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Why request this at a wedding?

(148 Posts)
Time40 Sun 21-Jul-19 02:31:25

... that everyone absolutely HAS to be in their seats twenty minutes before the start of the ceremony? I just can't think why (and it's quite annoying - who wants to sit on a hard pew with nothing to do for a full twenty minutes? It's bad enough having to be there at all ... I hate weddings).

I'm going to bed now, but I'll be back in the morning, with hopes of finding some MN wisdom. TIA.

Time40 Sun 21-Jul-19 02:32:38

... and "request" is the wrong word. It's an order!

Rainbowqueeen Sun 21-Jul-19 02:48:33

I’d think that there are some guests who are notorious for being late to everything and who wouldn’t care about trying to skip in quietly if they were late and that the request was aimed at them.

Rainbowqueeen Sun 21-Jul-19 02:49:36

Slip not skip

Visualises guests skipping into the churchgrin

soberken Sun 21-Jul-19 02:49:59

I hate weddings too

cstaff Sun 21-Jul-19 03:08:01

But if they say on the invite please be there by 2.30 to start at 3pm or something similar then people will just read that as starting time 3pm. If they just said 2.30 as the time and they didn't arrive until 3 everyone will probably be there but you would have a lot of pissed off guests to contend with.

daisypond Sun 21-Jul-19 03:12:53

Well, if it’s a church, anyone can come in whenever they like. They don’t have to be invited at all. They’re public events. Not sure about register office weddings.

daisypond Sun 21-Jul-19 03:23:52

Meant to add, last wedding I went to, there were some random tourists who wandered in to look around the church just before the bride walked in. They ended up staying to watch the ceremony.

Inthesummertime Sun 21-Jul-19 03:53:38

We just put the start time on the invite, it's pretty obvious why you have to be in and seated BEFORE the bride arrives to make her entrance. I dread to think how our guests felt, I was over an hour late after my vintage wedding car broke down in the middle of nowhere.

MerryMarigold Sun 21-Jul-19 04:32:30

There may be some audience participation in the wedding which needs to be explained beforehand
There may be some special entertainment or handing something out
They may need to start on the dot of start time and think that some people assume bride will be late so they can squash in just before her if they are a bit late too.
It's probably just to nip latecomers in the bud. There's probably a dodgy bunch if you say '20 minutes early' will still only just manage 'on time'. Not your fault or wedding couple's fault but understandable they want to prevent it.

user1474894224 Sun 21-Jul-19 04:49:27

Maybe the photographer is going to take some photos of all the guests in place before the ceremony starts.

Crimpola Sun 21-Jul-19 05:18:08

Why are you attending if you hate weddings so much?

MN badge in the post btw.

cantfindname Sun 21-Jul-19 05:45:00

I was waiting for the bus in our local town where the church is right by a pub. The bride arrived for her wedding and many of the guests were still outside getting plastered as she walked up the aisle. They then made a loud and noisy dash for their pews, one tried to take his beer with him but the others did at least make him leave it.

When you see this sort of behaviour you have to have a certain amount of sympathy for the '20 minutes before' command.

Mog6840 Sun 21-Jul-19 05:51:25

I think that's pretty standard to be honest.

I go to a lot of weddings and most will put an arrival time 30 mins before the ceremony starts.

We did the same for our wedding. There are some people unfortunately who are Always late however unintentional it is and I think this allows for this. I've been at weddings where guests have arrived late in a panic because they couldn't find the venue or have just poor time keeping and have had to do the walk of shame in after the bride, disrupting the ceremony as everyone turns to look.

I think if someone has been kind enough to invite you to such a special, important day at great expense, it's not too much to ask, to sit down ready for 20 mins so they don't have the stress & can start on time.

FrenchFancie Sun 21-Jul-19 05:57:50

We had people late to our wedding - it’s a bit hard to explain but our church had a door at the side about halfway down, and the big door at the back that I came in through.
Just as I started down the isle and everyone turned to look, these two came flying in the side door and right in front of me.
Ten years later it makes for a hilarious photo but at the time I admit to being a bit upset as they were that couple who were late for everything and we’d asked them to be on time....

snitzelvoncrumb Sun 21-Jul-19 05:59:55

I wouldn't worry about it, I doubt people will pay attention to it.

KitKat1985 Sun 21-Jul-19 06:10:18

Agree with posters above. I think the bride just doesn't want latecomers.

MrsJamin Sun 21-Jul-19 06:35:36

Absolutely standard to get there 20 mins if not 30 before the ceremony starts. Why would you leave it so close before arriving? Is 20 mins of your time worth that much more than the couple's special day?

SummerInTheVillage Sun 21-Jul-19 06:39:32

Probably because the photographer will be taking photos of the groom, bridesmaids and bride, when she arrives.

ExpletiveDelighted Sun 21-Jul-19 06:42:58

It's normal, they just don't want latecomers. It's a bit sad that they wanted your company on their special day and you seem to begrudge every minute of it.

RoomR0613 Sun 21-Jul-19 06:55:27

It's the done thing isn't it to arrive 20-30 mins before the ceremony starts anyway so they are hardly requesting something outlandish.

I attended a wedding last year with a week old baby (luckily no stitches as we were on hard benches) and an 18 month old, we had been seated with others with small children and sod older relatives. The bride was nearly an hour late for absolutely no reason other than faffing so by the time she arrived we had been sat there for 1.5 hours and we all had extremely grumpy children having used up all the toys sweets etc we had planned to use to get through the ceremony. Then the ceremony was an hour long.

worst 2.5 hours of my life.

MaybeitsMaybelline Sun 21-Jul-19 07:13:46

20 minutes is nothing and a massive overreaction. Do what every other person between 12 and sixty will be, and go on your phone.

Roussette Sun 21-Jul-19 07:19:05

You ought to go to a Nigerian wedding, the invite says a time and when you get there everyone is just wandering around preparing and you're asked if you can help put the fancy covers on the chairs! It then started just about 2 hours later than on the invite. Loved it!

stucknoue Sun 21-Jul-19 07:28:18

It may be directly at certain guests! Weddings aren't too bad but for funerals people are still slipping in after 20 mins. Some people are always late.

Thegracefuloctopus Sun 21-Jul-19 07:28:27

People being late makes me extreamly anxious and uncomfortable. I hated the idea of people being late to my wedding because i knew i would be ready early. Even if i try to be late i just end up being early somehow. DH bless him rang around everyone before the wedding without my knowledge to say please be early and explained why. Then i was in doing the prewedding interview and (i didnt know at the time) a couple turned up and the woman was desperate for the loo. DH told her she could either "watch or wizz"... she chose to wizz and he tokd the venue not to let her back in or near me. She was his guest thankfully. Its the couples day and its 20 bloody minutes. If you dont care enough about them to respect the request then dont go

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