I am trying not to cry

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

We are in holiday with MIL, DH's stepdad and their 3 teenagers. We are me, DH and DS (a year old).

His stepdad's treatment of the teenagers is so so different to how he treats DH. DH went off the rails as a teenager and it's so obvious why. It's just so upsetting to watch.

[TalkToMeAboutSocialWorkPlease]

In what sense?

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

He is so warm with them, so overly kind. I havent heard him say anything nice to DH since we have been here.
So much talk of what they are going to do for their 18 year old when he goes to university. So much talk of when they move they will make sure the 3 have their own room.
DH moved out when he was 16 - hardly surprising when u think he and his sister were expected to alternate sharing their bedroom with 3 under 2s.

We are going out tonight, just DH and I. It's the 2nd time we have managed it in 11 months. We cant get a taxi back as there are non available. It's an unlit country path. Stepdad wont come and pick us up- it's only a 5 minute drive. Seems harsh given he will happily ferry the others.

We were talking about moving to the states. He said 'well no one will be arsed to come and see u'.
When one of the others suggested it he is talking about how we would have to go over as he couldn't be away from his children.

He joked about punching my baby in the face.

We were late coming back today, DS was hungry as it was past his dinner time, stepdad asked if we could hang on as he wanted to let his teenager drive his car round a field

I don't care if this outs me. I'm so fed up and it's so upsetting.

[minibroncs]

He joked about punching my baby in the face.

He did what? How is that casually thrown in there as if it's something to shrug off and ignore?

[SayNoToCarrots]

Why does your husband stay in contact with this man?

[namechangedasscared]

Why on earth have you gone on holiday with these people?

[WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps]

So he's just an out and out knobhead basically, not really how he is with his biological children? Tell him to piss off.

[AlwaysCheddar]

Move to USA and forget about them.

[minibroncs]

What's perhaps even sadder is that by the sounds of it your husband's mother has sat by and allowed this man to mistreat her child for years and continues to sit by and allow it to happen.

[MonChatEstMagnifique]

Honestly.....get yourselves home and don't bother with this man again. He sounds awful.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

DH is just so used to it. He says that they have been treated very unfairly but has just accepted it.

I'm so upset with his mother, that she just stands by and lets it happen.

I don't think anybody heard the 'punch in the face' joke.

We came away with them because MIL wanted to spend more time with DS and because we hoped MIL might take DS a little and give us a bit of a break. Obviously I very much regret this decision.

[Sorrysorrysosorry]

We were talking about moving to the states. He said 'well no one will be arsed to come and see u'

Sounds great, you wouldn’t have to see him again. Why on earth do you go on holiday with this man? Does MIL not say anything? Awful. Poor DH.

[Sorrysorrysosorry]

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[Brittany2019]

Hé joked about punching your baby in the face???

Honestly, never see this cunt again.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

Nope. MIL just sits there and simpers.

I want to pack up, give them all some.fucking home truths and never seeing them again. But it isnt my place is it. Its DH's place. And if he is ok with it then it isnt fair of me to say it. These are my feelings, not his.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

I worry I misheard the punching in the face comment, I dont think I did but I wouldn't want the judgement of him to hang on that alone.

[Brittany2019]

I’m so sorry for your DH, and you by extension, btw. What a truly horrible person, and your MIL is a shit as well.

[Dippypippy1980]

Can you check into a different hotel for the rest of the stay?

Sounds dreadful.

What is your husband’s relationship like with his brothers? Doesn’t he hang around to be close to them, despite his crap mother and awful step dad?

[ineedaholidaynow]

Is DH's dad on the scene?

Does DH say anything to his mum about the stepdad's behaviour?

[Brittany2019]

I don’t know, Puppy. Your DH seems to have normalised this horrible treatment of him. Maybe he needs you to say, «no, this isn’t ok» to appreciate how truly awful they are.

[namechangedasscared]

To be honest if I were you I would TELL your DH that you and your son are going home, and he's welcome to join you. Tell him/them you will not stand by whilst his stepdad treats him like shit & makes comments like that directed at your child.

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming that is the in-laws paid for this holiday, you owe them nothing.

If your husband is willing to stay there, that's up to him. But if it's upsetting you (if clearly is), don't put up with it. They will never see the issue if you don't point it out!

[minibroncs]

Generally people only consciously accept being treated badly in the way your husband has when they feel shit about themselves and don't think they deserve any better. What does he gain from these interactions?

"Accepting" being treated badly by people who are supposed to care for you isn't healthy. It's also a pretty terrible thing to model to his son as normal.

[vampirethriller]

Fucking hell fire. Move to the USA and don't look back. What a pair of bastards.

[ineedaholidaynow]

I assume when the teenagers end up having children your DS will be treated differently too.

I would be bringing up the 'punching in the face thing', wouldn't care if that caused an atmosphere, no-one should say anything like that about baby, even if 'joking'.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

I've tried to say it isnt normal. DH accepts this but he is of the mindset that it doesn't really make any difference so why raise it...

He gets on with his siblings, he would never really entertain the idea of not seeing them - he wouldn't demand to, he would just like to.

His father walked out when he was 6, he has been a very unstable presence. He acknowledges that the stepdad basically brought DH up so certainly wouldn't want to criticise him.

The teenagers are good kids but utterly indulged. MIL rinsed DH's mouth out with soap for swearing when he was younger. The idea of any of them being punished for anything is quite laughable.

[minibroncs]

I wouldn't want the judgement of him to hang on that alone.

Don't worry, it's not.

Your husband has had being abused normalised since he was a child. The adults in his life didn't point out how wrong it was. Has anybody ever done that for him explicitly?

He needs you to make it clear to him how abnormal and unacceptable this is and that you don't want your child growing up thinking it's normal to be mistreated by people, esp those meant to care for you.