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Has a spiteful/ vengeful act bought you joy?

(126 Posts)
SpitefulOldBag Sun 04-Aug-19 21:53:49

I’m currently contemplating doing something pretty spiteful to someone who is making my life very difficult. My very sensible and rational dh is telling me that it won’t make me feel any better about the situation. I think it definitely will and even if it doesn’t make me feel better it certainly won’t make me feel worse.

Its an incredibly long and not very interesting story but this person is absolutely awful and I (so far at least) have done nothing at all to warrant her behaviour towards me.

SpitefulOldBag Sun 04-Aug-19 21:54:26


Anthorn Sun 04-Aug-19 21:57:31

Isn't there a phrase that says something like if you seek revenge then dig two graves? Sort of means that both parties feel worse. But I totally get you want to do something in return for the way you've been treated.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax Sun 04-Aug-19 21:57:46

I quite enjoy thinking of spiteful revenge but I’ve always been the “better” person which sometimes annoys the other more. I’ve been less helpful on occasion whilst still being professional and polite which gave me a tiny bit of bit of satisfaction....

Just not worth the unintended consequences in my opinion for most revenge

StumpyinSomerset Sun 04-Aug-19 21:58:17


It made me feel very small and ashamed of myself.

Never again,once was twice to often

SpitefulOldBag Sun 04-Aug-19 21:59:26

I’m getting very pissed off with being the better person though. Maybe I could do it but just a little bit? Then if I get a taste for it I could go for full on vengeance.

SemperIdem Sun 04-Aug-19 22:08:05

I think imagining doing something very petty is more satisfying than actually doing it. If you’re habitually the “bigger person” that suggests you’re a nicer will judge yourself for behaving in that way.

I’ve done it and honestly - it’s been nearly 10 years, I still get random flashes of utterly mortifying shame. Never again.

My imagination remains highly vengeful and petty though.

KnittedDinosaur Sun 04-Aug-19 22:09:37

Same as Stumpy with the added benefit of it being made public when I hadn’t made the asshole’s behaviour public so it backfiring on me with others too.

Now I keep my revenge fantasies in my head.

Clumzy Sun 04-Aug-19 22:09:49

I have a very horrible person in my life and I fantasise about slashing their tyres and/or telling the world about their most dirty, reputation smashing secret alllllll the time. I never would though, it's just not worth it. But god, I bet it would feel good! Might come back to bite you though.

Bumbags Sun 04-Aug-19 22:11:44

Could we have a few details so we can help with a more cunning plan?

Picklypickles Sun 04-Aug-19 22:39:05

Nope, all previous spiteful/vengeful acts have made me look like a nutter and the asshole that drove me to it getting to act the poor innocent victim with all the sympathy.

Herocomplex Sun 04-Aug-19 22:43:23

It’s never quite as satisfying as you imagine. I’ve succumbed on a few occasions and have felt twinges of guilt, which is unpleasant. Be careful.

fedup21 Sun 04-Aug-19 22:44:49

I wouldn’t.

More details might help though.

Soola Sun 04-Aug-19 22:48:36

Stupid things like cutting up clothes or supergluing car doors or writing ‘Cheat’ is rather pathetic.

Never ever make them feel they were worth your lowering yourself for.

However I am a great one for daydreaming, I believe if you picture some things happening in your mind as a video like daydream you can get a similar level of satisfaction in your mind!

I used to fantasise about spelling ‘YOU ARE A CUNT’ with weed killer in ten foot high letters on my last ex’s beautiful lawn that he spent hours cultivating so that when he got up and looked out of the window one morning he would be aghast at the sight!

Tittering quietly to yourself about such things but not actually doing them is cathartic enough for me.

Bastable Sun 04-Aug-19 22:49:56

I put an old enemy into a novel once, and derived great pleasure from reviews mentioning her complete awfulness. Subtly spiteful, I feel. I thoroughly recommend it.

Stompythedinosaur Sun 04-Aug-19 22:55:05

I have, and it made me feel good! I am totally unrepentant.

Redannie118 Sun 04-Aug-19 22:56:24

Yep. Ea and FA exh. The financial abuse was awful- he used money to control my whole life and by the time we seperated my credit rating was in the toilet as i had to take out loans and credit cards just to feed and clothe our children. When we split he moved out and refused to pay maintenance or anything towards joint mortgage. I put the house up for sale as coukd not afford the mortage alone and it soon sold. Was told it would take 3-4 months to complete so stopped paying mortgage. Made no difference to me as my credit footprint was shot to hell, but i knew his was pristine and he would go insane. House sold 4 months later as planned and i moved into house owned by family member who charged me rent but obvs didnt do a credit check. Ex tried to get a mortage for new swish house with OW and couldnt because of mortage defaults. Rang me screaming blue murder and i put the phone down still not at all sorry- fitting payback for 20 years of abuse !!!!

longhaulstress Sun 04-Aug-19 22:56:40

Me too I have been vengeful before, it made me feel much better and have no regrets at all.

Leftiefterson Sun 04-Aug-19 22:59:25

Nah, kill people will kindness instead.

boosterrooster Sun 04-Aug-19 23:00:50

It depends. We need to know what your plotting in order to decide if it's childish or not. Tell us!

Rystall Sun 04-Aug-19 23:03:27

Don’t do it OP. Just don’t. It won’t make you feel better. When they go low, you go high. It’s not about instant gratification. Life is a long game. Stay classy.

Asta19 Sun 04-Aug-19 23:13:13

I took revenge on an ex (he thoroughly deserved it) and it felt great! No one else was witness to it so I didn’t look bad to anyone. I also know 100% that it pissed him off and he would have been far happier if I’d played ball. So nope, no regrets here.

BizzzzyBee Sun 04-Aug-19 23:19:24

DH was an absolute dick to me once so I farted on his toothbrush. It brought me great joy.

IvanaPee Sun 04-Aug-19 23:23:26

It depends on what they did and what you’re planning to do.

Using your toothbrush < shagging your sister

Switching off someone’s alarm on a work day < hitting him with your car

It’s all relative!

MadameButterface Sun 04-Aug-19 23:27:38


Be positive, be patient, be petty

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