbye. The odd hug every day, often initiated by DH. We might hold hands a bit when out, but not systematically. We have a corner sofa, and if we're watching TV we sit together with our legs touching, but if we're reading we'll sit separately. If we go to bed at the same time we have a big cuddle before pulling apart to go to sleep. We've been together 8 years; I'm 47, and he's 51.

trevthecat Tue 08-Oct-19 21:48:43

Together 5 years, we kiss hello, goodbye, randomly. Same with hugs. We sit together on sofa, usually my legs on him. Sleep usually facing away, both like our own space in bed. We're both quite touchy, will walk past the other and stroke arm, squeeze bum etc. Occasionally hold hands in public, usually got pram or kid though!!

Scratchyfluffface Tue 08-Oct-19 22:13:14

DH and I have been together almost 9 years, we are not hand holders and we sleep facing away from each other, but we always have a kiss or a cuddle through the day.

5 years for us and this pretty much exactly describes us - we may touch feet in bed occasionally (which proves I love him as I HATE feet 😂) but that's it, and we have a large sofa

Ninkaninus Tue 08-Oct-19 22:15:50

We’re not glued to each other 24/7, we do like our own space too. We usually sit on either side of the sofa for a couple of hours in the evening, reading, playing games or doing our respective things. Then if we decide to actually watch something together I’ll move over to his side, fix the cushions to make it comfy and then snuggle down for proper cosiness.

Sometimes we sleep snuggled up all through the night (not so much in the summer because it’s just too hot and sticky), but usually I’ll rest my head on his chest until I’m very sleepy, then I’ll move over and sleep on my side with my back to him. Sometimes he’ll spoon me in the night and other times we’ll just hold hands. I don’t sleep well and also often suffer with anxiety and panic in the night so being able to reach out and feel him and have him react to that by snuggling up to me is really nice.

Ninkaninus Tue 08-Oct-19 22:17:00

Oh and we’ve been together 11 years.

soggypizza Tue 08-Oct-19 22:24:49

Lots - been together for 20 years - always cuddle on the sofa while watching tv, kiss hello and goodbye and hold hands sometimes, hold knees in the car, random hugs and a wee bit of slow-dancing...

BigbreastsBiggerbeard Tue 08-Oct-19 22:34:07

Love that flinging of the legs across the partner when both occupying the sofa. And possibly prodding them with your toes when you want their attention.

CakeNinja Wed 09-Oct-19 00:53:12

Not a huge amount.
We aren’t tactile people although both of us kiss and hug the dc frequently.
Neither of us are into holding hands when we’re out. I hate the sounds of the tv so when he’s in one room watching it I’ll be in another doing something else, nowhere near the sofa!
Kiss goodbye, usually hello too.
Cuddle in bed sometimes but neither of us could stand touching each other in our sleep.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard Wed 09-Oct-19 11:57:23

It's reassuring to hear of couples who've been together for years and are still physically affectionate. That's one of the things that was worrying me, if he isn't particularly bothered about being tactile at an early stage, it's probably not going to improve with time. So I've been working on explaining why holding hands and whatnot is important. He doesn't mind, just not used to it!

HotChocolateLover Wed 09-Oct-19 12:34:38

Hold hands whenever we’re out. Snuggle on the sofa usually. Do spoons in bed until it’s time to sleep as can’t sleep like that. Lots of kisses throughout the day 😘

mildshock Wed 09-Oct-19 12:39:35

Hold hands in public sometimes. I'm really not into PDAs, so no more than that.

Hold hands or heads/feet on laps on the sofa.
Kiss and hug at home when saying hello/goodbye.
Often kiss for no reason in the kitchen when the kids are somewhere else in the house.

We spoon in bed before going to sleep facing away from each other but touching legs/feet because he's a human radiator grin

Physical affection is so important to both of us, and it's rubbing off on our kids. They're both huggers, and always want a kiss and hug hello/goodbye/goodnight. Our oldest loves morning cuddles in our laps while he's still half asleep.

Been together 9.5 years.

caperplips Wed 09-Oct-19 12:49:12

We're very affectionate with each other. We hold hands walking around mostly.
We kiss several times a day, always on leaving, not always on meeting - depends on where we are. We hug LOTS during the day and tell each other I love you lots, at least once a day, sometimes more. We are affectionate in texts too and very often mildly flirtatious.
Every night in bed he rubs my back, or legs, or hip or bum. Not sexual (well sometimes!) but mostly comforting and helps me to sleep well.
I rub his hair / head in the morning when the first snooze alarm goes off.
He holds my knee a lot in the car when we're driving.
We don't always sit together in the evenings but when we do I sit with my legs on him and he rubs them and my feet.
I had never really thought about it much before but I guess we touch each other a lot really. We are both in our 40's and together 20 years, married 16. We have always been like this.

Platina Wed 09-Oct-19 12:51:06

Married 30 years, together 32 years

Hold hands when out
Kisses when saying goodbye and when coming home and last thing at night
Every night as I fall asleep he strokes my back, its lovely

PickAChew Wed 09-Oct-19 23:57:58

@BigbreastsBiggerbeard there are times when i would like a spontaneous hug.

We do kiss goodbye and goodnight.

MegaClutterSlut Thu 10-Oct-19 07:35:29

We do quite a bit of affection really. Been with dh 20yrs.

We always kiss each other hello/goodbye
Kiss and hug each other in passing
Tell each other several times a day, I love you
Cuddle on the sofa in the evening
Hold hands
Before we go to sleep in bed with have a kiss and cuddle

HandbagCrazy Thu 10-Oct-19 08:15:14

Together 17 years, married 7.

I think we're quite affectionate, initiated 50/50 by each of us. Cuddle every morning before we get up, often hold hands in public, have a nice cuddle most evenings on the sofa, usually me leaning on him and him with his arm around me (only for half an hour).
We tend to cuddle in bed while watching tv / reading then turn away from each other when we actually want to sleep.

I think it's an important distinction between being housemates or friends with benefits and wouldn't be comfortable if it was only me who initiated affection.

BarbedBloom Thu 10-Oct-19 11:20:12

Together 5 years. Very affectionate. Always hold hands when out. Kiss hello and goodbye. Cuddle up on the sofa and often randomly hug or kiss each other when we are home. I couldn't date someone who wasn't tactile as it is important to me

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 10-Oct-19 11:49:48

I'm very tactile. Love holding hands, snuggling on the sofa etc.

XP would kiss at lips' edge, and that was all. If he could have shagged me from the other side of the room, he would have. Now I snuggle with my dog and kiss her ears and wonder at people who don't feel the need to touch or be touched.

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