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How to handle this gift situation

(6 Posts)
Hmmmbop Wed 11-Sep-19 12:04:37

Normally if I receive a gift I accept it, say thank you, look pleased and write a thank you note. Regardless of whether I like or want it. It's polite and what you do.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I think DH has bought me a new phone. Mine broke a while ago and I've been using his old one. I'm not keen on it but it suits my needs and is technically better than my original one. He has no need for it, doesn't want it back etc.

I don't want a new phone. It's £300ish (possibly more) money that could be spent on things I actually want (I would never spend that on a phone!).

If it is what he's got me how do I turn it down gratiously? Id honestly prefer he didn't buy me anything.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 11-Sep-19 12:08:25

I don't think I believe that you can turn it down graciously. I think it'd always hurt the giver... and you have to use your best knowledge of them to understand if they'd rather know even if it hurts or if you graciously accept because he meant well and thought you'd like it.

Soola Wed 11-Sep-19 12:09:16

Tell the truth.

Darling, it’s a lovely gift but I’ve got used to your old phone and love using it.

Could you swap it for handbag/shoes/piece of jewellery etc please?

BarbaraofSeville Wed 11-Sep-19 13:01:20

That's the problem with expensive gifts combined with no-one being honest for the sake of politeness.

Money gets wasted on things people don't want, they go without things they do want and the situation continues because no-one ever says anything for fear of being considered rude/ungrateful or hurting feelings.

Which makes no sense whatsoever. It's probably down to him liking expensive phones and not realising that you'd rather have £300 of something else, but only you know how your DH would react to you saying what Soola suggests.

Could you agree to swap the phone, if indeed that is what he's got you, but saying that, last time I tried to return a phone, they wouldn't do a refund because I'd opened the box, so if you do want to return it, don't open the box and agree to only buy each other token presents in future?

Then you can freely spend your own money on things for yourself that you do want and no-one has to get in a great knot about choosing the right Christmas and birthday presents, because you just buy each other gin and biscuits or whatever little tokens you know each other likes.

Hmmmbop Wed 11-Sep-19 15:27:03

BarbaraofSeville we do generally just do token gifts, but unless we stipulate it before hand (our birthdays are close) then he usually buys something expensive. He's thoughtful, kind and generous, just often wide of the mark!

I think Soolas idea is good and would work.

Nonmerci Wed 11-Sep-19 15:33:16

Well, since it’s your husband and not some distant acquaintance I would just be honest. I’d imagine he won’t be too upset or offended.

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