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My fiancé has a 3 month old son with his ex and I'm 3 months pregnant

(117 Posts)
Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 03:24:02

I've been having such a difficult time trying to be ok with this crazy phase in my life.

I met my fiancé almost two years ago, we started off as friends, we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him, he had told her he didn't want the baby and they both planned to go terminate but she suddenly vanished when she learned that he's moved on with me. So he thought she decided to go through it on her own but she didn't, her aunt called his mom letting her know about the situation and made it seem like I'm the reason he didn't want her and the unborn child...anyway that's when the chaos began. I was ready to give up our relationship and let him focus on his child and this woman who seemed very certain to get him back but he didn't want that he begged me to stay and face this together. It was the hardest thing to deal with even now still because she appears and disappears and it messed me up. We still had time to move on with our lives...things got more serious between us and now we engaged, three months back she gave birth and things were tense between him and I. I wanted to give him space so that he can enjoy the joys of being a father because he's always wanted that. But he didn't want that. Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me) but things are way more difficult for me, because he still has to focus on his son and currently I feel like our relationship is under alot of strain because we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely, he doesn't seem to see how serious this is for me.

What do I do?

HeadintheiClouds Wed 24-Jul-19 03:29:13

Did you both plan the pregnancy for around the the time his ex was due to give birth?

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 03:32:33

We planned the pregnancy when she vanished for months. We thought she had moved on like we did.

MarthasGinYard Wed 24-Jul-19 03:40:58

You posted previously about this.

Sparklyring Wed 24-Jul-19 03:54:28

Are you very young? Any grown up would not have got engaged and pregnant by a man who had already got someone pregnant and left her.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:00:54

Yes I did...I had lost contact. I kinda found clarity on what was really going down between the two after I posted the first time. And that's what's been happening 🔝.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:02:50

That's your opinion, I respect that.

mathanxiety Wed 24-Jul-19 04:14:38

This man goes around fooling women into falling for him by telling them he wants them to have his babies, then sits back and soaks up the loved up feelings until he gets bored.

He doesn't want anything to do with the actual nuts and bolts of maintaining a relationship with the mothers of the babies. Babies and their mothers are just notches on his belt.

... she appears and disappears - hmm OK...
What happens is he contacts her and then drops her. No doubt some ambivalent messages from him caused her to decide to keep her baby.

He is doing the same to you. You have effectively been dropped.

Do you want to know why you see so little of him?
It's because he has found someone else.
My guess is his third baby will be born within 12-15 months. Not to you but either to the first GF or some third woman.

FuriousVexation Wed 24-Jul-19 04:15:34

You've been in a relationship for less than a year and you decide to get pregnant? Wow.

And her aunt calling his mum? Really? Are they both too young to be allowed to use the phone?

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:16:52

She announced her pregnancy a year ago and then disappeared - so you and DP just assumed that she'd had an abortion and proceeded to make a baby together "because he's always wanted that with me" . The pregnancy was presumably the result of him shagging her while you were together ?? You don't mention this but it must be so, since you and DP supposedly broke up with your ex's two years ago and she just had his baby .

I think it would have been more sensible to make sure she was OK, before "moving on" and getting pregnant. Sorry but this guy is a twat , sowing his seed here and there with no thought for the future.

EffYouSeeKaye Wed 24-Jul-19 04:18:19

we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him

So approximately 14 months after they broke up, she announced her pregnancy by him? 🤔

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:25:08

You sound deeply unpleasant you were the ow but by the sounds of it he had both of you on the go. Grim

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:44:04

You ask "what do I do ?"

You prepare to be a single mother, probably coping with no support at all. He clearly has form for getting women pregnant and then "moving on" with someone else. That is probably why you never see him these days . Sorry but the picture is very clear from what you've said.

RubberTreePlant Wed 24-Jul-19 04:45:14

What do you do?

Blimey, how should we know?

Not having affairs, not being the OW, not rushing into pregnancies, not dismissing pregnant exes as 'probably had a termination and moved on'??

But horse, stable door, bolted, I suppose.

I'd stop calling him your fiance. It sounds desperate and tacky in the circumstances.

Personally, i'd dump him and have an abortion.

The oily bastard has you right where he wants you and it will only get worse.

Set yourself higher standards in future.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:01:38

OK, I think I'm confusing you or I'm not a good story teller 😩It's either you guys misread or I simply left some stuff out. This woman got with him right after his ex. Hence I mentioned "ex (rebound) " and we were still friends by then, so I was not in the picture yet when the child was conceived . And when I say she appears and disappears that's because she first announced the pregnancy when they both agree to terminate and later on found out about me she vanished, appeared again with her aunt since it was decided between both of them to terminate...I assume she decided to not go through it and rather tell his mom about it (he mentioned that he once used her phone to call his mom, so she probably saved it then)

And to add on with this she actually sent me a dm on Instagram (during that time she announced her pregnancy to him) she even sent me screenshots of messages to prove that there is a relationship between them by that time...but it seemed more like a DA (Dick Appointment) than an actual relationship between the two but he clarified things with her and so she disappeared.

The messy part is that he actually didn't use protection with her and he kept on avoiding her and not telling her straight up what's going on and also didn't tell me about her since we were open about a whole lot during the time of knowing each other.

He's not avoiding me, but things are just quite tense cause I also fell pregnant so quick and since we both trying to figure things out the new baby and my pregnancy it's difficult... I hope it's clearer now

PonyPals Wed 24-Jul-19 05:06:41

How old are you?

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:07:37

Sorry I'm not going to answer that.

IdaBWells Wed 24-Jul-19 05:07:54

Yes it’s clearer, this man is awful, deceptive and completely unreliable.

Cuppa12345 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:08:28

.. I hope it's clearer now

😂 No, it really isn't!

IAmNotAWitch Wed 24-Jul-19 05:09:12

Well, I can't tell you what you should do, but I would have a termination and dump him.

Then I would spend some time single and grow up before even considering whether to get into a relationship with another grown up, rather than this loser.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:12:11

@IAmNotAWitch thanks.

RubberTreePlant Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:15

Still sounds like a sloppy soap opera, TBH.

Do you REALLY want your life to be this messy?

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:20

So he jumped from his ex to this other woman and then on to you ....and got two of you pregnant . And now he doesn't want anything to do with his baby son....and he is avoiding you. What a prince. In your situation I'd terminate the pregnancy AND the relationship and "move on".

Moviefan101 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:30

I’m afraid I would terminate and move on. I could never deal with a mans baggage. He has a child and has to man up to that (if he hasn’t already)

Snipples Wed 24-Jul-19 05:15:40

Dick appointment? Oh dear god.

If it's not too late for you I would abort. Sorry. This guy is a complete loser and you are going to be tethered to him for the rest of your life while he makes babies left right and center round you. Don't do that.

You seem very young (if you don't want to say your age that's fine but honestly you come across very young, naive and immature - meant kindly). You need to grow up and sort yourself out a bit before having children. Good luck.

Weezol Wed 24-Jul-19 05:19:07

Crystal clear to everyone but you.

He's an utter deadbeat, everyone needs to get checked for STD's - he has had at least two of you on the go at the same time and appears to have abandoned his child.

You've fallen for every line he's fed you and he's currently avoiding you. It sounds like he couldn’t quite make the commitment to be part of your life in any meaningful way if hes able to avoid you. Quite happy to create children though.

I bet he's telling his current squeeze that you have 'vanished' too.

What you do about your pregnancy is absolutely your choice. Please know that you also have the choice to walk away from this circus regardless of him. You can do this on your own - millions do.

You've already seen his lack of interest in his existing child, so if you continue your pregnancy, prepare to do it without him.

I am not saying you have to exclude him as a grand gesture, I am saying he will let you down for scans, in emergencies and will provide no money. And he will do the same to your child.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Jul-19 05:19:32

Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me)

"Always" being at most nine months?

Rainbowhairdontcare Wed 24-Jul-19 05:23:43

This is so confusing. You make it sound like you were together or at least "planning' to be together when he had this booty call. How was that respectful to you? If you're happy to be a single mother go for it, he seems extremely unreliable and a terrible father.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:26:50

@SeaEagle21 he first didn't want the pregnancy but he had no other choice but to take responsibility which he is. And he's not avoiding me, not at all.

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:30:08

And he's not avoiding me, not at all

Really ? This doesn't quite match your original statement that we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely

,

.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:31:55

I see nothing but red flags and I'll make my decision ☝️. Thank you guys so much. You've been of great help.

isabellerossignol Wed 24-Jul-19 05:34:31

The whole situation is a disaster, and one that was all too predictable. I can never understand how women see a man treat another woman like crap then embark on a relationship with him and are surprised when he does the same to them. Especially when everything is at great speed.

Soola Wed 24-Jul-19 05:36:48

You are just another dick appointment by the sounds of it.

He’s already become emotionally attached by not caring about your medical appointments.

Be fully prepared to raise your child on your own just like the one he’s just has a baby with.

As an aside I hadn’t heard of a ‘duck appointment’ before and shall ease it into my vocabulary. It will make for a great excuse, “I’m sorry but I’m unable to meet at that time, I have a dick appointment!”

Gummybear11 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:36:59

OP will not terminate as she clearly didn't use contraception in order to compete with this other woman.

Childish games. Feel sorry for the children.

Shoxfordian Wed 24-Jul-19 05:39:14

He's clearly a waste of space
Stop wasting your time with him

poopypants Wed 24-Jul-19 06:19:41

Snappedandfarted2019
You sound deeply unpleasant you were the ow but by the sounds of it he had both of you on the go.

You sound completely incapable of reading with comprehension. It is pretty clear. The OP and her Dp were friends for a while. Men and women are often friends. It is not beyond the wit of humanity to understand that being 'friends' doesn't make you the OW. They both independently split from their SOs and then some time later they became romantically involved. Don't know why you think this makes the OP 'unpleasant' but your assertions make you seem pretty unpleasant.

mathanxiety Wed 24-Jul-19 06:21:04

The messy part is that he actually didn't use protection with her and he kept on avoiding her and not telling her straight up what's going on and also didn't tell me about her since we were open about a whole lot during the time of knowing each other.

He's not avoiding me, but things are just quite tense cause I also fell pregnant so quick and since we both trying to figure things out the new baby and my pregnancy it's difficult... I hope it's clearer now

Yes, it's much clearer now.

One day you too will see how clear it all is, but it's obvious that you can't see it at all right now.

Here's what happened.
He never really split from her, just played you both. What was going on (the real 'messy bit') was that he was having sex with both of you and telling you both lies.

He is avoiding you because he's either back with her or someone else has entered the picture and you and the previous woman are both left holding the babies.

You fell pregnant really quickly and he was left saying, 'Damnit, I thought we could go on having unprotected sex for far longer before anything happened...'

AnyFucker Wed 24-Jul-19 06:27:00

Kids having kids <sigh>

Happysummer2020 Wed 24-Jul-19 06:27:32

Good luck with your decision. I hope you've taken the advice here on-board.

CherryPavlova Wed 24-Jul-19 06:30:20

Is this even real? It sounds like an episode from a soap opera.

I’m afraid I would have have kept my underwear in place until I as sufficiently mature and had the stability within my relationship to rais a child. Feckless pregnancy is so sad for the children involved and so selfish.
I’d be asking myself whether I was in a position to offer this child what it needs and assume it’s father isn’t going to be around much, if at all.

KitKat1985 Wed 24-Jul-19 06:34:14

Honestly this sounds like a disaster.

She only gave birth 3 months ago to his son. His loyalty will always be to his son (as it should be) and therefore she will always be in his life. If you can't handle that, you are better off walking away from him.

You both sounds very immature though and I've no idea why you chose to get pregnant so quickly to someone who appears to have been having sex with every woman he can find.

Isatis Wed 24-Jul-19 06:34:49

You have a choice between being a single parent with no support from your baby's father, or having a termination and getting on with your life. It's up to you which you want to choose.

CheesecakeAddict Wed 24-Jul-19 06:39:21

If you decide to go through with this pregnancy, you need to move somewhere with better schools as your literacy skills make this difficult to follow.

Anyway, he wasn't having a "dick appointment" (are you 15??), he was having unprotected sex with another woman whilst supposedly in a relationship with you. It really sounds like he is not a commitment person and won't be involved with this baby much. I guess he told you what you wanted to hear, to get into your knickers. Drop him.

Best of luck, OP

hibbledibble Wed 24-Jul-19 06:58:06

Op, whatever you decide, make sure you have a sexual health screen. This sounds like a recipe for STDs.

Also,.Dick appointment?? Never heard that term before. Must be old.

He needs to learn how to use condoms, and take responsibility for the children he has already brought into the world.

Op please don't have any more children with this man child

Gruzinkerbell1 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:17:05

Good luck OP. Think you’re going to need it.

Doublevodka Wed 24-Jul-19 07:21:18

OP, this is a complete mess of a situation. This guy is clearly not stable relationship material. If I were you, I would seriously consider a termination and moving on. Otherwise it's quite likely he will treat you exactly the same way he has treated the mother of his child. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best of luck.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 24-Jul-19 07:22:52

I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm guessing you have low self esteem and grew up in a dysfunctional family yourself because this situation looks like a horrible mess to me. You need to be realistic about this guy and what he has to offer.

munemema Wed 24-Jul-19 07:28:38

So he's had (at least) three women in year or there abouts and two of them were/are pregnant?

It's a horrible situation for you to be in but please don't go into it thinking he'll ever be around for you or your baby. You need to make your decision based on the assumption you'll be doing this alone sad

CJsGoldfish Wed 24-Jul-19 07:30:28

OMG! What a mess for these poor children.
OP when you become pregnant to compete with another woman or 'erase' a previous baby, you really never win.

Next time, and I'm sure there'll be a next time, wait more than 5 minutes and aim for no existing shitshow.

SuperSara Wed 24-Jul-19 07:32:35

If Jeremy Kyle was still on you'd be telling him about this, not us.

How is this guy affording to provide for the random children he's producing?

I imagine he's not...

DullPortraits Wed 24-Jul-19 07:36:12

On amazon prime there is an mtv series called Teen mom Uk. Identical storyline near enough in season one!

Madlove Wed 24-Jul-19 07:36:33

So there are three of you? Well it’s a mess and I think you are very young to cope with it. Why oh why would you ‘plan’ a baby with him?

stucknoue Wed 24-Jul-19 07:39:30

Based on past behaviour, what makes you think he will stick around? Do you want to be a single parent? If you are ok with that go ahead and I really hope it does work out but a man who moves on so quickly between relationships is not likely to be around long in my experience

MsTSwift Wed 24-Jul-19 07:39:40

I would be devastated that my life was such a sordid mess. I would terminate and be sad but move on. I would consider myself dumped by the “fiancée”. Are you all under 20? Adults behaving like this is deeply depressing. Is lover boy financially supporting his numerous progeny or do us tax payers have that pleasure?

namechangeninjaevervigilant Wed 24-Jul-19 07:41:05

One thing that’s clear from all this is he that he is an irresponsible man who will be an irresponsible father. I would urge you to rethink having a child with him.

bionicnemonic Wed 24-Jul-19 07:41:18

OP, based on your username I’m going to assume you were born in 02, probably making you 17. My mum married at 17, had my brother at 18. But she’d known my dad for years, they were already married and they had support of family.
Please really just sit and think about your position. I know it would be nice if this person was there for your happy ever after, but try to imagine the other ‘what if’s’. If you’re lucky enough to have family or teachers around you to talk with then draw on their support. I’m not saying he won’t step up, but it doesn’t look great and you need a clear head

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:41:40

Just a tip - stop calling him your "fiancee" . The word means " we are going to get married", and sorry but I'd bet a lot of money on this relationship lasting about 5 more minutes now that you are pregnant.

SweetJasmine17 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:43:44

Is this actually a joke? God, this can't be real.

He doesn't want his other child. What makes you think he wants you and your one?

bmbonanza Wed 24-Jul-19 07:45:39

This is a bit of a mess but you cannot go back. I would be planning how I would cope as a single parent.
I have been a teenage mum, and have been pregnant within a year of the relationship starting so it is workable but it can be hard.
Good luck!

Divgirl2 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:46:10

OP is 17 judging by the 02 at the end of her username.

What a mess.

Patroclus Wed 24-Jul-19 07:54:28

Is he one of those weirdos who seems to get a thill out of getting young girls pregnant?

EffYouSeeKaye Wed 24-Jul-19 07:54:28

Just in case this is a real situation - If I were you I would be in need of a close trusted older relative to confide in or at least a good friend (older again preferably- more life experience) to support and advise me as I worked on getting myself out of this mess.

Whether or not you decide to keep this baby is a huge decision and potentially ties you in some way to him for the rest of your life. Again, you need real life advice and support here.

Either way, it’s time to grow up I’m afraid, because this is a massive mess.

leckford Wed 24-Jul-19 07:59:00

Have you got somewhere to live, have you got a job so you can afford to keep yourself and child? You will never be able to get any money out of this ‘financee’ or professional child producer

CustardDonuts Wed 24-Jul-19 08:13:12

.

TuesdaySunshine Wed 24-Jul-19 08:25:15

he clarified things with her

This phrase is so euphemistic as to sound quite sinister. I presume he told her to fuck off and I'm guessing he'll be 'clarifying things' with you soon too. Honestly, I think I would be considering a termination too, particularly if you're young. And buy some condoms after that. His dick appointments sound more like conference calls.

viques Wed 24-Jul-19 08:34:25

* he actually didn't use protection with her*

I think we'd worked that one out actually.

What you have is a man who has had three serious relationships in just over two years, two of which have resulted in pregnancies. How the original girlfriend managed to escape unscathed we will never know. But think ahead a bit, how many more babies is he going to deposit in say the next ten years? Even if you stay together, not advised, then I bet my bottom dollar there will be more babies, lots of them.

I don't know what you want to do about your pregnancy, but if you go ahead with it be prepared for no emotional, financial or practical support from your one man sperm donor clinic.

BurnedToast Wed 24-Jul-19 08:45:37

I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Picking at the OP's literacy skills, making assumptions about her family history, suggesting she should be on the Jeremy Kyle show whilst also accusing her of being immature and naive. The OP has not once risen to the insults which I think says alot about her.

If the OP is as young as you think then please remember this could be your daughter one day. She's a young girl asking for help and doesn't need to be insulted and patronised in order for you to do that.

Back to the OP. You either prepare yourself to be a single parent or terminate. This man is an arse, but you won't be the first one to be caught by one of those. Personally, I would terminate and get rid of this 'man' for good otherwise you have a lifetime of ties with him. But only you can make that choice. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Nameynamechangeforthis Wed 24-Jul-19 08:52:51

100 percent agree with BurnedToast and was posting to say much the same thing - What a horrible thread.

I hope you are OK OP, it sounds like a pretty miserable place to be. Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to?

Madlove Wed 24-Jul-19 08:55:44

Do you have support from your family op?

bigvig Wed 24-Jul-19 09:10:51

Hi Bengu I'm sorry for you. You sound lonely and scared. What a lot of horrible posts you've had in response to your call for advice. Unfortunately I do agree with the majority of posts. He sounds like a waste of time. That said if you are happy with him then try to make things work by being really clear about what you want, i.e I want to see you on these nights, when the baby is here I want you to contribute a certain amount of money, take responsibility for some night feeds or other clear requests. If he won't do the things you ask and you become unhappy then leave him as it will only get worse. Definitely don't have any more children with this man if he can't/won't help you. I hope you get what you want out of this situation.

Orchardgreen Wed 24-Jul-19 09:13:59

According to a previous thread of yours, OP, from November 2018, you already have a child. Please think carefully about making your life even more complicated now.

S1naidSucks Wed 24-Jul-19 09:14:20

I’m sorry you’re going through such a horrible time, OP. Many of the comments on here have been very harsh and I wish people would knock of the Jeremy Kyle comments. This appears to be a very young woman looking for help and most of us are old enough to be her mother or at least older sister.

I’m sorry OP, but he sounds very much like a young man I used to work with. That sod had SEVEN children to seven different women, by the time he was mid 20s and blamed the women. Please look after yourself and decide if you’re really ready to have a baby by yourself. There are so many things you could do with your life, before settling down. Even if it’s just taking up a hobby or class, in order to meet other young people. If you are 17 and don’t have family support, don’t let your life be decided by this horrible young man.

MrsxRocky Wed 24-Jul-19 09:24:01

A woman is pregnant got 9 months. Baby is 3 months old. So a year ago they were shagging.
How can you have been together for near 2 years lol

MarthasGinYard Wed 24-Jul-19 09:25:04

Feel sorry for any products of these 'dick appointments'

Two 'Dick appointment' dc on the way, <well, the ones you know about> let's hope he's got a good job to support them all.

G R I M

notmuchmoretogive Wed 24-Jul-19 09:35:22

Not the most supportive thread.

I don't think your fiancé has learnt how to commit or have decent, respectful relationships. I would leave him.

Whether you keep your baby or not is your choice but you need to work out whether you can do this alone and support yourself and your baby. Is this what you want?

Suebnm Wed 24-Jul-19 09:45:15

He isn't your fiance as he will never marry you.

You're dating him at best. I'm not sure you're in the UK as you use Americanisms although that might just be immaturity and too much social media but please whatever you do don't put him on the birth certificate.

Iwantacookie Wed 24-Jul-19 10:02:53

Op I feel for you.
Ds2 dad is this type. I was 10 years older than you when he swept me off my feet.
He promised me the world and left me when ds2 was 2.
He's promised to world to another 3 women and ds2 has siblings he's never met.

You've either got to be prepared to be a single parent or consider a termination.

Lizzielocket Wed 24-Jul-19 10:10:06

When did Chat turn as nasty as AIBU? Really, some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Women, often confused young women come here asking for advice and have their literacy skills slated. What a bunch of nasty snobs.
Op, your posts are perfectly clear for those who have got literacy skills.
It’s a sad situation you are in and my heart goes out to you. You’ve got some tough choices to make, if I was in your shoes I would end this relationship before he could hurt me anymore. He’s not a responsible man. He won’t be there for you. Do you have anybody in real life to talk to?
Also I would try posting on Netmums with this as the women there are generally kinder and you will get some sound advice.

Lizzielocket Wed 24-Jul-19 10:12:49

Jeez, op is not much more than a child. I can’t believe some of these replies. If you have nothing constructive to say to op then don’t reply.

OurChristmasMiracle Wed 24-Jul-19 10:24:25

OP it sounds like the relationship moved very fast very quickly. In less than a year you are engaged and pregnant. For me that would be a massive red flag. It’s happening too quickly.

What’s he like as a father? Does he play an active role in his sons life? See him regularly? Financially provide for him?

I got married young after a 15 month relationship and honestly it really did not end well.

LittleKitty1985 Wed 24-Jul-19 10:27:45

OP - How old is your first child? Is this really what you want to teach them about relationships?

Schuyler Wed 24-Jul-19 10:30:06

One day your unborn child will be an adult. If your son impregnated his “dick appointment” and then a year later, was engaged to another woman who was now also pregnant - how would you feel about your son’s behaviour? If your daughter were in your shoes, what would you advise her?

In my opinion, it sounds like he’s not a worthy man and you can do better. This has moved too fast. You and the baby are the priority. Will this man really prioritise you? Somehow I don’t think so but you need to make up your own mind.

ComtesseDeSpair Wed 24-Jul-19 10:30:31

If you have a child already, put their needs first. Their life isn’t going to be bettered by some idiot man wandering in and out of it as he pleases and leaving another mouth to feed as he does so. Your life isn’t going to be bettered by it. You sound young: do you really want your life to be a quagmire of other women and their children? Terminate this pregnancy, get yourself some decent therapy to work out why you set your standards so low and get on with living a productive life.

RubbingHimSourly Wed 24-Jul-19 10:34:04

My crystal ball tells me you're around 18 yrs old?? 🧐

Either ways, babies aside I suggest you get down to the GUM clinic and get tested.

In the meantime stop having unprotected sex with people, you're worth more than sitting on some dodgy knob. You don't know where it's been.

The pregnancy is still quite early days, nows the time to really think about what you're doing. If you choose to carry on with it then prepare for the fact you'll be alone. Don't expect anything from him.

CodenameVillanelle Wed 24-Jul-19 10:40:18

Oh gawd
Why did you get pregnant so quickly?

MamaOfBothTeams Wed 24-Jul-19 10:40:32

I remember your post from before, don't you have a child already to. I think you should all stop having children until you know where your relationships are going

Pinktinker Wed 24-Jul-19 10:53:15

Argh, this is a messy situation. The daughter of one my Mother’s friends was in a similar scenario a couple of years ago. Basically she split with her boyfriend, her boyfriend went on and got someone else pregnant, she found out about this so purposely stopped taking contraception and asked him to come back to her... Result was this guy had two women pregnant at the same time, two children born three months apart. Horrible. Now my Mother tells me she is constantly trying her best to block his contact with his other child.

If I were you I’d strongly consider terminating. This woman and his child are not going anywhere, they are permanent fixtures in his life. If you have this child you need to realise your child already will have a half sibling and you may eventually have to be a step parent. Is that really what you want?

Bananalanacake Wed 24-Jul-19 10:53:50

Don't let him move in with you.

ElizaPancakes Wed 24-Jul-19 10:58:28

I’m sorry I agree with others, he sounds like a complete deadbeat. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the mess this already is because it’ll only get harder. What about when he goes awol when your child is 4 and waiting at the front door for him to turn up? When they have something important to tell him and he’s not arsed? I think you need to be forward thinking about this relationship and this baby.

BlondeLikeBoJo Wed 24-Jul-19 11:00:45

The OP sounds very young. I don’t think she deserves the roasting she is getting here.

OP, this guy doesn’t sound like a good man. Do you have other support in your real life? If you are going to have this baby you need to think about who is going to be there for you when it is born. You need good, reliable people around you. This man’s track record suggests he isn’t either of those things.

Soola Wed 24-Jul-19 11:03:40

It’s not a roasting. If she’s young and isn’t heeding it doesn’t have the advice of a mother then we are telling her what she needs to hear.


P.S My previous post said attached when it meant detached.

Soola Wed 24-Jul-19 11:04:02

Heeding or

MamaOfBothTeams Wed 24-Jul-19 11:06:15

I think you have to be prepared to be a single mum of 2 children, I wouldn't trust him

BlueSkiesLies Wed 24-Jul-19 11:07:48

The OP sounds very young. I don’t think she deserves the roasting she is getting here

Being 'young' isn't an excuse for popping out children with every casual shag is it? It is irresponsible and isn't setting either the OP or her child(ren) up for the best life possible.

LolaSmiles Wed 24-Jul-19 11:09:18

OP you seem young and very immature.

I don't think it needs saying more that he seems to jump from woman/girl to woman/girl having unprotected sex and does a disappearing act.

You need to look at your situation in the cold light of day and not pay any attention to his empty words (e.g. when he says he always wanted to have a baby with you after a couple of months he's full of shit and hoping to make you feel like you've won against his ex).

Option 1 - You continue the pregnancy, have the baby, prepare to be a single mum at best and at worst a single mum with a dad who pops up now and then.

Option 2 - End the pregnancy and cut him out.

Whatever you choose, you need to raise your bar and develop a belief that you are worth more than whatever lines the next fella spins you. If you don't I'm worried you'll drift from man to man (who probably had a line of children behind him) who'll spin you all the lines about being denied access to their children whilst playing dad to yours.

BenWillbondsPants Wed 24-Jul-19 11:12:35

OP I'm going to assume you're very young.

Do throw your life away on this prick.

You need to decide what's best for your own future because to be honest, he's not going to be in it long term is he. You can't honestly think he will. I'm sorry you find yourself in a shit situation like this.

BrokenWing Wed 24-Jul-19 11:41:22

OP as others have said you sound very young and a lot of there posts do sound harsh and cruel, but unfortunately for you every single on of them are true and you need to accept this.

You need to assume this "man" will fuck you about, will mess up your life, cannot be trusted or relied upon in any way and make your decisions based on that.

isabellerossignol Wed 24-Jul-19 11:54:54

Also I would try posting on Netmums with this as the women there are generally kinder and you will get some sound advice

This has to be a joke surely? There's nothing kind about telling the OP that it's all ok and you know what men are like etc. The situation is a mess and the OP needs to take responsibility and make some difficult choices if she is to have a better future.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Wed 24-Jul-19 12:02:56

I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Picking at the OP's literacy skills, making assumptions about her family history, suggesting she should be on the Jeremy Kyle show whilst also accusing her of being immature and naive. The OP has not once risen to the insults which I think says alot about her.

This ^ ^

theworldistoosmall Wed 24-Jul-19 12:34:05

The op might not be young. I've met woman in their 30's in similar situations.

Honestly, I would dump in, get a termination, get tested and get some counselling to work on self-esteem.

The thing with these 'players' is they are all about the talk. An instant red flag he always wanted a child with you. It's how they pull you in and think of them as partner material. To enforce this he asked you to marry him.

It sounds like he was fucking you both at the same time, and chances are there will be more that you don't know about. There are probably more children as well that you don't know about.

I'm sorry to say he really doesn't care about you. You were just a fuck in a very long line of fucks. If he cared he would be showing up at the hospital. I've been in and out over the past year and even ex casual hookups were constantly in touch and coming to see me to make sure I was ok. Offering their support when I've been at home on bedrest etc. This is what I would expect as the father of my child, never mind my fiance.

Future relationship. Ensure you are taking precaution and no condom well he can go fuck himself elsewhere. Take things slow and hold off introducing them to your home for a long time. You have to put your current child first and it's really not fair on them to have a string of men in and out of their lives. If your child is a girl - do you want her growing up thinking that she is simply there to be used by guys. If a boy - do you want him to go around producing loads of kids with loads of different females?

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