Massive parenting fail

[MonstranceClock]

I got called into school today because my 5 year old called her teacher “lame”.

Turns out 2 weeks ago while I was bed bound sick, she had binge watched an entire series of South Park on Netflix. Luckily teacher saw the funny side but I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! Any one else want to cheer me up with their parenting fails?!

[Jinglejanglefish]

If all she got from South park was 'lame' you are very lucky!

[MonstranceClock]

I know! Well, unless something else comes out of her mouth. The way she says it, she even sounds like Cartman 🤦🏻‍♀️

[OctopusNow]

Surprised she's not matching round the playground shouting "Respect my authority!"

Just hope she didn't reach the Uncle Fucker episode, it's a catchy song...!

[DoctorAllcome]

How is “lame” a fail?
I came home one day and my 3yr old lounging on the sofa has just watched Swiper take the Map from Dora the Explorer. She stops sipping on her sippy cup in shock and utters “That’s fucked up”

[Sicario]

Excellent use of language and interpretation by your daughter. She's clearly a smart kid.

[Worlds0kayestmum]

My 2 year old shouted 'prick!' when Jeremy Corbyn was on TV the other day (I blame his father 😂) and shouts 'oh God' at any tiny inconvenience (that one's on me lol)

I was driving with my then 6 year old DD when a woman cut me up, I may have uttered a choice phrase or two forgetting about my DD in the back until she piped up with 'she was a silly old wombat, wasn't she, Mummy? Or a dickhead'... 😂 😂

[MonstranceClock]

At least it wasn’t “indecent rectal semen splooge”

[Tobebythesea]

When I’m driving I sometimes forget that my DD is in the back and say the f word when there are bad drivers. Unfortunately my DD has said this a few times and I’m trying to be a lot more careful.

[MonstranceClock]

All of my daughters swear words and insults have been learnt in the car

[SimonJT]

My four year old is doing a british wildlife topic in reception, the teacher showed the class a pigeon, my son put his hand and very confidently informed the class that it was a “fucking pigeon”, I can’t blame that on a tv show!

It happens, don’t worry.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Ach. It happens, I wouldn't worry.
Once when taking Gran home, the car, which was on it's way out to be fair, started spluttering and juddering. 3 year old pipes up from his back seat "see this fuckin' car!"

[mbosnz]

I remember my daughter saying, 'look Mummy, I'm Daddy driving! Brum, brum, BLOODY HELL, brum, brum, BLOODY HELL!'

Thank God she never mimicked Mummy driving. The language would have been a lot worse. . .

[Lllot5]

Was at a wedding once. The bride arrived in a horse and carriage and it did a massive pooh ( the horse not the bride)
Oh look said my 3 year old daughter that horse just did a big shit.

[Mintjulia]

You have to see the funny side.

My 6 yo airily told the vicar at his church primary that God din’t exist and heaven was invented to reassure people who were going to die soon.

[HJWT]

DD said before - go down FUCKING stairs... she is 3 🤦🏻‍♀️ DH is being kicked out 😂😂😂

[marvellousnightforamooncup]

"you're a boner biting bastard uncle fucker..."

[StormcloakNord]

Hahaha these have made me laugh.

My 5yo DD says some choice words and I always have to remind myself to tell her off not laugh & encourage it

[theendoftheendoftheend]

I'm suprised they called you in for that tbh

[confusedandemployed]

Out for birthday dinner last week. Everyone except 6yo DD had finished, all waiting for pudding. I said to DD, "Come on now eat up, everyone's waiting for you!"

She replies, "OK, I'm eating I'm eating....[then adds sotto voce...] You bitch..."

DSis and I snorted wine through our noses and couldn't stop laughing. Just hlthe way she said it.

I did compose myself sufficiently to explain why she shouldn't say that eventually.

[hazandduck]

On holiday, accidentally knocked over a beer this afternoon. Didn’t realise DD (22 months) was behind me and just said “oh shit.”

Looked round and there she was and said “oh Mummy, in a really judging tone. 🙈😂 It was sooo hard not to laugh and I just kept saying “mummy spilt, mummy spilt!” to try and damage control!

[hazandduck]

*That should say “ooh Mummy, shiittt!”

[Daylar]

I put Futurama on for my 4 year old. Totally tuned out. Until around halfway through. Phone my dh in fits of giggles that I've introduced our kid to "death by snoosnoo" he nearly peed himself laughing

[Kenram]

My 6 year old son told his teacher he didn't care about school when she asked him to stop talking to his friends during focus time.

[mbosnz]

I've just remembered Mum telling me about my christening. She didn't get around to it until I was three (I was the late, unplanned, really not wanted, been there, done that baby). Bet she regretted that.

Apparently I farted all the way up to the christening font, and then swore like a trooper all the way through the baptismal ceremony.

I was, she informs me, a horrible child. I can see why she'd see that.

[Stravapalava]

My DH dropped something and said "oh fuck!". Solemn 2 year old DD behind him informed him "it's not oh fuck Daddy, it's for fuck's sake"! We've tried not to swear since!