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I’ve fallen out with my sister

(18 Posts)
helenmelon1 Wed 14-Aug-19 07:47:41

Today 07:44 helenmelon1

I’ve fallen out with my older sister. I don’t think I can talk to her ever again. She’s always been vile to me, jealous of me and wants to be the centre of attention. That means that she would put me down at every opportunity, so I would stay quiet or go home and then she could carry on. She’s also always been embarrassing about putting her husband down.
Earlier in the year we went to a concert, her, me and mum. We all got really drink in a restaurant beforehand. The other reason why I don’t like her so much, is she doesn’t bother with my kids. She only bothers with my younger sisters ‘girls.’ For a few years or more she’s not bothered turning up to my sons birthdays. With gifts, he would get sent something cheap that had no care in it. My nieces would get something nice, costs more and nicely wrapped. The kids are all under ten.
During this meal my kids face timed me. I’d asked them to make sure they called during bath time, so I knew he was out safe. He was with my daughter who is nearly 21. The call was 42 seconds long. As I put the phone down, she shouted how rude it was and how I’d bothered other diners. I hit back at her and said ‘Do not tell me when my kids can call me or not!’ I was angry and told her it was none of her business. She stormed out of the restaurant.
During the concert I wasn’t interested in the supporting act, so I sat down, but started to face time one of the songs to the kids. She started shouting for me to get off my phone. I shouted back and told her to leave me alone. She said ‘if you carry on I’ll throw your phone in the audience!’ I’m 49 and she’s 52! A scene erupted at the hotel. I went berserk. She said some really nasty thing and I did back and I told her she’ll never see me again. Because I was drunk I posted the event on FB. In the morning I took it off, but people had seen it. That was March and I’ve not seen her since and my younger sister hasn’t bothered with us either.
I see her posts in FB showing every family event, with the nieces, calling it ‘Happy family times’ etc. She’s taking them away to London next week with my mum. My mums cancelled childcare for my son and I’m at work. My little boy has never been away. We’re a single parent family and skint. My mum is going abroad with my nieces in a few weeks ‘again.’ I’ve got no childcare and might have to call in work sick risking my job. My son could have gone with them? For his birthday a few months ago she didn’t make contact with him. She sent him a crappy £10 in a card. My nieces had a birthday sleepover. They all had a great time, but my mum has since told me they didn’t like the way my son talked to me and don’t want to stay here again. He doesn’t have a dad he sees and now lost family too. He was just over excited on his birthday.
I’ve told my mum I can’t believe she’s cut him out, even further than he already was. My mum wonders what I can expect, since ‘the argument was ‘my fault.’ I really don’t ever want to talk to her again or her husband who I always defended. He didn’t even pick up the phone on my sons ‘his nephews!’ birthday.
AIBU?

helenmelon1 Wed 14-Aug-19 07:56:49

P.S I know the FB posts are to rub it in with me. I’m the wounded party. I was just minding my own business at the concert, not bothering anyone, was in good spirits until she brought me down and I’ve taken so much off her my whole life, that enough was enough. She wouldn’t have dreamt of telling my sister she couldn’t talk to her kids. I’d also accidentally knocked her beer over that was under my chair. She was shouting about how I’d done that and ruined the programme next to it. All of that was why I hit the roof. I want to move away and start again. I’m depressed and tearful each day. Speaking to her again won’t make me better. She’s not a nice person. I’m disappointed. I don’t think I’m wrong? My friends who have seen this all our lives don’t either

Sicario Wed 14-Aug-19 07:58:04

What do you want to do about this? Do you want to have a relationship with her or not?

Some family relationships are more trouble than they're worth. Perhaps best to go low contact/no contact and move on. Can you find alternative childcare? Again, this will help you to extricate from the unhealthy family relationship.

My own sister is a nightmare from hell and I am very glad to have cut her out of my life.

Awrite Wed 14-Aug-19 08:01:08

I would stay away from her. She seems to have a very negative impact on you.

I also think that your mother turning her back on your son is unforgivable.

Please stay away from FB.

IAskTooManyQuestions Wed 14-Aug-19 08:09:25

Why do you have negative people on your face book ? Cull them.

Sadly, child care is not your mothers issue, it;s yours - you need to be organised with holiday clubs.

You all sound utterly juvenile

billybagpuss Wed 14-Aug-19 08:11:03

I think the incident in March was 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other, but there is clearly a dynamic between you and your sister that doesn’t work. I agree with pp that you should stay off fb. You know it’s going on so don’t put yourself through it.

Concentrate on your family and let them come to you if/when they want to.

DoesThisLookRight Wed 14-Aug-19 08:15:13

It does sound as if you were pretty rude on the night out - it’s one thing sending a quick text to check kids are ok but FaceTiming in a restaurant is incredibly rude. Also doing the same in a concert and then knocking over a beer would make me pretty irritated if you weren’t apologetic at the time. It sounds like she massively overreacted at the time though. If a family member then posted about an argument on FB it would take an awful lot of grovelling for me to be friendly with them again.

If you want a relationship with them you need to apologise, whether you think you were in the wrong or not. If you don’t, then don’t apologise. It’s awful to be cut off but you’re the only one that can fix this, they don’t seem interested.

Nextphonewontbesamsung Wed 14-Aug-19 08:19:42

It looks more like your sister has fallen out with you. Probably not such a good idea for two middle aged women to get drunk in a restaurant before a concert, in hindsight.

Have you apologised for your part in the spectacle you made of yourselves in the restaurant/concert hall? It all sounds very toxic and an unhealthy family environment for all the kids involved sad

ShhhBeQuiet Wed 14-Aug-19 08:29:45

It does sound like you all behaved very badly. I think posting about it on Facebook was particularly bad. You also say you went 'berserk' at the concert which sounds scarey. She doesn't sound like she behaved well either though.
Have you considered a proper apology for your part in things.

ListenLinda Wed 14-Aug-19 08:36:40

You were both wrong. It sounds like if you want to fix it you’ll have to make the first move though.

mollibu Wed 14-Aug-19 08:37:13

FaceTiming in a restaurant is very rude in my opinion and it annoys other diners too. I don't want to hear someone else's FaceTime conversation while I'm trying to have a nice dinner out.

"Crappy £10 in a card" also stood out to me. I think that was uncalled for. She doesn't have to buy your DC anything but she put money in a card - it isn't crappy.

Cut your ties with both of them, it clearly isn't going to work out.

KnifeAngel Wed 14-Aug-19 08:40:24

You are both wrong. Facetiming in both if those situations was rude.

Also you can't be that hard up if you and your child have iPhones.

Adversecamber22 Wed 14-Aug-19 08:45:07

Sounds like a sort of self perpetuating drama. A petty fighting dynamic going back to childhood and sounds like none of you have grown up. The childcare issues is yours I’m afraid.

I think a lot of these lower level dramas in families are caused by boredom and a refusal to leave childhood squabbles behind. If you want to get away from the drama , be aware you are a contributor as well.

It is rude to FaceTime or be on a phone at the table in a restaurant and if I was next to you in a concert while you FaceTimed I would have been irritated. When my DS was a baby I would nip to the loo and make a quick call if I wanted to check up. She over reacts completely but you have bad manners. What did your DS say to upset your nieces?

HeyMonkey Wed 14-Aug-19 08:55:14

You all sound very dramatic, it's impossible to tell who has behaved worst.

Firstly facetiming in a restaurant and at a gig is rude, and does piss off other people. It would piss me off. You should have left the table.

Secondly, you were all drunk, you knocked over her beer and went berserk at her.

I'm struggling to see how you are the wronged party.

LIZS Wed 14-Aug-19 09:02:41

You all sound 15 not 50! How old is your ds? If your dd is 21 she was more than capable of supervising bedtime without facetiming you, a goodnight text would have sufficed. Who paid for the concert tickets? Sitting and facetiming during the support act was plain rude. Clearly you do not like them any more than they you, stop having expectations and making comparisons. Find alternative childcare.

Fudgenugget Wed 14-Aug-19 09:15:44

I think you are both as bad as each other.

The £10 in a card: at least she remembered. It's the thought, not the value.

Face timing at inappropriate times gets on my tits too.

Big jealousy issues here too. You should have sorted out these childish differences years ago.

My husband has no contact with his brother and tbf, it makes our lives so much easier without the posturing and one-upmanship. I send my bil's DC presents in the post on their birthdays and at Christmas because they are blameless of their dad and uncle's stupidity. But other than that, NC, bliss.

Flerkin Wed 14-Aug-19 09:16:55

I think you sound pathetic.

I am a single parent. Your mum isnt doig childcare because she is going on holiday.

Her life can not revolve around providing you childcare.

Your mum cant very well invite your son on every trip, and why would you want him going with the sister?

Or how would you pay for your son to go on holiday with your mum? Or are you expecting your mum to pay for that too.

The original incident sounds awful and you were really rude. You didnt need to face time to make sure tour child was out of the bath. It is rude to do that in restaurant.

Dont get me wrong. She doesnt sound great either. But the original incident sounds like you, drunk, really blew it all out of proportion.

DoesThisLookRight Wed 14-Aug-19 11:32:55

I don’t think OP’s coming bacl

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