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Please advise: Sterilisation.

(37 Posts)
usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 14:52:44

I've an appointment next month with my GP and I will ask for a referral to be sterilised.

In a nutshell I am desperate to find relief from the worry of becoming preg

yikesanotherbooboo Fri 19-Jul-19 14:57:32

YANBU to ask but it most areas of the UK it is difficult to get female sterilisationnon the nhs . You will probably be expected to try the various longacting and reversible contraception options first particularly as they are at least as effective with less risks. There is obviously a logic to this.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 15:03:49

Posted by accident...


I had an abortion last November after condom failure, although at the time we had no idea anything was amiss.

I have four children already. I'm 35.

Me and DP are in a bad way in our relationship. Wether we stay together or not, I don't trust that he won't push me to have another in the future. He refuses vasectomy, that's his rightful choice.

I'm depressed. I contemplate abandoning everyone on a frequent basis. Hormones I've been on before left me a wreck. I considered suicide a number of times when I was on them.

I know I sound doom and gloom and a bit garbled. I have my ups and downs. I've been more down these past two years than ever before.

But what are the chances my GP will allow me the referral?

I cannot risk another pg. I've made up my mind. Absolute. I hate sex and one reason is the awkwardness of condoms and the worry of the failure rate. I refuse hormones and I refuse contraptions in my uterus.

I'm in Birmingham. Is there funding? What should I say to my GP? What if she refuses? I can't afford 3000+ for a procedure.

I need this weight off my mind. If anyone can advise...?

IVEgottheDECAF Fri 19-Jul-19 15:06:55

Op I am 31 and expecting DC5. I am done. Part of me thinks it would be handy if this baby were breech and they could just do my tubes while they are in there!

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 15:09:45

I'm not allowed microgynam because of my age.
I can't risk going back to mini pills.
I refuse the coils. I feel sick at the procedure to get them in and out. If they dont agree with me, how could I remove it then and there? Appointments in my area are like hens teeth. I could be waiting up to a month.
No. It needs to be sterilisation. I've had four children for God's sake! I don't want any more.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 15:14:37

Are there any 'magic words' to say to my GP to really drive home how much the risk of pregnancy is seriously detrimental to my wellbeing.

I'm so scared I'll be fobbed off.

It's a new GP practice and new GP (to me). We've never seen each other and it'll be the first time we'll talk together. I don't know what to expect.

I suppose I'd have to pay for private if I'm refused. However me saving up that amount of money would take a couple of years, if I could save it at all.
I've needed braces since my 20's and every time I save a bit of money for a deposit, something ends up needing paying for. A pregnancy could very well happen in the mean time.

yikesanotherbooboo Fri 19-Jul-19 15:45:16

In this area it isn't the GP's choice. Sterilisation is only available in specific circumstances eg possibly at the time of other surgery and could be argued for if you have tried the other methods and they have proved to be unsuitable.I can hear your distress but this is likely to be the way the conversation goes . If you have had difficulty having a coil inserted in the past you might be able to have it done under local anaesthetic either by a trained family planning doctor or a gynaecologist. Your option is to ask a private gynaecologist if they would be prepared to sterilise you.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 15:54:23

Fuck fuck fuck.

BMW6 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:34:20

I was sterilised at 38 and I have no children. Adamant that I never wanted any, no regrets at all (now 61).

I asked my GP and it was all done by NHS (but obviously a long time ago).

CORSACORSA Fri 19-Jul-19 16:39:38

I was done 11 yrs ago at 36. No problems at all being referred by my GP. Saw her in June, referral came July, op day after my 36th birthday. Seriously quick. The hospital doctor did ask about thing like if i separated from DH ect but i had 3 kids and i said no more. If i did have more id certainly have an abortion. My body, my choice. Just push.

CORSACORSA Fri 19-Jul-19 16:40:56

Sorry, birthday in September so 4 months in all from seeing GP to operation.

groundanchochillipowder Fri 19-Jul-19 16:48:01

In many trusts they expect you to have exhausted all other forms of birth control before sterilisation (on one episode of GPs Behind Closed Doors they wouldn't even fund a married man a vasectomy until his wife had exhausted all forms of birth control available). The fact that your mental health is not stable may also mean refusal as you are not in a position to make a choice rationally.

anon812 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:56:45

If you explain your reasons and explain that you have felt suicidal with worry, surely they won't refuse you?

groundanchochillipowder Fri 19-Jul-19 17:09:12

Of course they'll refuse! A person who is having suicidal thoughts is not best placed to make a decision like this.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 17:28:37

I felt suicidal on hormonal contraceptives.

No way will I go do that again.

Myothernameistakenbysomeone Fri 19-Jul-19 17:36:49

I feel you OP.
I had been in a terrible place after my 5th baby. (All my kids were planned)
My hormones were all over the place and I had been on microgynon on and off for most of my adult life since the age of 16.
I went to my doctors three times. First two GP's tried putting me on the coil..... I was adamant I didn't want another..... 3rd doctor (female, the other 2 were male) instantly put me thru for a referral. I was 36. It was about 4/6 weeks till I got my pre-op appointment and another 4 weeks then till I got my appointment letter.
I had horrible dark thoughts before my sterilisation. Scary how my hormones were making me feel this way..... not suicidal, but I thought about crashing my car so I got someone to listen to me and see me. I felt invisible..... I felt like I was in a constant bad mood and snappy.
It's been 13 months post op and my hormones are finally settling..... I think the contraceptive pill has a lot to answer for. It messes with everything. Your hormones are a powerful thing.
Keep going back to the doctors. My age was never brought up in appointments as the doctors knew I had my 5 kids and I was done and definitely didn't want any more.
Good luck...... if you want to talk privately, you can inbox me..... don't go thru this alone x

HUZZAH212 Fri 19-Jul-19 17:41:05

I have a really bad time on hormonal contraceptive. I've had 2 copper coils and aside from a heavier period I'm absolutely fine with them. I have major anxiety surrounding fitting/removal, but once they're in its 10yrs. Ask for the most experienced person at your GP surgery to fit it, state that you don't want a running commentary of the fitting, take ibuprofen beforehand and book the day off work. Look at it as once it's in it'll be there up to your menopause and it's a 15-20min appointment.

AllFourOfThem Fri 19-Jul-19 17:46:48

I hope they will agree. I was offered and declined sterilisation on the NHS so don’t necessarily rule it out. I’m surprised you say you cannot take the combined pill when you are younger than I am, and I take it.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 18:00:40

How to explain.
There are a few areas in my life that are out of my control. One of these burdens is my worry of another pregnancy and/or abortion. It's exuberating (sp? I can't think of the correct word, sorry) along with everything else I'm dealing with, my feelings of depression. To be sterilised will mean that a huge amount of pressure and worry will be alleviated. I've wanted to be sterilised for a long time but DP refused, thinking of the future. Its been my want for a long time so I am not making any rash decisions here.
Me and DP will be starting couples therepy soon to address our problems and to work out wether we stay together or not, what is for the best. Even if we were to split, the process wouldn't be quick and neither would the therepy sessions building up to this realisation. It's not like me and him will split next week. I expect it maybe months and months of therepy sessions and during that time I expect a certain level of intimacy be practiced. Can i really tackle all of this when my anxious mind is fixated on another contraception failure?
The last heated discussion we had ended with him begrudgingly allowing me to be sterilised. I dont have the kind of relationship where I can do things off my own back, stubbornly declaring My Body, My Choice - even though it is! (Technically) this is something that I need his approval of. This is why it's taken this long and four children later. We've been together since i was 18. I need to focus on myself and my well being has really taken a nose dive these past three ish years, especially, but I haven't truely been happy for anlot longer than that time.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 18:03:14

Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. I'm on my old phone with a tiny screen.

I hope you get where I'm coming from.

bobstersmum Fri 19-Jul-19 18:24:48

In this instance op do not have any sex whatsoever until you have decided which way to go with this. Does your dp know exactly how you feel, I mean the full extent? It would be much easier and cheaper for the NHS for him to have the snip! Men are so dismissive, my own dh refuses to have the snip and he's 52 (I'm 38) and we have 4 dc between us. My feelings about any more babies are similar to yours so I understand. But if I told my dh I was going to have such a major op I think it would push him to have the snip. Would it not yours?

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 18:41:59

I repeat. He refuses the snip.

groundanchochillipowder Fri 19-Jul-19 19:18:35

Please, please, realise your relationship is abusive. Going to counselling with an abuser rarely works. Please seek out Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme because this man is abusive to you.

bobstersmum Fri 19-Jul-19 20:01:07

You really need to get away from this man and your problem is solved.

usernamedeletedshortly Fri 19-Jul-19 20:10:09

He is far better then how he used to be, believe me. So therapy is something that I am willing to try for the sake of him being better nowadays. I hope it will further improve him if a therapist can advise him on his current failings. If it fails after we've tried, so be it I suppose.

On that note it could be said that, well, is Sterilisation really needed if there's a chance you'll be single...? I say yes because splitting isn't guaranteed. If I was to meet another man hypothetically speaking, then I still wouldn't want to have another child - in my 40's! nor do I want a tie to another man, something that makes me beholden to him whereby I must put the family tie of father/child before my own preference and priority on the event of our separation.

I hate the cap in hand begging attitude towards contraception. My appointment is next month and I already feel like it's going to be a wasted trip. I admit this could be my emotions influencing this.

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