Advanced search

Would you be angry at this?! Or am I overreacting

(105 Posts)
MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 10:41:27

So little one is now 8 months and he's going through the sleep regression I think

Last night he refused to drink his bedtime bottle, was up at 11 for his bedtime bottle, then woke at 1 for his usual 1 am bottle, woke at 2, woke at 4 (which he normally does but he usually comes in with us) and wanted to get up. Partner said "well I'm not getting up with him" even though he didn't have to do any work from home. Luckily I'm off work today.

Partner has not long got up he made him some toast and didn't ask if I wanted any and he took baby for about 5 minutes and then he's just gone out without offering to take baby so I could sleep

Would you be angry at this and what would you have done?

Rainbowknickers Fri 12-Jul-19 11:13:21

To be honest I’d be raving
You both made him so you should either both get up/take it in turns
It’s not fair on you to do it all
And to just bigger off out is very u

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 11:43:12

This morning when I got sons outfit partner said turn the light off and let me sleep

Then he didn't get up until 10:20.

He could've offered to take baby with him

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 13:09:31

So he's still not back and I'm exhausted

Baby is refusing to nap as well 😕

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 14:36:45

Anyone else???

Morgan12 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:41:22

Where the hell is he? The selfish prick. If this were me I swear to Lucifer I would kill him.

Quartz2208 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:43:22

No you are not but I suspect this is a pattern of behaviour since he has been born

blackcat86 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:44:50

Given it's the weekend, presumably he's taking all the night feeds tonight then? I say that as someone who's DH apparently doesn't hear our 10 month old at night so I feel your pain.

bloodywhitecat Fri 12-Jul-19 14:45:48

He's not much of a partner, a partner should share the load.

codenameduchess Fri 12-Jul-19 14:48:02

He's been a dickhead, no question! But why didn't you ask (or tell) him to do what you want him to? Or wake him before 10:20, if he thinks it's ok and you'll just do it all then he'll carry on.

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 15:28:02

He was similar when I pregnant and we were staying at his mum's I was heavily pregnant and could hardly walk and I asked him for a drink and he said "in a minute" while playing on his phone

But then when baby was born he was amazing and helpful.

He's gone to town.

He said to me to get up with son..I woke him up at about 7.30/8 but he said turn the light off and he went back to sleep.

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 15:45:55

Also don't think he'd agree to doing all the night feeds. Last night he stayed up late and he must've heard baby crying but he still didn't make his bottle. And he will probably be staying up late again on the xbox

BlondeBumshelll Fri 12-Jul-19 16:20:35

This can only happen if you allow it. This is deal breaker stuff for me. He either pulls his weight with feeding/sleeping or he packs his stuff and leaves.

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 20:12:26

So I asked him if he could give baby his bottle he said no he's busy although he was only on his phone!

LittleMissEngineer Fri 12-Jul-19 21:29:01

To be honest, and this is possibly fairly controversial, I would try to discourage the night feeds and encourage going back through sleep (and not getting up at 4am confused ).

No wonder you are both shattered and grumpy, they don’t need night feeds 8 months and they are probably better to stay asleep until 6am or so (letting them “get up for the day” at 4am isn’t great habit setting). May not have wanted a nap because he was over tired.

The world is an all round better place if everyone sleeps.

ElizaPancakes Fri 12-Jul-19 21:32:47

I would be proper raging. What a selfish arsehole.

TheInvestigator Fri 12-Jul-19 21:35:31

How old are you both? He sounds like an idiot teenage boy who didn't want a kid and isn't interested. And he sounds like someone who isn't going to change. Maybe life would be better off without him in it.

Exmoor Fri 12-Jul-19 21:36:05

What a selfish bastard. Can you imagine many years of this?!

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 21:36:06

@LittleMissEngineer normally he doesn't get up much during the night but because he refused his bedtime bottle he wanted it at 11pm. But he doesn't have his 1am bottle but we are trying to get rid of it as he's only drinking 2-3oz.

He usually gets up at 5-5.30 and has done since he was very young.

Rosielily Fri 12-Jul-19 21:51:28

The time baby wakes here is irrelevant. The fact is your partner seems totally disengaged from parental duties and doesn't understand that, actually, he has a rôle to play here. Ask him - on what level does he think it ok to play on his phone instead of fulfilling his rôle as a dad?

LittleMissEngineer Fri 12-Jul-19 21:54:43

Keep working at it OP. To be honest, he shouldn’t need either an 11pm or 1am bottle - try and feed him up during the day (both milk and solids). Try to settle night wakings without milk. It’ll come, but you need to be fairly firm.

We kept a single mattress, duvet and pillow next to DS’s cot for night wakings (although to be fair, only happened when he was teething, but that was a looooong six months). We would take turns going in - if he woke - held his hand through the cot bats and “shushed”. Wasn’t the best night’s sleep for whoever was on the floor, but heat him reassured and in good habits of being in his own bed.

Good luck. Your partner IS unhelpful, but am guessing that both if you desperately need some good sleep flowers

MammaTo1LittleBear Fri 12-Jul-19 21:57:19

He's 17 but will be 18 in few weeks and I'm 18.

Sometimes he is so good with son though and looks after him and distracts him while I cook etc.

He's just said why am I being so moody and that he hasn't done anything wrong.

Pomegranatemolasses Fri 12-Jul-19 21:59:45

Gosh you're both so young. What a lot to deal with - do you have any family support?

TheInvestigator Fri 12-Jul-19 22:04:21

So he is an idiot teenage boy who didn't want a kid.

You're only 18. You don't need to be tied to him forever. Seriously think about this... If you didn't have a baby, would this be the man you married?

Take time to think about what you want for your life, and don't stay with him if it's just unhappiness and anger... a few random occasions of him playing dad do not a father make.

LittleMissEngineer Fri 12-Jul-19 22:08:06

You are both incredibly young - you have my utmost respect and admiration: looking after a baby isn’t easy at any age, but it’s harder when you are young.

Women mature earlier than men: you are doing amazingly, he has a way to go flowers

Keep trying to get them both into good habits. Babies need a firm but loving and caring lead (well after the first few months).

I am not surprised that you are grumpy - you had little sleep and what you did was very disrupted... I would be moody too. You are both a partnership abc you need to work together, though: he needs to understand that you need sleep too.

Keep going, you are amazing.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »