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My fiancé has a 3 month old son with his ex and I'm 3 months pregnant

(117 Posts)
Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 03:24:02

I've been having such a difficult time trying to be ok with this crazy phase in my life.

I met my fiancé almost two years ago, we started off as friends, we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him, he had told her he didn't want the baby and they both planned to go terminate but she suddenly vanished when she learned that he's moved on with me. So he thought she decided to go through it on her own but she didn't, her aunt called his mom letting her know about the situation and made it seem like I'm the reason he didn't want her and the unborn child...anyway that's when the chaos began. I was ready to give up our relationship and let him focus on his child and this woman who seemed very certain to get him back but he didn't want that he begged me to stay and face this together. It was the hardest thing to deal with even now still because she appears and disappears and it messed me up. We still had time to move on with our lives...things got more serious between us and now we engaged, three months back she gave birth and things were tense between him and I. I wanted to give him space so that he can enjoy the joys of being a father because he's always wanted that. But he didn't want that. Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me) but things are way more difficult for me, because he still has to focus on his son and currently I feel like our relationship is under alot of strain because we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely, he doesn't seem to see how serious this is for me.

What do I do?

HeadintheiClouds Wed 24-Jul-19 03:29:13

Did you both plan the pregnancy for around the the time his ex was due to give birth?

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 03:32:33

We planned the pregnancy when she vanished for months. We thought she had moved on like we did.

MarthasGinYard Wed 24-Jul-19 03:40:58

You posted previously about this.

Sparklyring Wed 24-Jul-19 03:54:28

Are you very young? Any grown up would not have got engaged and pregnant by a man who had already got someone pregnant and left her.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:00:54

Yes I did...I had lost contact. I kinda found clarity on what was really going down between the two after I posted the first time. And that's what's been happening 🔝.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:02:50

That's your opinion, I respect that.

mathanxiety Wed 24-Jul-19 04:14:38

This man goes around fooling women into falling for him by telling them he wants them to have his babies, then sits back and soaks up the loved up feelings until he gets bored.

He doesn't want anything to do with the actual nuts and bolts of maintaining a relationship with the mothers of the babies. Babies and their mothers are just notches on his belt.

... she appears and disappears - hmm OK...
What happens is he contacts her and then drops her. No doubt some ambivalent messages from him caused her to decide to keep her baby.

He is doing the same to you. You have effectively been dropped.

Do you want to know why you see so little of him?
It's because he has found someone else.
My guess is his third baby will be born within 12-15 months. Not to you but either to the first GF or some third woman.

FuriousVexation Wed 24-Jul-19 04:15:34

You've been in a relationship for less than a year and you decide to get pregnant? Wow.

And her aunt calling his mum? Really? Are they both too young to be allowed to use the phone?

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:16:52

She announced her pregnancy a year ago and then disappeared - so you and DP just assumed that she'd had an abortion and proceeded to make a baby together "because he's always wanted that with me" . The pregnancy was presumably the result of him shagging her while you were together ?? You don't mention this but it must be so, since you and DP supposedly broke up with your ex's two years ago and she just had his baby .

I think it would have been more sensible to make sure she was OK, before "moving on" and getting pregnant. Sorry but this guy is a twat , sowing his seed here and there with no thought for the future.

EffYouSeeKaye Wed 24-Jul-19 04:18:19

we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him

So approximately 14 months after they broke up, she announced her pregnancy by him? 🤔

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:25:08

You sound deeply unpleasant you were the ow but by the sounds of it he had both of you on the go. Grim

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:44:04

You ask "what do I do ?"

You prepare to be a single mother, probably coping with no support at all. He clearly has form for getting women pregnant and then "moving on" with someone else. That is probably why you never see him these days . Sorry but the picture is very clear from what you've said.

RubberTreePlant Wed 24-Jul-19 04:45:14

What do you do?

Blimey, how should we know?

Not having affairs, not being the OW, not rushing into pregnancies, not dismissing pregnant exes as 'probably had a termination and moved on'??

But horse, stable door, bolted, I suppose.

I'd stop calling him your fiance. It sounds desperate and tacky in the circumstances.

Personally, i'd dump him and have an abortion.

The oily bastard has you right where he wants you and it will only get worse.

Set yourself higher standards in future.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:01:38

OK, I think I'm confusing you or I'm not a good story teller 😩It's either you guys misread or I simply left some stuff out. This woman got with him right after his ex. Hence I mentioned "ex (rebound) " and we were still friends by then, so I was not in the picture yet when the child was conceived . And when I say she appears and disappears that's because she first announced the pregnancy when they both agree to terminate and later on found out about me she vanished, appeared again with her aunt since it was decided between both of them to terminate...I assume she decided to not go through it and rather tell his mom about it (he mentioned that he once used her phone to call his mom, so she probably saved it then)

And to add on with this she actually sent me a dm on Instagram (during that time she announced her pregnancy to him) she even sent me screenshots of messages to prove that there is a relationship between them by that time...but it seemed more like a DA (Dick Appointment) than an actual relationship between the two but he clarified things with her and so she disappeared.

The messy part is that he actually didn't use protection with her and he kept on avoiding her and not telling her straight up what's going on and also didn't tell me about her since we were open about a whole lot during the time of knowing each other.

He's not avoiding me, but things are just quite tense cause I also fell pregnant so quick and since we both trying to figure things out the new baby and my pregnancy it's difficult... I hope it's clearer now

PonyPals Wed 24-Jul-19 05:06:41

How old are you?

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:07:37

Sorry I'm not going to answer that.

IdaBWells Wed 24-Jul-19 05:07:54

Yes it’s clearer, this man is awful, deceptive and completely unreliable.

Cuppa12345 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:08:28

.. I hope it's clearer now

😂 No, it really isn't!

IAmNotAWitch Wed 24-Jul-19 05:09:12

Well, I can't tell you what you should do, but I would have a termination and dump him.

Then I would spend some time single and grow up before even considering whether to get into a relationship with another grown up, rather than this loser.

Bhengu02 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:12:11

@IAmNotAWitch thanks.

RubberTreePlant Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:15

Still sounds like a sloppy soap opera, TBH.

Do you REALLY want your life to be this messy?

SeaEagle21 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:20

So he jumped from his ex to this other woman and then on to you ....and got two of you pregnant . And now he doesn't want anything to do with his baby son....and he is avoiding you. What a prince. In your situation I'd terminate the pregnancy AND the relationship and "move on".

Moviefan101 Wed 24-Jul-19 05:14:30

I’m afraid I would terminate and move on. I could never deal with a mans baggage. He has a child and has to man up to that (if he hasn’t already)

Snipples Wed 24-Jul-19 05:15:40

Dick appointment? Oh dear god.

If it's not too late for you I would abort. Sorry. This guy is a complete loser and you are going to be tethered to him for the rest of your life while he makes babies left right and center round you. Don't do that.

You seem very young (if you don't want to say your age that's fine but honestly you come across very young, naive and immature - meant kindly). You need to grow up and sort yourself out a bit before having children. Good luck.

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