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Flatmate cant stand any noise

(71 Posts)
Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 10:15:53

Im sure someone will be along to accuse me of subletting so I’ll get tgat out of the way. Shes a flatmate/lodger as shes not on the contract. Large London flat rent hasn't gone up by more than £50 in 20 years. Its three bedrooms and the landlord doesnt care who lives here its left to me and Im the only one on the contract. Shes great when anything goes wrong but I involve her in as little as possible. Im not moving out its not an option for me.

Anyway theres three of us in three double bedrooms and the last one to move in four months ago its strange. For a start she told me she was a translator (shes Russian) which didnt matter to me but shes no such thing. She works strange hours as a waitress and pays a company £300 a month to train her to get companies seen on the internet 🤔 which means she talks to anyone that comes to do work in the flat to get them signed up the cat sitter, the poor cleaner and this morning the double glazing man. Its quite awkward.

However, the problem is noise. Its an old flat the doors squeak which is fixable but her temper is shocking. She flies through the flat and goes for the other (younger) flatmate for putting music on at the weekend/going in and out on the phone to her friends/ getting up during the night and lovking the bathroom door as the noise of the lock wakes her up. She doesnt do it to me so much. Her temper is vile she tip toes around around with headphones on then the next minute shes screaming. Ive never in all my years lived with anyone lije this. Ive made good friends over the years as flatmates tend to stay at least a year here.

She says the noise is making her suicidal, she’s completely paranoid thinks we are doing it on purpose. Ive asked her to make an appointment at the gp and she says its not until August. I dont buy that as she could go on a morning amd sit in thr waiting room. Ive done suicidal awareness at work and I have all the crisis phone numbers i dont know if I should ring them the next time she screams it? Or if just the fact that i say im ringing them might calm her down?

I dont like living in this atmosphere my poor cats have never heard people screaming before 😄

OP’s posts: |
WhatTheAbsoluteFuck Sun 28-Jul-19 10:17:41

Evict her?

Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 10:18:02

Sorry for the typos I'm trying to write quickly.

OP’s posts: |
Dowser Sun 28-Jul-19 10:18:19

Erm..can you get her to leave?

Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 10:18:36

How can i evict her in a calm way? Calm on her side.

OP’s posts: |
Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 10:19:37

It is a medical thing isnt it when people cant stand noise and yet people parting in the street doesnt bother her(busy road)

OP’s posts: |
MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 28-Jul-19 10:20:44

What WhatTheAbsoluteFuck said.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 28-Jul-19 10:21:30

How can i evict her in a calm way? Calm on her side.

Not your problem.

Sianlouise432 Sun 28-Jul-19 10:23:27

It's misophonia but things like doors locking and squeaks aren't usual triggers.. I'd say more people slapping their lips or tapping a pen and clocks ticking.. Repetitive noises. Then again I'm just one person and don't know others experiences. She should go to the GP or find ways to cope cause it's her problem not yours.

Soola Sun 28-Jul-19 10:23:43

Tell her that it’s not working out as regardless of her may or may not be suffering something that causes Kemal everyday noises to upset her her behaviour and aggression is unacceptable.

Give her xx of notice and get rid.

Soola Sun 28-Jul-19 10:24:08

Kemal means normal

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck Sun 28-Jul-19 10:25:40

If she kicks off, ring the police.

None of you should be living in fear. You’re in charge here, get rid.

MamImHere Sun 28-Jul-19 10:27:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenWing Sun 28-Jul-19 10:30:01

Tell her it is not working and give her reasonable notice. Tell her if her behaviour continues to be intimidating she will be asked to leave immediately.

Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 10:35:44

Shes asking me to ut padding on the door frame. It will never end, will it?

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KeepFuckingOff Sun 28-Jul-19 10:36:45

Scream back her and tell her you won’t be bullied. Boot her out and give zero fucks about it! Vile woman.

Isatis Sun 28-Jul-19 10:39:08

How can i evict her in a calm way? Calm on her side

You can't, but then she seems unable to stay in the house calmly, so you have literally nothing to lose. Tell her it's not working out and that she clearly isn't suited to sharing a flat, and suggest she looks for a bedsit or a one bedroom flat, but give her the minimum period of notice possible and make it clear that you mean it.

CacenCrunch Sun 28-Jul-19 10:40:36

Speak to her and tell her the next time she loses her temper and start screaming and shouting she is out, then stick to it. Why are you putting up with it?

Pipandmum Sun 28-Jul-19 10:42:08

Just tell her you’re sorry it’s not working out. Give her a couple weeks to leave. She’s sounds erratic and you don’t need to be her carer. Then I’d change the locks once she’s gone.

CatInADoghouse Sun 28-Jul-19 10:45:04

As others have said. Give her notice and ask her to leave. Tell her it's not working out and she would be better off living on her own since the noise is that much of an issue for her. You shouldn't have to put up with living with this horrible person.

ineedaknittedhat Sun 28-Jul-19 10:46:54

Pack her stuff up when she's out, change the locks then hand her the bags when she returns. Tell her to get herself to the council who might fix her up in a hostel then she'll find out the meaning of noise.

MzHz Sun 28-Jul-19 10:47:40

This isn’t going to end drama free

You know this

Speak to the other housemates and arrange a time to all speak to her if need be - safety in numbers

Call the police if you need to.

At the end of the day she has no rights as the law stands, so you. Can ask her to leave without notice if need be.

If I were you I’d plan for drama and calmly explain that if she reacts like an adult and understands that her behaviour isn’t compatible with sharing with you all, and arranges to find somewhere else, you’ll give her a couple of days to do so. If she so much as squeaks about this or any other thing then she’ll leave immediately without notice and with police help if needed and she can send a cab/mate for her belongings within a day or so.

Set out the rules and make sure she follows them or you’ll follow through with what you’re planning

RaggeddeeAnn Sun 28-Jul-19 11:41:38

She honestly sounds mentally unstable. Her triggers, actions and paranoia are consistent with PTSD. It’s not your responsibility to rescue her, but the living situation you describe & intent to push her out is one way in which the mentally ill end up homeless and sleeping rough.
I’d personally contact the council and speak with a social worker as her distrust of any GP means she is slipping through the cracks. She may be referred for supported obviously cannot be her carer and it seems she’s not really able to cope in a normal flat mate living situation.

Selfieface Sun 28-Jul-19 11:47:28

I’ll have to warn the neighbours. The son has PTSD from the army and hes already complained once.

OP’s posts: |
RaggeddeeAnn Sun 28-Jul-19 11:48:43

Agree the noises are not misophonia but those three- doors, locks and music are common triggers for PTSD from being held captive and tortured/beaten. When you are locked in a room, the sound of the lock or door would mean jailers coming to assault you or drag you out and ? Kill you? Humiliate you? Beat you? Rape you? You don’t know but the sounds herald them coming to you. Music is often used to cover the sound of beatings/assaults or in state sponsored torture as a form of torture itself...100Db for more than ten minutes causes excruciating pain and hearing damage. More than a hour, brain damage.
Her paranoia and aggressive reaction to these triggers also point to PTSD because the first reaction after the initial fear caused by the trigger is pure anger.

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