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Just held the worst children’s party 😢

(273 Posts)
Fairylightsandwine Sun 06-Oct-19 08:51:41

I was on here a few days ago asking for party games for my child’s birthday party today (he’s 5)
Well, the party was yesterday and it was a DISASTER and I feel really gutted about it. It was only an hour and a half so we hired a big bouncy castle, planned a few party games and I thought that would be enough with food. It was just awful. One parent complained my DH was too ‘aggressive’ in musical statues in the way he eliminated their child, two parents had coffee spilled all over them (it was one of their own children that barged into them yet somehow I ended up feeling to blame) a Mum complained that I gave her daughter juice instead of water but the worst thing that happened was that 7 children turned up who didn’t RSVP and 3 turned up with siblings! So I had 10 extra children! There wasn’t enough party bags, not enough chairs, not enough room on the table and it just felt so shambolic. I could see all the parents sort of looking at each other and I feel like it was my first big children’s party and I completely failed.
DS only started school 4 weeks ago so I only know a handful of these parents from nursery but the rest I don’t know so it was the first chance I guess to get to know them and I felt like I made a really bad impression. I’m a big worrier anyway so I’ve woken up this morning and feel shit. It doesn’t matter, does it?!

reetgood Sun 06-Oct-19 08:53:43

No, it really doesn’t matter. Did your child have a good time? That’s kind of the main priority here.

I recently attended my first child birthday party and it was chaos, I thought they did really well!

AtillatheHun Sun 06-Oct-19 08:54:08

Don’t worry, 5 years later and hardly anyone remembers the time that I hired a magician who insulted half the parents and nannies who were there and then taught the kids how to do a trick involving a pencil appearing to go up their nostril

BarbarAnna Sun 06-Oct-19 08:54:40

It really doesn’t matter! Bet the kids had fun and that is the main thing. People turning up on you siblings and not RSVP-big are so annoying. Put it out if your mind and have a lovely Sunday.

Laquila Sun 06-Oct-19 08:54:57

It’s absolutely FINE. Believe me, no-one focuses on these kind of things - all the parents are just glad to get to the end of a kids party still sane/alive (and glad they’re not the ones hosting it). I hope the people who didn’t RSVP felt suitably guilty, btw - so rude!!

But honestly, no kids’ party runs perfectly/whiteout a hitch - there’s always someone crying because someone won’t let them on the bouncy castle/the cheese is sliced and not grated/they got a blue balloon instead of a green one. You can’t win so just be kind to yourself and be glad it’s over for another year 😃

dudsville Sun 06-Oct-19 08:55:20

Did your child enjoy it?

TroysMammy Sun 06-Oct-19 08:55:22

No it doesn't matter at all. Did your son enjoy his birthday party because that is all that matters?

You've found out quite early on that people are twats.

Justasecondnow Sun 06-Oct-19 08:55:49

People turning up without RSVP-ing & bring siblings without asking should be the ones who feel bad - but they won’t. Buggers.

All the concerns raised are from parents. Did the kids have a good time? Bouncy castle & musical statues sounds like they did. If so then focus on that!

Velveteenfruitbowl Sun 06-Oct-19 08:56:51

I really doubt anyone cares.

MsTSwift Sun 06-Oct-19 08:58:31

My worst one I tried to cancel as dd2 had bad vomiting bug but as it was after school the parents had cancelled childcare so they all wanted it to go ahead. Dd2 went upstairs to bed. It was a craft party dd2 had invited all boys which I had queried but she assured me they loved craft. They didn’t. I was on my own burnt the pizza boys ran riot. In the middle the deputy head of the school turned up as the friend I had asked to collect dd1 had not done so. She was in tears as uncollected. Apparently I had “not answered my phone”. No shit!

BeanBag7 Sun 06-Oct-19 08:58:53

It's not your fault, but the fault of those who showed up uninvited/without responding to invite. Such a selfish way to behave especially when it is so easy to contact people these days. It would take them about 4 seconds to text you and say "Billy will be coming" or ask "is it ok to bring Susie's little sister?".
I suppose in future you will know to chase RSVPs, or expect to cater for more children than you invited.

BeanBag7 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:00:21

they all wanted it to go ahead
Why didn't you just say no!?

DocusDiplo Sun 06-Oct-19 09:01:38

The people who were complaining sound very rude! Very kind of you to invite people and cater for them flowerscake Don't worry at all. You'll laugh it off in a years time. It's OK,you sound like a lovely caring mum - enjoy your child x

Mixingitall Sun 06-Oct-19 09:01:52

Ahhh, don’t worry what others think. In a few years you’ll be a pro!

I never do party bags, I have a big basket and either put books or toy cars in there, with some haribo.

I do write on the invites no siblings, and after 6 tell parents it’s a drop off party.

I also hold parties between 3-5, the children don’t seem to eat much! Hot dogs and veg sticks or pasta pesto with a lolly is the easiest food to make rather than a buffet.

ChildminderMum Sun 06-Oct-19 09:02:06

Kids birthday parties are always a bit shambolic.

People are rude and you always need to chase up non-responders.
I write names on party bags and do boxes for food so siblings get nothing!

nevergotthehangofthursdays Sun 06-Oct-19 09:02:07

It's not your fault. Next time, go for one of the soft play places where you have to have an RSVP to be admitted and they provide the food (which the kids never touch anyway). Or maybe by then your DC will know who they want to invite so you can take three or four of them to a film and pizza, or something.

BTW I believe the new series of Motherland is coming up - the first series may well be on catch-up if you fancy a laugh. It started with a disastrous children's party.

FlipFlopChipShop Sun 06-Oct-19 09:02:39

I helped organise my sister's party, she must have been about 5. The children started a chant of 'we want fun, we want fun' for what seemed like ages. 😨 I ran out of party games within the first half. They ended up sitting with my Dad reading a story. My sister still talks about it now. 😟

Gogreen Sun 06-Oct-19 09:02:49

Yh they as parents probably think it’s bad and are judging...but just wait until they throw their kids first party from school...they will get a taste of it and think actually...I get it.

FWIW, With young kids, you don’t tell them they are out, you keep going and tot it up in your mind then declare who the winner is for party games like musical statues

Maniak Sun 06-Oct-19 09:03:02

Ugh birthday parties are the worst! I used to think older Mums were killjoys for saying that but no. They are always awful! Some worse than others, but the kids love them. Good news: 5 is the turning point. After that, parents don't stay thank god

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sun 06-Oct-19 09:04:11

We’ve had vomiting, a twisted ankle, a mum called because her daughter felt sick who then made a miraculous recovery and was tucking into ice cream when frantic mum turned up, party child crying because she lost musical chairs, people complaining to me because some children were not passing the parcel properly.

All in all they’ve gone pretty well I’d say.

FlipFlopChipShop Sun 06-Oct-19 09:04:14

My favourite sort of parties are softplay or activity party.

In, play for an hour then home. No food, no fuss. Tires them out and then I take them home.

WineGummyBear Sun 06-Oct-19 09:04:41

Doesn't matter at all. Hope your DS enjoyed it.

Poor you, any of things can happen in isolation but 10 unexpected children!!! (What a group of rude parents you had)

Vintagegoth Sun 06-Oct-19 09:06:15

Did your DS have fun? If so, forget the rest.
I had a party like this for my DD's 5th. Invited 23 children, 20 said yes, 27 children turned up. Had 9 year old uninvited siblings grabbing party bags, so invited guests had none. One child tried to blow out the candles on DD's cake before she could. It felt chaotic and exhausting, but DD looks back on it fondly.

Some parents are always going to be precious about their DCs or a bit snobby. Next year can be a drop off party and you won't have to worry about them!

TheGirlWhoLived Sun 06-Oct-19 09:06:27

At dd1’s first party at school (October birthday so very new to the school) we booked a big hall, everything was ready to go.... until the key didn’t work. We couldn’t get in contact with anyone to open it, it was a nightmare! We managed to get the vicar from the local church to contact a friend of a friend which happened to be the MAYOR of the city- and he had a spare key to the village hall. It was such a pallaver- I was in tears (dd had a wonderful party- the parents, many of which are my best friends now, just found it both hilarious and relieved it wasn’t theirs!)

MsTSwift Sun 06-Oct-19 09:06:28

Beanbag she vomited 10pm the night before the parents all cancelled their childcare due to the party parents my friends mostly working parents would have totally dropped them in it

Joyfulincolour Sun 06-Oct-19 09:07:34

I’m not surprised it was tricky - 10 extra kids turning up is not on. No wonder it was a struggle. Don’t give it another thought. Congratulate yourself for being brave enough to host a party and make a mental note of how you will tackle these cheeky sods if you want to invite them next year!

AJPTaylor Sun 06-Oct-19 09:07:41

Aw bollocks. Parties are something to get through with gritted teeth.
Me and my sil still laugh about my nephews bowling party when he was 6. He is 31 now. A child somehow trapped themselves in the ball returner and it ended in a food fight. In a public place.

TerribleCustomerCervix Sun 06-Oct-19 09:10:07

You’ll remember it much longer than any of the guests will. Seriously, people have very short memories about things like that.

If I’d been there as another parent, at most I would have thought that you had your hands full and offered to help.

memaymamo Sun 06-Oct-19 09:10:41

I think you're a champion for going to all that effort to give your child a great birthday.

All the little things that went wrong will be long forgotten, and how rude are those parents for bringing uninvited children angry. Not your fault.

ReginaGeorgeous Sun 06-Oct-19 09:11:08

Birthday parties bring out the worst kinds of CFs.
I had a soft play party for my four year old last year, nursery provided a list of the kids names in her room and we invited them all.

We had one kid turn up, whose mother had not RSVP'd. I'd never met this child nor his mother before. She announced that she needed to run some errands and disappeared - I was 37 weeks pregnant and in no position to rescue her son from the play frame if required!

I'm sure your child had a wonderful time and that's all that matters.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Sun 06-Oct-19 09:11:32

Please don't worry about it op. I bet most of us on here have got a party disaster story or two to tell!

Party games never seem to go well these days...kids don't seem to be able to cope with not being the winner any more.

BeyondMyWits Sun 06-Oct-19 09:13:01

We had a bowling party - age 7! Never again... one child dropped the bowling ball on their foot - broke a bone and a toe, their parent was there telling them not to be so daft nothing was broken and bent down to help, caught their forehead on the ball return thing and sliced their forehead open needing 24 stitches and plastic surgery.

Everyone remembers that party...

FlipFlopChipShop Sun 06-Oct-19 09:13:07

My advice is always take back up! Grandad, Aunties, Uncles. I give them jobs like cake duty, party bags, make adults drinks, carry the gifts to the car. Share the load. Rope in friends if you have no family close by.

PotPlantKiller Sun 06-Oct-19 09:13:54

Children's parties bring out the worst in people. So rude to turn up without rsvps or with siblings. Happens EVERY TIME though. I only ever do parties at a venue now where you pay per head. No rsvps, no entry and the venue staff sort it for you. Soft play, trampoline Park. Swim party, that kind of thing.

Starlight456 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:15:42

Child out in musical statues will end up with a bratty child who can’t cope with losing, coffee spilt no one remembers, juice ... meh my Ds only drinks water so I would of asked for water instead but it wouldn’t of been a complaint.

I wonder if some of this you heard as a complaint as you were stressed like many are . Siblings would not of got party bags,

It really doesn’t sound like a bad party

Penguin34 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:17:43

Fgs aren't we all supposed to be on the same team? If I was at a bday party and the mum was struggling a bit I'd be helping, not tutting. Cows

I'm sure the kids didn't notice and they had a great dime x

Letthemysterybe Sun 06-Oct-19 09:17:50

Seriously don’t worry. All 5 year olds are like very drunk adults at a party. I’ve not been to a 5 year olds party yet that isn’t chaotic and noisy and full of kids running around doing unexpected things. I promise that no parents will have been judging you, but they just mighty have looked slightly pained as they realised that they have their own kids parties to host very soon!

mummmy2017 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:18:05

All the mums you want to befriends with will be there for you .
Right now in their eyes your a hero.
Remember lots will have bigger children and have been there .
Make a joke out of it and humour will mean you can all enjoy it for what it was , a kids party.

SummerHouse Sun 06-Oct-19 09:18:35

I always get PPA (post party anxiety). I fixate over a small issue that I feel everyone has noticed. It's illogical though. I have never been to a party and felt anything other than grateful for my child having been invited, fed and had a good time.

picknmixer Sun 06-Oct-19 09:19:19

A child lost their finger at a party DS attended in year 2, yours sounds great OP. Stop worrying.

GetOffTheTableMabel Sun 06-Oct-19 09:21:22

picknmixer 😱 You win!

sandyfoot Sun 06-Oct-19 09:23:33

This is a great thread! Always amazing how badly people behave!

OP Don't worry, sounds like a standard party and am sure kids had a ball. Just be glad it's over for another year and enjoy your Sunday.

AssangesCat Sun 06-Oct-19 09:25:22

DS had a soft play party where a child had to be taken to A&E. His last party was his 10th birthday and it was the first one where no one has cried. We considered it a great success on that basis alone.

You've got post party anxiety. You'll get to know the other parents and in time you'll laugh it off.

theendoftheendoftheend Sun 06-Oct-19 09:25:52

How was your DH too aggressive in eliminating children? what did he dooo???! Mine swoops in and carries them off over his shoulder was it something like that?

cptartapp Sun 06-Oct-19 09:26:29

Two boys ended up scrapping at DS1 sixth birthday party at soft play. One ended up with big red scratched welts all down his face. Lots of tears. All the kids distressed. That was fun.

Ohyesiam Sun 06-Oct-19 09:27:26

Oh love, you’ve got mum imposter syndrome, I remember it well.

Non of that was your fault. The whole rsvp and sibling thing is a nightmare. They can’t expect their kids to be catered for if you didn’t know they were coming.

Toastymash Sun 06-Oct-19 09:27:34

People turning up having my RSVPed, or not even being invited in the first place, is very rude. They should feel bad, not you.

I really wouldn't worry about people judging you. People tend to be so focused on their own child's behaviour that they don't worry much about things like how many chairs there were or who spilled a drink. The ones who are judgemental are in the minority.

EasyLifer Sun 06-Oct-19 09:28:55

Please don't stress over this. They go to so many parties at this age, probably all at the same venue, so they all blend into one in parents minds. Nobody will remember what happened at which party.

Maniak Sun 06-Oct-19 09:29:00

The only time I ever judged a Mum badly for a party, she asked for money instead of presents, then had NO food or drink for anyone in 3 hours, and there was a breastfeeding Mum who ended up going down the shop to eat something. She just left the doors open and kids were running in and out no supervision or organisation of any kind. There were about 50 kids there. THEN she tried a second birthday for the same child six months later!

FlipFlopChipShop Sun 06-Oct-19 09:29:14

One party entertainer I saw didn't get people out in games, he said he was making a mental note of who was out and at the end declared the winner as X. Worked really well, everyone got to join in the whole game without tears.

bookwormsforever Sun 06-Oct-19 09:29:27

How rude people are, to turn up without rsvping! They should feel bad, not you!

legoninjago1 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:29:52

Oh don't worry, honestly. I've been to some really crap kids' parties and i can remember the parties but I'd have to rack my brains to remember who threw them! Move on! smile

anyoneseenmykeys Sun 06-Oct-19 09:29:59

You are just unlucky to have guests so rude.
No one else will think much about a kids party - as long as their kid is happy, who cares. They are just lucky to be invited to various and different things.

Not enough party bags for people who didn't RSVP? GOOD.
ALWAYS name the party bag, always! So you are sure they go to the right person.
and siblings don't usually get one anyway, unless there are spare.

The worst parties I have heard of, for the host, were house parties. That's why I swore I would never ever host a birthday party in my home ever. Everything else is not worth stressing over.

Just think that the only bad party would be one where no one turns up. Your child would be distraught. As long as they had a good party, you are good - and it's not uncommon that the birthday child injures himself, I know a little boy who had to go to A&E for stitches and came back just in time for his own cake !

QueSera Sun 06-Oct-19 09:30:55

Sounds like a very standard kids birthday party to me OP! Well done for organising it, well done for doing it, and well done for surviving it - that's the best we can hope for!
Seriously - it sounds lovely, all the aspects you describe are normal. You did a great job.
I learn something every year when I do DC's birthday parties (which I absolutely DREAD) - chase up all non-responders, ask about siblings, have extra food and party bags etc. And know that some people just like to complain. If you have the money (or do joint parties with another child or two) you can do things to relieve some of the strain on you - hire entertainers/disco, have the party somewhere where the venue provides all the food (eg softplay, laserquest, trampoline park, football ground etc).

Rachelover60 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:31:13

Kids' parties are often chaotic.

Why were parents there? I never attended a childrens' party when mine was young and no adults attended mine unless they were there to help.

You can't please everybody, the important thing is that most enjoyed themselves. I'm sure it was fine, you can't please all the people all of the time.

I do think it's cheeky if kids bring siblings, never come across that.

SuitedandBooted Sun 06-Oct-19 09:32:20

Don't worry, they are always chaos at that age. I bet your LO enjoyed it anyway, and that's all that matters.

It will be forgotten very quickly, but if anyone DOES mention it at school this week, I might feel the need to say something like " George loved it, but having 10 unexpected children made things a bit of a challenge, I wish people bothered to reply to invitations".(big smile, jokey tone smile)

AllFourOfThem Sun 06-Oct-19 09:35:54

As long as your child had fun. That’s the important bit.

I’d prepare a few replies for tomorrow in case she are worrying about comments on the school pick up/drop off and say the unexpected extra children, which was probably 1/3 of the total guests, put a massive strain on things and you’re sorry if that caused problems for them but you didn’t want to turn them away although perhaps in hindsight you should have done.

Pud2 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:35:57

People are ridiculous. Why on earth would someone complain that their child had juice instead of water in these circumstances? So inappropriate and unnecessary.

Fairylightsandwine Sun 06-Oct-19 09:37:09

Some of these are so funny grin and exactly what I needed to hear so thank you for that. We went to a fair few 4 year old birthdays last year and they all just seemed to run so much smoother than mine. The kids had a great time I think and DS loved it but I just felt so embarrassed and under prepared even though I thought I’d got it all sorted! Like I said, it just felt very shambolic and I seemed to spend a lot of time apologising for various things. But hey, at least none of them lost a finger grin

catyrosetom2 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:37:54

I’ve done some ‘awful’ parties, but probably only I thought that.

There was the one where the CD player didn’t work and also I couldn’t see which child had got a turn on pass the parcel so had to guess and had forlorn children staring at me.

The one where I did for toddlers for two hours, and half an hour was them hanging around looking bored as I had run out of things for them to do.

The one where a mum left her ADHD child in my charge (there were 25 other children), and he tried to wreck the sound system of the entertainer, and I had to physically remove him, then worried for a week that his mum was going to punch me in he playground for manhandling him!

The one where a child almost drowned. (That one probably tops it for me).

This is why I do soft play parties now!

If you want to you could give the 7 party bags belatedly in school saying “sorry, didn’t realise they were coming” but IMO they should have replied.

The siblings should have been firmly told by their parents not to eat any food (or expect a party bag). Very rude of them and not your fault.

Don’t worry too much, just breeze it off.

Babybel90 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:38:56

I thought you were going to say no one turned up!

It sounds fine to me, but I would have made a big show of saying “well 10 people didn’t RSVP so there aren’t enough party bags” and rolling my eyes at them. I always do three extra party bags just in case but 10 is taking the piss.

greathat Sun 06-Oct-19 09:39:49

I took to doing soft play parties. £11 a head everything included except the cake

Perunatop Sun 06-Oct-19 09:39:59

It will not have been the worst and as long as your DC had fun that is all that matters. TBH i think having more turn up than expected is probably preferable to having too few turn up.

Loveoddthings Sun 06-Oct-19 09:40:12

*The only time I ever judged a Mum badly for a party, she asked for money instead of presents, then had NO food or drink for anyone in 3 hours, and there was a breastfeeding Mum who ended up going down the shop to eat something*

A children’s party? Why would the adults expect to be fed?

Straycatstrut Sun 06-Oct-19 09:41:12

I'm definitely booking softplay and kids entertainers for mine, both boys birthday in the summer now & I'm saving! Well done you for trying to take on 20 odd kids and keep them fed/amused for an hour & a half, I could not do it!

I can't believe people turn up without RSVPing! Cfers. (unless they think they did, got the number wrong etc - I triple check grin ) I RSVP the same day I get the invite, unless I'm waiting to see if the party clashes with anything, can get childcare for other DS (I'd never turn up with his brother!)

Really hope the birthday boy had fun and wasn't aware of the chaos! wine

Thople Sun 06-Oct-19 09:41:23

You DC enjoying it is the main thing. Kids parties are always challenging! Big tip I learnt the hard way is don't do games where they get 'out' until they are older. It just causes upset and kids end up crying.

The sibling thing you need to specifically say - 'no siblings sorry' on the invite or loads turn up.

An RSVP by a certain date is also key. WhatsApp groups are good for this.

Lastly, always have extra party bags or don't do them at all, just do a ballon and cake. Naming them helps too!

Everyone is all over the place when they start school. Our first school class party was in a massive soft play that was open to the public. Nobody knew who was who or if a child was in their class but it was nice to be invited!

twilightcafe Sun 06-Oct-19 09:41:40

All the mums you want to befriends with will be there for you .

This. With bells on.

ChainGang Sun 06-Oct-19 09:42:45

Aggressive musical statues?! grin I'm sorry that made me laugh.

The people who just turned up with extra siblings were very rude and the other parents moaning sound like hard work.

I'd just chalk it up to experience and don't do a whole class party again. Just invite a select few.

karayza Sun 06-Oct-19 09:44:19

I was thinking about holding a small birthday party at home for my soon to be 3 year old - but after all these comments I think I might leave off for another few years and just let her have a few friends go to Soft Play instead! 🤣

ScreamingLadySutch Sun 06-Oct-19 09:44:28

Don't worry! I doubt the children noticed and I bet they loved it.
Its a learning curve, next year will be better

I also ditched party bags.

Your games sound wonderful and I bet they liked that the most.
Children love pass the parcel and musical chairs, pin the tail, duck duck goose and all the old games, you don't even need a bouncy castle.

If you are near a park and can rope in some teenagers to help oversee, a treasure hunt with clues also goes down well from 8 onwards.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Sun 06-Oct-19 09:44:50

Little kids parties always look like chaos to adults but the kids enjoy it.

But it’s a rookie mistake not to assume that a dozen bloody non RSVPs will rock up with assorted siblings. Worse if it’s a kids play centre where you have to pay entry fee for them!

Hell, we even had a much older child (about 9) at our 2 year olds birthday party and noone seemed to know who she was. Turned out she was a nanny’s other ward but she was sweet and helped give out the party bags.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 06-Oct-19 09:46:13

You poor love. Parties get easier the more you do and I think everyone feels their first is a bit chaotic

itsgettingweird Sun 06-Oct-19 09:48:21

You feel guilty about coffee - but the parent didn't blame you.

Musical chairs dad is the father of a snowflake- you'll get use to meeting them!

RSVP kids were rude as were siblings.
I'd have made 2/3 bags extra but in that case I'd have just said "didn't know you were coming" "x (sibling) wasn't invited so I didn't do a bag"

The most important thing is your ds had a good time with his friends. (And remember leisure centre and soft play parties exist for a reason wink)

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Sun 06-Oct-19 09:49:50

And the rule is - there is always at least one child who has always been ‘allowed’ to win every game at home so is surprised to discover that they don’t win everything (or get the prize every time at pass the parcel). That’s all on the parents, not you!

WalkofShame Sun 06-Oct-19 09:50:32

Bloody hell, those people sound awful. I don’t think it was your party that was the issue, I think it was the guests.

Put it behind you and thank the universe that you don’t have to live in their heads.

ImAShowPony Sun 06-Oct-19 09:51:27

My friend's party for her child was a disaster! one child burst out of the venue via the fire exit. All the others ran after him. Into the CAR PARK. It took ages to round them all up and it was genuinely dangerous,
It was so stressy at the time but we laugh about it now.
Your actual party sounds great. It's the parents who sound ghastly- especially those who arrived without RSVPing, or with uninvited siblings. That is the height of CFery.

ThomasRichard Sun 06-Oct-19 09:52:25

Don’t worry about it. I’ve had parties where:

- I hired a ‘princess’ to run the whole thing. DD was excited in the run-up but then refused to join in with anything and sat on my lap in a distant corner for the whole party. A few years later she asked if we can do it again hmm

- I invited 30 children, had 3 children RSVP, then after chasing about 5. 10 actually arrived. DS had an excellent time.

- DD’s father was bringing her and she arrived, late, to a location 30 minutes away from where the party was being held. I cried. She arrived an hour late to her own party.

I no longer do birthday parties. People are so rude. Just reply yes or no, it isn’t hard.

aweedropofsancerre Sun 06-Oct-19 09:53:39

I hated the full class birthday parties. So pleased when it was friends only from around 7! At one party they lost my DD at a cinema. I was anxious about leaving her as I had a new baby and asked if I should come with them but as they were at the cinema they had enough adults and would all be going in shortly. I left and came back within ten minutes as I felt uncomfortable and they were all still there but my DD wasn’t. Turns out after a rush around the cinema that her and another friend had wandered into another film following a crowd. No one noticed needless to say I lost it as did the other parent who had also been told there was enough adults, any party I did going forward involved the kids all having stickers and me doing a head count regularly! I was used to the folks who don’t RSVP ( bloody irritating) but I stopped with party bags as there usually full of junk and would buy a stack of books or something like that and hand them out instead. You will chill as your DC get older and you will have the joyous task of going to many parties......

Kanga83 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:55:01

Believe me it's absolutely fine! My daughters 5th was a bit like this and she loved it which is the main thing. Adults can take care of themselves. Extra siblings in my experience don't get party bags, and food is eaten at the sides/fitted wherever. My girls was bouncy castle and crafting, I felt it wasn't good enough but she declared it the best party ever and wants all again this year. Not a chance , I've told her 5 friends for Pizza Hut make your own pizza.

Wheeliestothecorner Sun 06-Oct-19 09:59:15

The children started a chant of 'we want fun, we want fun' for what seemed like ages grin

Balls to them OP, take all the pressies back to Tesco & exchange for Gin!

TSSDNCOP Sun 06-Oct-19 09:59:43

I have less issue with nonRSVP’s than I do with siblings. DS has several parties where a particular mother always shoe-horned her older child in. It’s been impossible to be gracious in that situation and after adding the child at great cost twice the actual friend of DS was no longer invited.

lovelygreenjumper Sun 06-Oct-19 10:01:25

Actually, it sounds like you did really well. DIY kids parties are always a bit shambolic (I think it's part of the charm, but mine are old enough that my glasses are slightly rose tinted now). I'm afraid they also seem to bring out the CF in some people- I've come across a few people who have even voiced the opinion that if it's 'just a few kids in a church hall' numbers aren't a big deal so no one minds whether you RSVP/take along a few siblings etc. (Strangely they are exactly the same people who then get very offended if anyone does the same to them).
I have 2 friends who didn't speak to each other for months after 'partygate'. Basically, A was trying to hold the most carefully planned, themed party ever- with individually named and chosen cakes/gifts/prizes etc for each child. B ignored all messages about the party then texted the morning of the party to say that she would be bringing the invited child plus 2 siblings. A said sorry it's too late and explained about party bags etc. B said she'd still come but bring her own prizes etc for her DC. A rearranged what she had/made more cakes etc to accommodate B then B didn't show up (she texted after the party to say one of the DC had been sick). Things are still tense between them 6 years on!

TSSDNCOP Sun 06-Oct-19 10:01:38

Kanga DH maintains that the Pizza Hut party was the worst he ever took DS to. I had accurately predicted that and enjoyed his increasingly furious texts from my lovely lunch date.

Straycatstrut Sun 06-Oct-19 10:02:34

Worse if it’s a kids play centre where you have to pay entry fee for them! I'd down right refuse to pay them in if they hadn't RSVP'd, and I most definitely wouldn't pay in a sibling.

My 3 year old has 2 softplay parties coming up this month, and his 7 year old brother wanted me to pay him in too. I've told him no, and asked him if he'd like his little brother gatecrashing one of his! (firm NO grin ) Not sure if the party DC's parents have rented out the places either, not quite sure how it works yet.

ballsdeep Sun 06-Oct-19 10:02:45

It's not your fault. The cheeky bastards who turned up with siblings and without rsvping don't help these situations

Rockbird Sun 06-Oct-19 10:03:32

Yep, at one of DD1's parties we had two uninvited siblings turn up, one of whom tried to sit in DD1's seat and the other sat where dd2 was supposed to be. When challenged, the mum said it didn't matter because dd2 was only a baby so wouldn't care. (She was two and super excited about the party) Kid refused to move, mum refused to move her. Without getting physical there wasn't a lot I could do, I was livid.

Orangecake123 Sun 06-Oct-19 10:05:34

OP you did a fab job.

7 non RSVPS and siblings on top- what CF's.

littlestrawby Sun 06-Oct-19 10:06:55

Bless you, that's the kind of thing that would play on my mind as well despite knowing as a third party that it shouldn't! You sound like you did a great job. I bet your son thinks you're a superhero for throwing him such a fun party thanks

Candymay Sun 06-Oct-19 10:07:15

You’ve got so many lovely responses here. So positive and kind. When I read your post it made me all anxious inside and I was saying to myself- you see? That’s why I don’t do parties often!- but actually reading the comments I realise that it’s difficult for the host but actually if the children enjoy it it’s fine and that’s what counts.

Hopefully you’ll forget the bad bits (unless you are a bitter person like me and remember every time anyone has ever taken advantage of you but that’s another story). Enjoy your Sunday and have a big pat on the back for hosting such a lovely party.

Ellie56 Sun 06-Oct-19 10:11:18

No of course it doesn't matter. It's not your fault so many rude entitled people turned up!

Whatnameisgood Sun 06-Oct-19 10:11:52

I would put money on the vast majority of parents not thinking badly of you at all! Some would have just been glad it wasn’t their own party to deal with, as you ran around sweating and if the mum who complained about the juice cared that much she should have just policed it herself. I’ll bet she didn’t even care much either. Maybe she’d had a bad day or is just a PIA, who knows. Either way, definitely nothing for you to worry about! It sounds like actually only 2 parents said anything negative (rude!) and I’ll bet to an outsider you looked like you were doing fine 👍

Hulahola Sun 06-Oct-19 10:12:34

It really doesn’t matter! They’ll have forgotten all about it come Monday morning! As long as your dc had a great birthday that’s all that matters!

boringisasboringdoes Sun 06-Oct-19 10:13:23

It's not you it's them

Nonnymum Sun 06-Oct-19 10:16:39

It sounds like a normal party for a 5 year old to be honest! Seriously don't worry, You went to a lot of trouble and wanted perfection but perfection never happens. I remember feeling similar after my DDs 6 year old party. But no one else felt the same, the children enjoyed it. and I bet no one else feels your party was a disaster either. People were very rude though not to RSVP and bring extra children without telling you but that's their fault not yours. . Pat yourself on the back for doing something lovely for your child and next year promise yourself you will get someone else to run the party so you can just relax!

Knittedfairies Sun 06-Oct-19 10:18:16

It sounds like a pretty standard party for children of that age to me.
Which reminds me: many years ago I was an infant teacher with 38 children in my class. The other infant class in this brand new school had about the same number of children. The head, in his wisdom, and with little knowledge of younger children, decided that we didn't need/couldn't have parents in to help with the Christmas party. He also decreed that it would save money and time to use paper plates; proper paper plates, not plastic-coated plates (long before plastic was demonised). The sight of the slow eaters and their ice cream as the plates disintegrated will stay with me.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Sun 06-Oct-19 10:19:24

OP you deserve a medal for coping with +10 unexpected kids! Well done, I hope your child had a lovely time.

After a few consecutive parties of the same chancers a few parents always bringing uninvited siblings to DD events (and they didn't just sit on the peripheral they got stuck in with food and party bags) I put my foot down. We did a party where fruit picking was involved and making their own lunch. These --cheeky fucker--s parents encouraged the sibling to grab a punnet and fill it with fruit then go and start helping themselves to lunch ingredients! I walked over with a breezy smile and cheerfullly reminded them I was happy for them to pay me the £10 cost each before they left. They were unimpressed and oddly, went very cold on me after that.

Shame grin

boringisasboringdoes Sun 06-Oct-19 10:21:27

Also given that no one remembers these things properly just style it out. Send thank you notes gushing about how amazing it was and how your dc has the best time with so many lovely friends blah blah.
Then people will start to remember it as true
Do NOT apologise for it or explain about the extra guests and don't bitch about all the CFers except to your very closest friends.

Sagradafamiliar Sun 06-Oct-19 10:22:08

No adult enjoys kids parties, let alone the organiser. The parents wouldn't have noticed anything you think they did, they'll have been busy secretly clock watching until it was time to leave (nothing personal to you!)
I have to say you had some bad luck with arsey, rude parents and entitled ones. Do you really want to be friends with these people?
Just breathe a sigh of relief it's over.

megletthesecond Sun 06-Oct-19 10:26:53

Don't worry. It's the non RSVPers who are at fault. But you only realise this in year R.
I stopped inviting most of those kids after the first round of parties. The only one of them that DS stayed friends with never RSVP'd throughout primary school. I just allocated his space and knew he'd appear at some point 🙄.

MinTheMinx Sun 06-Oct-19 10:32:04

Ah it must be awful 'having' to invite people you don't know! So much pressure! When my DD was this age (early 2000s) it was the norm to only invite close friends rather than the entire class, and not RSVP-ing was unheard of. God I feel old!

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