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I am a boderline alcoholic... And I need help

(156 Posts)
freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:20:03

I will drink at any chance I get.

Regularly will have 2 bottles of wine with husband in one sitting. He buys 1 and I will know he's getting one and buy another.

I won't consider anything less than 13%

I actually found myself at the weekend, when being offered a courtesy drink by someone, considering whether i needed to go out again.

My husband has called me out on it when I said I might go out for wine with a friend in the week. I agreed this weekend that we would only drink at the weekend and limit it to 1 bottle of wine between us.

"So I just sit back and watch you turn into an alcoholic? Because that's what you're doing"

This is the sucker punch. Right there. And asking whether it is right for our DS' future.

I feel fucking awful. Its there. Black and white what my husband thinks ad feels.

What the fuck do I do?

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:25:38

it's good that you are facing up to it OP. could you phone up 0300 123 1110 (an alcohol helpline) who will be able to offer you some advice? all the best x

gower4 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:28:25

I don't understand your point about the courtesy drink?

MrsGrindah Mon 12-Aug-19 15:29:36

Is your husband drinking the same? Not that that makes it Ok , but I was wondering why he was pulling you up for it?

SupportingSally Mon 12-Aug-19 15:32:10

Regularly drinking a bottle of wine does sound excessive, as does the feeling that you "need" it but it's probably a habit more than an addiction. Do you have other ways to relax? Agreeing (broadly) to only drink at the weekend, and limiting that to one bottle, sounds fine. Adding in a drink with a friend once a week wouldn't be too drastic either. Perhaps your DH is overworrying... it is important for you to see friends without it becoming a big deal with your DH. Does he otherwise limit your autonomy or make you doubt your own judgment?

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:32:48

I don't understand your point about the courtesy drink?

I think OP meant that when she was offered a drink, she was wondering whether that would be enough alcohol or if she should go out afterwards and have another drink

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:33:17

I'm not really getting it either, how often do you drink? You've only mentioned a couple of bottles with your husband. How often do you do this?

Shannith Mon 12-Aug-19 15:33:24

Look up a local AA meeting. Go and share what you just have.

You will get nothing but support and empathy. AA does not make you an alcoholic, it's there for anyone concerned about their relationship with alcohol.

freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:34:14

@gower4 I called to see a neighbour. They asked did I want a beer. It was 3pm in the afternoon and if i didn't need to go out and drive again I would have taken it without a seconds thought.

I open bottles of wine and pour them so husband can't say drink it.

I "snuck" to the bar when we went out for lunch and bought extra beer saying I was going to the toilet. I'd already had wine and beer.

@MrsGrindah He has said to me numerous times "Just 1 bottle of wine tonight - not 2" and I will buy extra and pour it when he's upstairs so he doesn't know I've opened the next one. Then by the time he's realised there's only 1 glass each left.

I suppose as well, admitting and being frank, I will pour myself larger glasses than him then drink a bit so it looks even.

On Thursday we had a can of G&T each then a bottle of wine. Then I finished off about 250mls of gin between us.

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:34:32

I thought thr courtesy thing was would she need to drive, if not could have a drink.

freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:35:05

Does he otherwise limit your autonomy or make you doubt your own judgment? No. Never.

I would drink a bottle of wine a night to myself given the chance. And more.

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:35:58

Op, how much do you drink on average per week?

freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:36:27

I am looking to see if I can find some kind of online chat to do with alcohol. I can't find any... there was 1 but it is only open say 10-2 weekdays

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:36:59

I would drink a bottle of wine a night to myself given the chance. And more

But you don't. So how much do you drink?

sleepyhead Mon 12-Aug-19 15:37:00

Can you stop after one?

When your dh called you out when you said you were going out with a friend during the week was that because he knows you'll use that as an excuse to drink as much as possible?

Do you think you'll realistically be able to have one bottle at the weekend or are you already making plans to have another one stashed away "just in case".?

How does it make you feel, the thought of never drinking alcohol again? Annoyed? Panicky? Easy?

freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:38:43

@Bluntness100 Thursday night we had 2 bottles of wine and gin. Friday night we had 2 very large G&Ts each. Saturday 2 bottles of wine even though DH had said to not have a second. Last night 1 bottle but only because that's all we had in. This is between us.

And yes, DH drinks it too. But he would more than happily have nothing or a coffee. It's often me that instigates it/buys it etc

MrsGrindah Mon 12-Aug-19 15:39:08

Okay, well then yes love it does sound as if you need to take some control. I wouldn’t call you an alcoholic because I’m not qualified but I think you know that your behaviour isn’t healthy. It’s scary isn’t it? But you don’t have to keep going down that path. Can you have an honest talk with your husband as a start?

sleepyhead Mon 12-Aug-19 15:39:40

Ok, crossed posted.

So, you're lying about drinking, hiding alcohol, concealing how much you drink from your partner, making plans in advance to maximise how much alcohol you can have.

That's seriously disordered drinking. It doesn't matter how much it actually is in units, it's a really bad, dangerous relationship with alcohol.

user1474894224 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:39:52

There is a group on Mumsnet for alcohol support. Possibly ask for this message to be moved there.

stucknoue Mon 12-Aug-19 15:40:38

Drinking a couple of bottles between you once a week is not that excessive, it's the feeling you must, the compulsion that is the problem. If you can make a pact that only he buys wine for the next month, and weekday drinking is restricted to one glass and only for special reasons perhaps you can get the control back. The difference between having an alcohol problem and not isn't always the quantity.

Remember you are far from alone, probably 1/4 of the people I know are in a similar position.

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:40:51

So basically two to three bottles of wine a week?

That's not an alcoholic. Does your husband just not wish you to go out?

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:40:51

there is an online chat service here OP. they open again at 6pm and close at 9pm x

freezemembership Mon 12-Aug-19 15:41:00

Can you stop after one? If no more is available yes. If it is available then no.

When your dh called you out when you said you were going out with a friend during the week was that because he knows you'll use that as an excuse to drink as much as possible? I think in my heart of hearts he knows sharing a bottle means having 2 bottles between friend and I and not just having a few glasses.

Do you think you'll realistically be able to have one bottle at the weekend or are you already making plans to have another one stashed away "just in case".? I don't keep alcohol in the house. It's bought to be drunk.

How does it make you feel, the thought of never drinking alcohol again? Annoyed? Panicky? Easy? Fine. But then I think well that's boring and where else do I get to enjoy myself....

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:41:19

oh sorry they close at 4pm and reopen at 6pm, so if you go on now you should be able to talk to someone x

theemmadilemma Mon 12-Aug-19 15:41:52

Refer yourself to your GP who can help you self refer to your local addiction recovery service. You'll get counselling and support.

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