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How old do you want to live to...

(98 Posts)
Fastloveinyoureyes Wed 17-Jul-19 23:55:16

Disclaimer: I work in a hospital setting which sees an awful lot of elderly people. Before I started working there I would've said 'as long as possible'

Two years down the line...not so much.

I'm sure we all know someone who's 101 and living a fabulous life, but for the majority, 85 and upwards is no bloody fun at all. A slow descent into falling apart, increasing hospital admissions, more and more meds, falls, dementia and then death in some hospital bed because you fell over and hit your head and nobody noticed you were more confused than normal.

I'm going for 75-80. After that I think i'd be happy to shuffle off this mortal coil

Phillipa12 Thu 18-Jul-19 06:03:53

I am a care assistant, and as much as i love looking after my elderly clients, even the personal care, i do not want that for myself.

FourHigh Thu 18-Jul-19 06:46:48

Yes I think it's all about quality of life isn't it. I have one grandparent who lived to 96 but was happy to just sit and never complained, yet my other gp died at 80 but was not enjoying life and his loss of independence so I felt relieved for him that he didn't have to suffer for years, although it was a shame he couldn't remain active for longer. I'd want to go once I become a burden to my family and stopped enjoying life.

Doormat247 Thu 18-Jul-19 06:52:30

My great aunt is 88 and in pretty good health but she feels she's lived too long already. She's been making comments that she'd like to do what her own mother did which was purposely cause her own death by doing what the doctor specifically told her not to do (she had a heart problem).

I'd only like to be around while I'm fit and able. Sadly by the time I get to retire (around 70) I doubt I'll have much time left to enjoy. I'd hate to be pumped full of chemo or have dementia and be hanging around for years after I'd prefer to have passed on.

Yogagirl123 Thu 18-Jul-19 06:59:03

I am likely to have a lower than average life expectancy as I have Multiple Sclerosis, but as long as possible whilst I remain reasonably ok. Keeping positive.

lljkk Thu 18-Jul-19 07:08:35

I used to say 81. Now I'd say as long as my health is good & I can find ways to have fun.

Tigger001 Thu 18-Jul-19 07:15:57

If I were in good health I would like to live to see as much of my sons life as possible, if however, I was in poor health, I would not like to be a burden on him or anyone else so would like to go with dignity before deterioration.

sandgrown Thu 18-Jul-19 07:26:15

@Rachelover40 I am.only a few years younger than you but want to be around for a while yet. So many things I want to do when I finish work. I worry my partner will just want to sit and watch TV!
Can you take the opportunity to travel if you are well? Even if it's just around the UK on a free bus pass! Lots of places are crying out for volunteers and you might find something you really enjoy.

Parsnippy Thu 18-Jul-19 07:29:23

Nobody in my family in my parents' or grandparents' generations has made it past early 60s with most doing long before their 60s so I'm not expecting to make it to old age. I'll be unprepared for it mentally if it happens. Like most people I would like to live for as long as possible but to die before I need intimate care. I love life and would very happily live forever if I were healthy.

Happyspud Thu 18-Jul-19 07:29:35

I’ve always planned for 100! I hope I’m healthy till then.

All of you talking about 70’s being enoughshock My mum is 71 and in great health. I hope to have her at least another 15-20 yrs!

Happyspud Thu 18-Jul-19 07:31:07

Just to add, all 4 of my grandparents lived well into their 80’s. My granny was 92. My great aunt was in great shape to 108.

But my family tends to live healthily. Plenty of exercise and hobbies and growing our own food etc.

tealady20 Thu 18-Jul-19 07:46:13

Aren't any of you scared of death or dying ??

EleanorReally Thu 18-Jul-19 07:46:17

my dm is a fab 84, still volunteers, walks, is fit and well.
but some elderly are not so fit, their lives are spent sitting.
Not so good.

EleanorReally Thu 18-Jul-19 07:48:00

I think we need should try not to be afraid of dying.

DinosApple Thu 18-Jul-19 07:50:57

My grandma is cracking on 90, still sees friends a couple of times a week and does U3A. If I'm like that at her age that would be marvellous!

converseandjeans Thu 18-Jul-19 07:52:54

About 85 is plenty old enough!

NotYourHolidayDick Thu 18-Jul-19 07:56:39

40. Gives me time to get my kids to teenagers and then I'd like to be off the planet!

cptartapp Thu 18-Jul-19 07:59:00

Neither of my parents made it to 70 (accident and chronic illness). My GM otoh, was flying off to Tenerife on her own at 87. Even on her death bed two years later she bemoaned the fact she'd 'never got to China'.
30 nursing of nursing has made me think most people are living too long. We're trying to cure everything. Prolong life yes, but not at all costs.
I hope I'm like my GM.

DoyouknowJo Thu 18-Jul-19 08:02:13

My DF was telling me about a 90 year old woman who kept trying to commit suicide at her care home. Obviously completely ineffective because she was really frail. DF said she was begging the doctors to just let her go. Instead she got a referral to the mental health team hmm and anti depressants.

I never never never want to get to that point

Babdoc Thu 18-Jul-19 08:07:32

It’s extremely variable. My DH died at 36, whereas his father was still working full time to the age of 90, dying three months after he retired.
Only the individual concerned can decide whether their particular life and state of health is tolerable to them. Personally, I’d hate to be dependent on carers or stuck in a nursing home, but plenty of people do find happiness or reasons to continue in those circumstances.
I think it makes a difference if you have a religious faith, too.
Death is less frightening when you know it’s not the end, and that you will be reunited with all your loved ones in the presence of God.
Without that, I suppose people hang on as long as possible, thinking this life is all they’re going to get.

Knittedjimmychoos Thu 18-Jul-19 08:14:41

Op I have had lots of experience with elderly and those stuck in enormous pain, terminally ill, no hope of recovery, in very vulnerable situations with in adequate care.

I'm sure most people would be happy to live as long as possible as long as good health, independent and funds.

It's a travesty we don't help people with full on dementia die, we don't help people with crippling pain die sooner. It's barbaric.

Watching a loved one in agony slowly dying.

Who does that benefit? The family who sit by them, the family who pop in for ten minuets? The overstretched staff who can't do anything or the human, with zero quality of life left and no hope of recovery or anything?

We need legislation for those like me, to have legal document now, to say..

If I become mentally incapacitated to the point I don't recognise my family and need care I choose to die..

I'm sure a couple of totally independent doctors and a solicitor at the time could sign that off!

The thought of being stuck, in pain and totally vulnerable to god knows who wiping my arse in a nursing home terrifies me.

Sorry op, gone slightly off topic but we need to talk more about getting legislation in place to help us die humanly if we need too.

DoyouknowJo Thu 18-Jul-19 08:16:18

Won’t happen whilst religion still has a place in policy making

Knittedjimmychoos Thu 18-Jul-19 08:17:17


When you have worked and done it, seen the reality, seen in action those Co workers who may be marginally too rough, or not caring or whatever... No one in their right minds would want it.

People are oblivious until its too late and they are the vulnerable resident stuck there!!

Maybe everyone should do compulsory care home work.

Knittedjimmychoos Thu 18-Jul-19 08:18:02

Legislation is in place in places like Belgium and Netherlands.

Buyitinbamboo Thu 18-Jul-19 08:23:10

My dads side of the family have heart issues and my grandparents died in their 60s, and to be honest I can see my dad going the same. I'd like for that not to happen to me so I'd be happy to make it to 80

Lllot5 Thu 18-Jul-19 08:28:12

My mum is 90. She still has all her marbles( mixes people’s names up sometimes, but she’s always done that) bad eyesight. But she is practically immobile now can’t walk unaided from one side of the room to another, worst part of this is she can’t always get to the toilet quick enough.
I don’t know if I’d like that but all the time she’s ‘with it’ I think she’s ok.
So in answer to the question I think it depends on health rather than age.

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