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On the whole I feel that a 25 year age gap between a couple is a bit much

(114 Posts)
Nextphonewontbesamsung Thu 18-Jul-19 14:06:55

I think of the people I know who are 25 years younger than me and tbh I have so little in common with them. Same with people who are 25 years older. It's a whole generation age gap.

My dad and step mother had a 17 year age gap which was very keenly felt during her child bearing years and later when he got sick and died.

In my real life the biggest age gap between any of my couple friends is 9 years and they sometimes really feel it too!

In short, I suppose I think - Michael Sheen what's going on here?

TheJoxter Thu 18-Jul-19 14:08:15

Definitely! There’s 11.5 yrs between me and my partner and we really feel it sometimes

SemperIdem Thu 18-Jul-19 15:33:27

I was surprised when I saw the article. Though it seems they’ve not been together long and perhaps was not intended to be as permanent as it will be now.

Sirzy Thu 18-Jul-19 15:36:39

If it’s not right for you then fine, don’t do it.

But as long as everyone in the relationship is happy and nobody is being hurt then each to their own surely?

MonkeyToesOfDoom Thu 18-Jul-19 15:38:39

It's horrible of me and please feel free to flame me and call me horrible names... But..

When I see an older man with a much much younger woman I think that he is just using her for sex and boasting to other men about it and that she has some kind of insecurities or is using him for property.or money.

HundredMilesAnHour Thu 18-Jul-19 15:46:59

I have quite a few friends who are 20 years younger than me. We get along pretty well. The only real difference is their obsession with social media and posting their lives on it. Whereas I'm glad social media didn't exist when I was younger and doing stupid things.

I do think Michael Sheen's current partner looks older than she is. But I do find him going for someone so much younger a bit ew. I guess she has Daddy issues. All pointless speculation of course as they both could be perfectly lovely people who happen to have fallen in love with someone where there's a huge age gap.

LenoVentura Thu 18-Jul-19 15:54:33

I am friends with a couple who have a 15 year age gap - he's 50 and she's 65. They notice it a lot more now than when they were younger as their interests are less closely aligned now. She is retired and he is still committed to his successful business. She goes abroad a lot, for weeks at a time to play golf, which he doesn't want to do. They don't have children because she was already 40 when they got together and he was only 25, so too soon for him. By the time he was ready for kids it was too late, so they don't have that shared interest or the prospect of grandchildren.

Similar to my Dsis too, her DH is 12 years older, been retired for some time but she's still working full time and will do for another five years. No kids.
I'm not sure that people think about the long term when they enter these relationships and of course, the heart wants what it wants...

lurkingfromhome Thu 18-Jul-19 15:56:19

Hmmm, yes, I raised my eyebrows quite a bit at the Michael Sheen story.

I think he just never seemed the type - I know he had fairly long-term relationships with Sarah Silverman and Aisling Bea (who both seem great) and he always seems really clever and principled and wise (I also like the way he moved to LA even though he didn't want to because that's where his daughter was living with her mum and he wanted to be a fully present dad).

So to have a child with someone he has barely been going out with for 10 minutes and who is only a few years older than his daughter is a bit ... disappointing.

Teddybear45 Thu 18-Jul-19 16:06:57

In the western world we just aren’t honest enough about this. In reality it’s often a bit of desperation from the older partner’s part combined with lack of self-esteem or daddy / mummy issues on the younger partner’s part. I have Arab / African / Indian friends, many of whom were either arranged to or encouraged to marry much older men, and they are forthcoming about the realities of such a huge age-gap - nearly all of them chose their partners for the financial security and all of them regret it. It is not fun to be dating / fucking a 50 yo when you are 25 (even if he is brad pitt) let alone get married and preparing to waste the best years of your life on one.

fussychica Thu 18-Jul-19 16:55:30

I have friends with a 15 year age gap. No issue when they first met and married but now he is showing lots of signs of getting old and although she is not in perfect health she is very, very active. You can see the different pressures each of them is under as what they are able to do together reduces.

notso Thu 18-Jul-19 16:57:06

A few of my Mums colleagues in their fifties and sixties have 10 + year age gaps with their husbands.
They are having to juggle caring for elderly relatives and husbands as well as grandchildren and are still working.
Their husbands who retired years ago seem to have basically sat at home or at the golf club and waited for their wives to retire.

Bloodybridget Thu 18-Jul-19 17:22:29

I have a friend who is over 20 years younger than me, we get on really well. But no way I'd have a relationship with such a big age gap, it would feel wrong and weird.

Moreweighttolose Thu 18-Jul-19 17:29:39

I had a relationship in my early 20s with someone 20 years older who was also one of my managers at work.

It was highly inappropriate on his part. I ws emotionally quite young for my age (the irony of him then dumping me for being immature was not lost on me though it clearly went right over his head). Now I am the age he was/ older I see how wrong it was of him.

My parents had a 17 year age gap and were very happy. However they didnt meet until they were 30s and 40s, my dad was young for his age and kept working til his early 70s. I think if both had lived longer the differences might have got apparent as they got to 60s and late 70s though.

SnuggyBuggy Thu 18-Jul-19 17:33:01

For me it's when either one of the couple is old enough to be the parent of the other or else one of the couple has children that the other isn't old enough to be the parent of that I think it seems sleazy.

Stuckandsad Thu 18-Jul-19 17:34:26

My boyfriend is 15 years older than me. I dont have daddy issues- have a lovely relationship with my father.
I think perhaps the difference is that boyfriend is an ex athlete so very very healthy and in shape still. Much more so than the men I've dated my own age, who seem to exist on takeaway and red bull. The financial side of it is nice, and he is a gentleman in that he is attentive and kind but open minded and fierce feminist too (he has a gay daughter who he is so close to)
The difference between him at 47 and men my own age (31) is crazy

Ragwort Thu 18-Jul-19 17:46:03

I think it is odd too and now in my 60s I feel desperately sad for my friends with much older husbands/partners. It might not matter if you are in your 30s & your DH is an athletic 40 something year old guy who takes care of himself .... but I was with a friend today who was describing the 'care' she has to give her DP, which includes putting his socks on him & sorting out a pee bottle in the night because he can't get to the toilet .... it's not much fun.

Yes I know anyone can become ill or have an accident but the likelihood of having to look after a partner because of a big age gap is much higher.

And as others have said ... we all know exactly why an older man wants a younger partner, I was naive enough to fall for a few older men when I was younger, & I am well aware it wasn't for my sparkling personality grin.

TwistyTop Thu 18-Jul-19 17:47:19

I don't have an issue with generational differences because we're all different and ultimately you don't know what two people are like when they are alone together. The most unlikely sorts can make each other very happy.

What I can't get my head around is why anyone would willingly enter into a long term relationship with someone who they know is very likely to die 25 years before they do. That sounds like a horrible nightmare. I would think of that every day and it would depress me.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail Thu 18-Jul-19 17:48:18

I think a 15 year age gap (with ashling) is really quite big. I’m sure Anna is wonderful, but a 50 year old saddening having a baby with a 25 year old he’s only been with a few months doesn’t reflect well on him.

Doesn’t Kate beckensale have a much younger partner too?

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail Thu 18-Jul-19 17:49:10

*suddenly

DilysPrice Thu 18-Jul-19 18:01:51

I’m not a fan of serious long term relationships with a large age gap.

But I must object to the suggestion that an attractive young woman would only be interested in the very very lovely MS for his power and money. Have you never heard him speak?

namechangeninjaevervigilant Thu 18-Jul-19 18:12:37

I am friendly with a couple with an 18 year age gap. He is 50, she’s 32 and they’ve been together since she was 20. He is actually the same age as her stepdad who is a bit younger than her mum! I’ve known her since she was a baby and like her parents and siblings I was (quietly and discreetly) dubious when they got together. We have all been forced to admit we were wrong. They are a lovely couple with shared goals, interests and values and they now have a lovely family.

25 years DOES seem like a big gap but it’s not that much more than 18 and I’ve seen at first hand how well that can work.

CruCru Thu 18-Jul-19 18:12:38

Problem with such a large gap is that the woman could be recently retired with a husband in his 90s.

runningtogetskinny Thu 18-Jul-19 18:19:18

My daughter is 22 and engaged to a man who is 39. In many ways she is more mature and has long term plans and goals where he tends to live each day as it comes. At the moment they get along great, however, she is conscious that's when she is my age he will be 70, she sees me going running or to yoga and socialising with friends and considers me to still be young(ish) and expects to be similar when she is also in her early 50s. I am not sure if the relationship will result in marriage due to her worries about this

ForalltheSaints Thu 18-Jul-19 18:23:33

Donald Trump is almost 25 years older than Melania
Boris Johnson is almost 25 years older than Carrie.

Enough reason to think such relationships are inappropriate.

NigesFakeWalkingStick Thu 18-Jul-19 19:36:51

The age gap in itself doesn't bother me - although at 25 life is a lot different to what it is at 35, 45 and 50. They are really key years in growth. In fact none of it bothers me as such - I bloody love Michael Sheen, and have always felt he's a pretty good all round person. It's more that he literally split up with Bea like 2 months ago, and is already expecting a child with someone he's been with five minutes. I think if any of us were to do that, it would raise eyebrows!

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