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My fiancé has a 3 month old son with his ex and I'm 3 months pregnant

(117 Posts)
Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 03:24:02

I've been having such a difficult time trying to be ok with this crazy phase in my life.

I met my fiancé almost two years ago, we started off as friends, we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him, he had told her he didn't want the baby and they both planned to go terminate but she suddenly vanished when she learned that he's moved on with me. So he thought she decided to go through it on her own but she didn't, her aunt called his mom letting her know about the situation and made it seem like I'm the reason he didn't want her and the unborn child...anyway that's when the chaos began. I was ready to give up our relationship and let him focus on his child and this woman who seemed very certain to get him back but he didn't want that he begged me to stay and face this together. It was the hardest thing to deal with even now still because she appears and disappears and it messed me up. We still had time to move on with our lives...things got more serious between us and now we engaged, three months back she gave birth and things were tense between him and I. I wanted to give him space so that he can enjoy the joys of being a father because he's always wanted that. But he didn't want that. Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me) but things are way more difficult for me, because he still has to focus on his son and currently I feel like our relationship is under alot of strain because we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely, he doesn't seem to see how serious this is for me.

What do I do?

Weezol Wed 24-Jul-19 05:19:07

Crystal clear to everyone but you.

He's an utter deadbeat, everyone needs to get checked for STD's - he has had at least two of you on the go at the same time and appears to have abandoned his child.

You've fallen for every line he's fed you and he's currently avoiding you. It sounds like he couldn’t quite make the commitment to be part of your life in any meaningful way if hes able to avoid you. Quite happy to create children though.

I bet he's telling his current squeeze that you have 'vanished' too.

What you do about your pregnancy is absolutely your choice. Please know that you also have the choice to walk away from this circus regardless of him. You can do this on your own - millions do.

You've already seen his lack of interest in his existing child, so if you continue your pregnancy, prepare to do it without him.

I am not saying you have to exclude him as a grand gesture, I am saying he will let you down for scans, in emergencies and will provide no money. And he will do the same to your child.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Jul-19 05:19:32

Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me)

"Always" being at most nine months?

Rainbowhairdontcare Wed 24-Jul-19 05:23:43

This is so confusing. You make it sound like you were together or at least "planning' to be together when he had this booty call. How was that respectful to you? If you're happy to be a single mother go for it, he seems extremely unreliable and a terrible father.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:26:50

@SeaEagle21 he first didn't want the pregnancy but he had no other choice but to take responsibility which he is. And he's not avoiding me, not at all.

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:30:08

And he's not avoiding me, not at all

Really ? This doesn't quite match your original statement that we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely

,

.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:31:55

I see nothing but red flags and I'll make my decision ☝️. Thank you guys so much. You've been of great help.

isabellerossignol Wed 24-Jul-19 05:34:31

The whole situation is a disaster, and one that was all too predictable. I can never understand how women see a man treat another woman like crap then embark on a relationship with him and are surprised when he does the same to them. Especially when everything is at great speed.

Soola Wed 24-Jul-19 05:36:48

You are just another dick appointment by the sounds of it.

He’s already become emotionally attached by not caring about your medical appointments.

Be fully prepared to raise your child on your own just like the one he’s just has a baby with.

As an aside I hadn’t heard of a ‘duck appointment’ before and shall ease it into my vocabulary. It will make for a great excuse, “I’m sorry but I’m unable to meet at that time, I have a dick appointment!”

Gummybear11 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:36:59

OP will not terminate as she clearly didn't use contraception in order to compete with this other woman.

Childish games. Feel sorry for the children.

Shoxfordian Wed 24-Jul-19 05:39:14

He's clearly a waste of space
Stop wasting your time with him

poopypants Wed 24-Jul-19 06:19:41

Snappedandfarted2019
You sound deeply unpleasant you were the ow but by the sounds of it he had both of you on the go.

You sound completely incapable of reading with comprehension. It is pretty clear. The OP and her Dp were friends for a while. Men and women are often friends. It is not beyond the wit of humanity to understand that being 'friends' doesn't make you the OW. They both independently split from their SOs and then some time later they became romantically involved. Don't know why you think this makes the OP 'unpleasant' but your assertions make you seem pretty unpleasant.

mathanxiety Wed 24-Jul-19 06:21:04

The messy part is that he actually didn't use protection with her and he kept on avoiding her and not telling her straight up what's going on and also didn't tell me about her since we were open about a whole lot during the time of knowing each other.

He's not avoiding me, but things are just quite tense cause I also fell pregnant so quick and since we both trying to figure things out the new baby and my pregnancy it's difficult... I hope it's clearer now

Yes, it's much clearer now.

One day you too will see how clear it all is, but it's obvious that you can't see it at all right now.

Here's what happened.
He never really split from her, just played you both. What was going on (the real 'messy bit') was that he was having sex with both of you and telling you both lies.

He is avoiding you because he's either back with her or someone else has entered the picture and you and the previous woman are both left holding the babies.

You fell pregnant really quickly and he was left saying, 'Damnit, I thought we could go on having unprotected sex for far longer before anything happened...'

AnyFucker Wed 24-Jul-19 06:27:00

Kids having kids <sigh>

Happysummer2020 Wed 24-Jul-19 06:27:32

Good luck with your decision. I hope you've taken the advice here on-board.

CherryPavlova Wed 24-Jul-19 06:30:20

Is this even real? It sounds like an episode from a soap opera.

I’m afraid I would have have kept my underwear in place until I as sufficiently mature and had the stability within my relationship to rais a child. Feckless pregnancy is so sad for the children involved and so selfish.
I’d be asking myself whether I was in a position to offer this child what it needs and assume it’s father isn’t going to be around much, if at all.

KitKat1985 Wed 24-Jul-19 06:34:14

Honestly this sounds like a disaster.

She only gave birth 3 months ago to his son. His loyalty will always be to his son (as it should be) and therefore she will always be in his life. If you can't handle that, you are better off walking away from him.

You both sounds very immature though and I've no idea why you chose to get pregnant so quickly to someone who appears to have been having sex with every woman he can find.

Isatis Wed 24-Jul-19 06:34:49

You have a choice between being a single parent with no support from your baby's father, or having a termination and getting on with your life. It's up to you which you want to choose.

CheesecakeAddict Wed 24-Jul-19 06:39:21

If you decide to go through with this pregnancy, you need to move somewhere with better schools as your literacy skills make this difficult to follow.

Anyway, he wasn't having a "dick appointment" (are you 15??), he was having unprotected sex with another woman whilst supposedly in a relationship with you. It really sounds like he is not a commitment person and won't be involved with this baby much. I guess he told you what you wanted to hear, to get into your knickers. Drop him.

Best of luck, OP

hibbledibble Wed 24-Jul-19 06:58:06

Op, whatever you decide, make sure you have a sexual health screen. This sounds like a recipe for STDs.

Also,.Dick appointment?? Never heard that term before. Must be old.

He needs to learn how to use condoms, and take responsibility for the children he has already brought into the world.

Op please don't have any more children with this man child

Gruzinkerbell1 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:17:05

Good luck OP. Think you’re going to need it.

Doublevodka Wed 24-Jul-19 07:21:18

OP, this is a complete mess of a situation. This guy is clearly not stable relationship material. If I were you, I would seriously consider a termination and moving on. Otherwise it's quite likely he will treat you exactly the same way he has treated the mother of his child. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best of luck.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 24-Jul-19 07:22:52

I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm guessing you have low self esteem and grew up in a dysfunctional family yourself because this situation looks like a horrible mess to me. You need to be realistic about this guy and what he has to offer.

munemema Wed 24-Jul-19 07:28:38

So he's had (at least) three women in year or there abouts and two of them were/are pregnant?

It's a horrible situation for you to be in but please don't go into it thinking he'll ever be around for you or your baby. You need to make your decision based on the assumption you'll be doing this alone sad

CJsGoldfish Wed 24-Jul-19 07:30:28

OMG! What a mess for these poor children.
OP when you become pregnant to compete with another woman or 'erase' a previous baby, you really never win.

Next time, and I'm sure there'll be a next time, wait more than 5 minutes and aim for no existing shitshow.

SuperSara Wed 24-Jul-19 07:32:35

If Jeremy Kyle was still on you'd be telling him about this, not us.

How is this guy affording to provide for the random children he's producing?

I imagine he's not...

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