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I have no friends and it's lonely

69 replies

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 16:00

Just as my title reads really. I'm in my 40's and while I have lots and lots of acquaintances and colleagues I just don't have any friends. No one to ring to meet up for a coffee or to visit.

It's incredibly lonely and has been brought home as my DH and DC are away this week and I'm home alone. I work term time only and haven't heard from a soul since school stopped at the end of last month.

I do have hobbies and have lots of acquaintances through these but while we chat and laugh together no real friendships have resulted.

I'm just venting (for lack of a better word) really but I am bored and lonely.

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IhearyouOP · 21/07/2019 16:31

I feel the same, OP except I don't even have a dh or dc. If I died unexpectedly, I think it'd be work who first wondered where I was.

happypotamus · 21/07/2019 17:24

I know the feeling. I have DH and DC, but no friends. I have colleagues, some of whom are great, but we sometimes don't see each other for ages if we aren't on the same shifts and I never see any of them outside of work. I don't have any hobbies, because hobbies don't really fit in with my job which is irregular shifts so I can't commit to being somewhere at the same time each week. When I was on maternity leave some weeks the only adult I would speak to except DH was the man who delivers parcels for Amazon (DH orders a lot of things from Amazon).

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 17:31

@IhearyouOP I am so sorry to hear you're alone. If it wasn't for DH it would be my work wondering where I was too.

Where do you live? A million miles from me probably!

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MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 17:32

@happypotamus you've just described my life exactly. It can be incredibly lonely can't it?

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Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 21/07/2019 18:56

@MangoSpice @happypotamus we have parallel lives!

Ihearyouop · 21/07/2019 18:59

I'm in the south east @mangospice

Ducking out now because I am always in situations like this the only one without a dh and it just makes me feel worse

Good luck all

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 19:35

I think part of my issue is we got back from holiday 2 weeks ago and I've felt very unsettled since then. I though it was just post holiday blues but I feel a bit like a caged animal, restless and unsettled.

We loved where we were on holiday and I think I have a massive case of 'the grass is greener' but I have no friends to talk to about it.

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 20:01

Totally get this. I have no DH anymore or any DC. Work would probably be the first to notice too. Will probably get eaten by my cats too

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bonitakitlee · 21/07/2019 20:15

I get this too, I only have dh, no other family for either of us, we both work from home so no colleagues to chat with. I often feel really lonely, plus we are in a remote area, not much in the way of evening classes or meet-up groups.

thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 20:40

Having no DC is a big factor I find too. All my friends have families and whilst I’m often included in events/outings it’s not the same as having a friend in the same boat as me. Having said that am also not very proactive in doing anything about this.

HotChocolateLover · 21/07/2019 20:44

1 local friend here who I see about 4 times a year. 1 other friend 100 miles away who I see about once a year. It’s poop. If it wasn’t for DH, my mum, sister and brother in law i’d Be really lonely. Would love to have a couple of good buddies to go for coffee with. I’m in the south west if anyone’s interested!

Underworld345 · 21/07/2019 20:45

I’m curious, you sound like quite a social person. Why do you think these acquaintances haven’t turned into deeper friendships? Have you asked anyone you got on the most to meet up for a coffee or similar outside of the hobbie environment?

Goatrider · 21/07/2019 20:45

I have no DH either and would actually prefer friends to a new partner.

It's hard to find good friends when you're older

Underworld345 · 21/07/2019 20:46

I also have no friends really but have a big family, DH and DC. I guess I’m happy enough and it doesn’t bother me enough to do something about it...

Would be different if I didn’t have family around me.

thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 20:53

@Goatrider totally agree with you there, definitely not interested in a new partner.

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 20:56

It oddly reassuring to know I'm not alone.

@Goatrider I try to initiate meet ups and it might happen once but that's generally it. No one contacts me first. When I'm out and about a lot of people say hello and some even stop for a chat but that's as far as it goes.

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 21:09

@MangoSpice you’re totally not alone. I really miss the kinds of friendships I used to have in my 20s, when we were all trying to build careers, meet new people and experiences. Now everyone I know f my age is (rightly) focused on their own families and not interested in new adventures.

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 21:37

@thrumylookingglass it's mad! This week with everyone away I could go anywhere and do anything but I don't get paid until the end of the week. Typical really!

I just want a friend or two I can phone or meet up with now and again. I doubt it's going to happen now though.

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 21:49

@MangoSpice where did you go on holiday? Sounds nice!

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 22:05

@thrumylookingglass We went to the Haven Primrose Valley in North Yorkshire. Used it as a base to explore and loved it. The weather was amazing too which helped.

The journey down was hotter than hell though .

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 22:12

@MangoSpice from Yorkshire myself so, although biased, can see why you enjoyed it. But why do you think the grass is greener here?

foxyknoxy30 · 21/07/2019 22:16

Ah mangospice we were there last year and was great !! We went to the Devon one this year our 4th time and that was coming down from Glasgow 😂

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MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 22:30

@thrumylookingglass I just loved the places (Filey in particular), the people and the feel of the place. Even if I could move it wouldn't be a realistic option at the moment. Think I'm just feeling a bit restless and out of sorts with not having the routine of work.

@foxyknoxy30 it's an amazing park. Devon would be a step o far for us, we're 3 hours from Glasgow so it would take us a couple of days to get there .

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 22:48

@MangoSpice Filey is my favourite place on the east coast. Post holiday blues are always a bitch, but look forward to DH and DC coming home and make some nice plans for the rest of summer.

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 22:54

@thrumylookingglass is just wonderful! Never seen so many dogs in my life as I did there mind you 😄.

You're right, onwards and upwards! Only 3 weeks u TIL school goes back and life returns to its normal chaos. Thank you for listening to my drivel .

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